Dev Diary 108

Hey all, TD here, with the first developer diary of the year and there’s a lot to, unfortunately, talk about.

First things first, the number: all told Ch4Up7 sits at 746 statics, 37 animations, and 13,965 words.

That works out to: 174 statics, 6 animations, and 3,378 words added to the project over the last three weeks. Below average output, but not too bad considering the scenario GIL is working with and my present circumstances that I will go into next.

A little over a week ago, my uncle unexpectedly passed and it has been an unusual death to process. To be honest, we were not that close, but he had being growing more-and-more enfeebled over the last year and I semi-frequently was called on to help pick him up whenever he fell or needed something that my mother wasn’t equipped to provide. It honestly wasn’t much, but it was enough to make his death feel bittersweet for me.

The more gut wrenching side of things has to do with with my mother. He was her little brother, and she wouldn’t normally take it well, but the circumstances surrounding his accident have been traumatic for the family, and that has been doubly exacerbated by aunt’s callousness and refusal to honor my uncle’s wishes, leaving it to fall to my mother to honor, plan, and execute them.

Honestly, I hesitated to even mention this, but it has impacted work.

My mother isn’t young. The stress has visibly taken its toll on her physically and I am doing my best to be there for her. Basically, lots of dinners, drop-ins, and help with errands. Just company to keep her mind occupied with anything other than grim reality. GIL and mine’s rhythm hasn’t faltered too bad, as I’m lucky enough to have a job with flexible hours, but the memorial isn’t for another week and grief is an unpredictable thing. Just when I think my mom’s coming to terms with the situation, some detail or connection will stir up raw distress. That is just how it is when someone close to you dies, but seeing the woman I love most in the world weighed down with grief, haggard, and at wits end… I would be lying if I said haven’t been fixated on her own mortality since the event and that puts a damper writing porn.

Luckily we’re in a more literal action-oriented segment, and the routine of work has been a relief, but things will be touch-and-go for at least another week.

Onto the second order of business:

This has nothing to do with the above, but it is safe to say our 4-month (public) goal for the update is gonna end up in flames. Full transparency: I went in hoping we would maximize the linearity of events and be tactful with the branches, but I can’t fucking help myself. There’s so much I want to cram into a limited space, a desire which became even more paramount once a very important plot twist got finalized in my mind.

And it’s not even so much of a we’ll miss it by a month, or maybe two, but its a “I don’t fucking know, man.” When you’re in the trenches, it can be hard to see the big picture. Both GIL and I fixate on the moment-to-moment spending time on weird details that are important to us.

I mean, I could dial back on my Fellini-ass direction that makes GIL move characters all over the fucking place and he could stop autismoing over background details/scene logic that 95% of people won’t notice or care about, but these are what both bring us joy and stress us out to no end.

Ultimately, in my mind, an exhibition should have variability. It is the very logic the first two events were built around and honestly I’m not skilled enough to boil things down to whats essential. I follow my id, and sometimes the voice inside my head just really wants to see Veronica get railed 7 different ways to Sunday. Plus, well, probably should pay off all that relationship building in different ways during the super stressful exhibition.

But man, we are so, so, so bad at estimating dates it is unreal. Or I am, at least. GIL just follows along with my madness and having to play the bad-man editor whenever I get too excited about something. It’s crazy to think I wanted to do the whole exhibition inside of a single update. I really had hoped that publicly sharing our internal goal for the first time ever would help me focus the story in a meaningful way, but I am a hack.

I wanted to bring this up because the next dev diary will land in February and I want to be fully transparent before the start of the month rolls around and pledges get processed. If you were hanging on for a February or a March release, I am sorry to disappoint you. As always, your support is dear to us and it shouldn’t be taken for granted.

On that note, just a reminder, it is good to remember nothing in life is a given. I hope you all can find some joy, small or otherwise, that tethers and makes you appreciate this moment-in-time that you are living.

(Small note by GIL)
-We have 21 animation drafts not counted in the totals.