Losing ourselves and finding ourselves

Get 22% off as a thank you if you want to upgrade to top 3 tiers. Over a years worth of nude dance, yoga, workouts and art to enjoy.. Unlock all the magic.
Code: 35877 Join me inside to experience it all - you won't wanna miss it!

I think one of the quietest ways we lose ourselves is not through some enormous life decision, but through hundreds of tiny edits.

You don’t say what you really think because it might make the conversation uncomfortable. You soften something you care about because somebody might judge it. You make yourself easier, quieter, less sexual, less emotional, less ambitious, less strange, less you. Sometimes we do it so gradually that we don’t even realise how much of ourselves we have negotiated away.

And the strange thing is, being liked that way doesn’t necessarily feel good. Because somewhere underneath it is the uncomfortable knowledge that the person being accepted isn’t entirely you.

I’ve come to think authenticity is less about boldly announcing “this is who I am” and much more about becoming willing to be seen accurately. That includes changing your mind. Having contradictions. Wanting something other people don’t understand. Outgrowing versions of yourself that once fitted perfectly. Being sensual and serious. Strong and vulnerable. Confident in one room and uncertain in another. We’re living things; of course we change.

The more you practise showing that person to the world, the less terrifying other people’s reactions become. Someone misunderstanding you stops automatically meaning you explained yourself badly. Someone leaving doesn’t necessarily mean you should have made yourself easier to stay with. And rejection begins to lose some of its power when you know that what was rejected was at least real.

I think this matters here too. I’ve never wanted this community to be somewhere we have to divide ourselves into the parts considered acceptable and the parts we hide. We can talk about bodies, sex, movement, ageing, pleasure, fear, health, relationships, nudity, curiosity and all the wonderfully complicated things that come with being human.

Not everyone will understand that. Not everyone needs to.

There is enormous freedom in reaching the point where being genuinely known becomes more important than being universally liked. And perhaps one of the most loving things we can eventually learn to say to ourselves is: I’m not going to abandon you just to make somebody else more comfortable.