Eric Adams's Long Pizza Necropolis feat. Mattie Lubchansky
This week, we've brought on friend of the show Mattie Lubchansky to discuss a whole slew of New York content. We do a close read of a frankly bonkers speech that Mayor Eric Adams gave at a Nowruz celebration, examine the breathlessly optimistic press about NYPD robot dogs that fall over after taking a single step, and discuss reports that high-priced Manhattan commercial real estate is headed for a steep decline. But, could we at least convert the office towers to residences? Well, not for the living.
Check out Mattie's book BOYS WEEKEND here! https://boysweekend.biz
Comments (29)
Wait y鈥檃ll love the idea of boro presidents & hilarious names- are you aware of former Brooklyn Boro President Marty Marckowitz?
Trying to look up the word you mentioned - but how the hell do you spell it 馃槩
Zulfiqar
Eric Adams fighting for Kurdistan wearing big glasses and a very ill-advised prosthetic nose talking about growing up in the SF punk scene and Jeffery Epstein
Days long journey to the top of the shard to pay homage? Miracleman is real
I spent 20 years building the fifty story misery factories and now everyone tells me "we don't need the misery factories", "noone wants to be in there" - fuck off
Okay but the necropolis idea is actually brilliant. Because IF the city's empty office towers are converted they can move all the dead from cemetaries into them and then put actually good buildings there! There is currently about 470 million square feet of vacant office space in NYC, and the average american burial plot is 20 square feet. That That means 23 million potential graveside in the towers. The top 12 largest cemetaries in the city only hold 6.5 million dead! It'll be like when San Francisco sent all its dead to Colma, except with hundreds of new crypt keeper jobs in the heart of Manhattan
l kinda want a whole Mr. Met "Ain't No Rule" Extended Universe Mr Met ends in a showdown between him and the SF Giants mascot Mr Met II: Mr Net is just a reskinned AirBud Mr Met III: Mr Jet sends him to Jersey to become their best QB since Flash Gordan Mr Met IV: Mr The Met has him perform Rigoletto as a metaphor for his own life Mr Met V: Mr The Met II is just a reskinned Night at the Museum Mr Met VI: DC Met Someone is murdering mascots in London. Only Mr Met can crack the case
Somehow you guys have just reinvented the Metropolitan Sepulchre as a giant London necropolis tower.
[narrating a guided tour of an open floor plan] "historians believe that this glass-walled alcove next to the elevator core was reserved for the Scrum Ceremony" [oohing and aahing]
And if the "sprint" goals were not met, they sacrificed a team member with the cord of this ceremonial gaming mouse.
ahh yeah my favourite Daft Punk album, the highly metaconceptual, ill-received, It's Just A Guy In There (2005)
another mattie feature YYYESSSSSS
If Eric Adams had a stroke, would we know? Now, I'm just picturing Mr. Met with a sniper rifle taking aim at Eric Adams for wearing his jersey on opening day. Also, the cops got a 28% raise over like 3 years as a reward for blowing past their overtime budget by 38 million dollars so far this year.
I think Eric Adams would start acting normally if he ever had a stroke, so that's how you'd know
Pretty sure this is how we got Eric Adams: Cory Booker was too busy running into burning buildings and shoveling individual constituents' driveways, so he had the NJIT biochem department make a clone to take care of all the actual mayoral duties. Then when the clone started running for Senate he went back and had the boys at the lab make another mayor-clone to do the mayoring while he did all the fundraising &c. That 2nd-order clone then escaped to Fort Lee and over the GWB.
the patreon player cut out for me right as Matty was describing how to make a burrata vape, which feels right
Love when Mattie's on!
"Persian Mayor of New York" feels it would be a buddy comedy from the early 90's.
Perfect Strangers in government vibes.
Damn, I can't wait to enjoy more Matty Lubchansky upon the release of their new graphic novel BOYS WEEKEND, which you should preorder right now!
I'm partial to necropoleis myself.
The shard candy store/vape shop part is making me wonder why nobody has started making novelty landmark shaped vapes for the london tourist tat shops yet Shard shaped vape, big Ben shaped vape, Tower of London shaped vape etc etc
taking a quad hit off that Battesea Power Station vape
Fill all disused office buildings with Tour De Moon
Listen friend computer gave me monatomic dental floss that I could use to julienne everyone else on the train with no consequences so
I dont know what it is but it must be Matty deploying some kind of comedy enhancing aura because this ep had a lot of killer bits from everyone. Wasn't prepared for the Feinstein Mayor McCheese line
Matty is one of the best guests this show gets.
It has to hurt for a Canadian and some Brits to keep up with what's going on in my city. Yes, Adams is a clown. New York's days of being cool and edgy are long gone. Life here absolutely sucks. When indie stars Caroline Palochek and Natalie Merling moved out, I knew this town was OVER. Interpol don't even claim to be from here. They are a Mexican band now.