Alienated Parent Forums (Premium E328)

Yet another validation for not reading the damn paywall WSJ.

I feel bad for people who actually struggle with Narcissistic Personality Disorder the way armchair psychologists treat it as a symptom for ontologically evil.

Well shit; this dude appeared in my YouTube feed a couple months ago andI had to wonder what the fuck was his deal. It’s just yet another awful person who believes they’re gifted. Ugh

Julian has such a good Mother Soprano impression

This episode hit extremely close to home for me, as someone who has an emotionally + financially abusive mother, and has limited contact. It’s definitely a pattern for abusive parents to construct villainizing narratives about adult children who aren’t compliant or push back at their behavior. My siblings and I deal with this sort of thing regularly with her, where we know what she tells us is usually a distorted facsimile of the truth. It’s what she tells people over and over, all to feel better about herself. At the moment, I’m not in a position to go NC (though it’s absolutely not off the table). But I *do* know that it’s often a last resort for traumatized adult children like me. It’s basically a kill-switch for when you reach your limit and can’t keep dealing with the abuse anymore. Jake’s take starting at 34:30 was 100% on-the-nose, too. My mother cared for her own abusive mother as she was dying, purely out of obligation she felt. I think the idea of “I don’t need to put up with a parent mistreating me” is deeply earth-shattering and existentially terrifying to older generations. The fact that younger generations are committing to that does feel like resentment over the path they chose.

Bad Parent: "I have a 22 year old son" Woke Q: "think mirror"

Can't wait to hear your thought on Micheal Flynn stealing millions from taxpayers for being"wrongfully" prosecuted for a crime he admitted to. Lmfao

Let’s take a safety timeout. We all know (no matter the gender) the Chester touched us take your LP hate down one key ha :)

In regards to not rushing to troll online groups QAA occasionally highlight, I like the 'Dont play in the poop.' Rule

What's the Stephan molyniueux episode, I need to listen to it

Jake, I knew your ass was gonna pull out “to sit in solemn silence” 😂

Absolutely love Italian Dracula at the end there.

I think you all were way too nice to the woman with the house her kids are trashing- referring to her daughter as having narcissistic traits since early childhood is the reddest of flags in these communities

Resubscribed just to hear yall dunk on these chuckleheads — as an alienated child of one of them

The episode I didn’t know I needed ❤️

found their facebook groups two years ago. made me sick.

May all these kids thrive while their parents vegetate into nothingness in assisted living facilities

Just wanting to let you know that I haven't been able to find a way to subscribing to Cursed Media that does not require a credit card. I know, it's very common for Americans to have credit cards, but in the EU not so much (or maybe I am just with the wrong bank) Anyway, I understand why you wouldn't want PayPal etc. but this means I am effectively out of options unless you have a PO box that I can mail cash to. I would even do Bitcoin, but I guess that would be even worse.

This episode cried out for Travis View, but it cried in vain

I am Irish/British and there were a number of cultural elements the team were blind to eg Short Sharp Shock https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Short,_sharp_shock#UK_politics If only the podcast team had a british correspondent (with Irish roots) married to a very learned history professor and parent of his kidswho could steer them around the cultural issues. OP as a GB/Ireland resident would pick up the political climate There is a social strata in Ireland the anglo-irish aristocracy - AKA Modern entrepreneurs managing a historic family legacy and this family sounds like they're from a level just below One other fact is that lots of people in Dublin, Ireland who bought property in the '90s for €120,000 would now have a property worth €1,495,00 Also I'm not one to blame the OP, but probably those kids were neuro-divergent, probably like OP - hence the blindness to the emotional termperature, and expectation of rule following

To sit in solemn silence on a dull dark dock in a pestilential prison with a lifelong lock. Awaiting the sensation of a short sharp shock from a cheap and chippy chopper with a big black block But at the end half the class would yell “cock” instead of block. Then we would gaslight the teacher that we actually said block

I am a now officially middle aged millennial and in the past year I read the book Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents and started therapy for the first time. I had to come to the sad realization that my parents have always been this way (absent physically and emotionally) when seeing how they now act as grandparents to my toddler. I’ve been aware of the ‘no contact’ movement and the crazy reactions to it for a while. Awesome episode, this could literally be a whole Cursed mini series!

Mumsnet? Oh god. "Penis beaker".

Still listening but the first one…not sure I agree with the take of blaming dad. I know plenty of people who don’t like dad/step-mom because single mom had no rules and was raising feral children, and that structure for only some weekends felt authoritarian. Obviously we don’t get the whole reading, but it seemed like a mom who spoiled kids and never held them accountable and is now, finally a little fed up with what she created. I was just a little shocked at the end of the story when they all agreed dad must be a monster.

As an Irish person, there's more weirdness to add to the first story. Trigger warning for Americans paying huge student loans :D In Ireland, 3rd level education is virtually free. There is a admin fee paid by the student (which was, when I had to pay it many moons ago, about 300 euro). Obviously there's books etc but this person is clearing not sharing additional important information. Here's some thoughts on that: 1) The children might be going to private colleges. In Ireland, private education is seen as inferior, that the student couldn't get the grades to go to "real" university. One common joke refers to DBS (Dublin Business School) as "Daddy Bought School". If she's sending her kids to one of these schools, generally we're talking about a rich person. 2) Ireland has, for decades, been quite a prosperous country where employment is at maximum. There is zero need for a parent to travel to find a good job. That whole bit makes me feel very suspicious and doesn't feel right. These two facts combined make me wonder if the person is from the North where different rules may apply. It's that, or she has some form of extremely high paid job that necessitates her being in some English head office away from home. 3) The prosperity thing above does not tell the whole story of current Ireland. Housing is at an absolute premium here. It's at such a premium that wealthy parents would often buy a place for their kids rather than pay rent then rent it to others once they move on (I have lived in 2 such places before I got my own). You are essentially rich in Ireland if your mortgage is paid and you have a job, rent is so expensive. The landlord "class" is not popular here, so it'd be a good move not to make a big thing out of owning a place you don't live in if you were looking for sympathy on the internet... 4) The hobbies and multiple trips abroad etc mentioned are absolutely what you would call middle class here. I wouldn't be suprised if her kids had deliberately unusual Irish names like Uaigneas (also a joke about well to do types in Dublin). 5) Here's where I got really curious. The kids work full time and go to college... well... what's going on here then. You basically CANNOT do that if you have gone to third level through the mainline people usually do. You apply to your universities, you get your Leaving Cert results, if you score high enough you get it. That's it for most people. It's a full time gig, and you will not find a full time job that'll work around that. A lot of students do work, but it's part time. However you CAN work full time and do university - I've done it myself, got a Masters while working full time. But in Ireland, this is not something that usually causes much of a financial burden. It cost me 600 euro per year (the Irish government has a system to upskill because increased knowledge = more pay = more tax). If you find yourself unemployed, it is completely free. Generally, you're a grown ass human if you're doing university this way, it's very rare to encounter someone under 25 in one of these courses. While undergrad degrees do exist under this system, they're generally used for post grad. So yeah... good on the guys for sniffing out she's not telling the full story without the context of Irishness, where it smells even weirder.

The mom from the second story sounds like mink stole’s character in desperate living

Julian invents his own Sonichu style hybrid monster, the “Xenobite”

It's honestly pretty satisfying to think of these fucking morons never able to meet their grandchildren because their kids are like "fuck no, not exposing my kid to that". My hope is that there's going to be a generation of young people whose parents actually did set boundaries and protect them. I want an alternate universe Hereditary where the kids report Toni Colette and Gabriel Byrne for neglect/negligence and go no contact. Toni Colette insists on staying in her moldy arts & crafts monstrosity and in the last scene, instead of sawing her own head off with piano wire, she's posting. "Well sure, my mother had her eccentricities but she sacrificed everything for us, and by 'everything' I mean goats and by 'us' I mean the devil, and I turned out fine. Kids today expect you to be there for them constantly, supervising them like some kind of caregiver, carrying their EpiPens around to every event. In my day if your airways swelled up you just stuck your head out the window to get some air and got on with it. Rant rant rant"

I never expected to hear my favorite pod speak about doormat mom but somehow it makes sense. Sending love to all of you who are dealing with the difficult decision to go no contact with your family!

Blegh time to show my mommy issues but this is my situation. 2/5 kids in our family do not talk to parents at all and 4/5 have been no or limited contact at some point. Jake’s point about parents being insulted and boggled because their parents were worse is very true in my case. My mom has constantly said “Well my dad beat me and I forgave him!” First of all damn, didn’t know that about grandpa and now it makes me feel some type of way about him. Second, you didn’t have to forgive him. If you hadn’t I would have respected that. Abuse in the past doesn’t mean we all have to put up with abuse, or accept it with no apology, or explanation, or improvements

Doormat is truly so evil. Her eyes are so scary - they are black.

Had to pay for membership again just for this ep. Love u guys

I can absolutely relate to the “jealous parent” comment Jake makes at the 35 minute mark. My mom was raised by immigrant parents and her life centered around her parents’ needs, even after my mom married and had her own kids. I can absolutely tell that she resents me for living the life I chose for myself and not the one she thinks I should have, which is centered around her.

Great episode.

God this probably has roots in Hampstead conspiracy too.

Spencer is very naive. I grew up in a rough area; kids would be getting groomed and jumped into gangs in -elementary- school. An overly-privileged kid stealing credit card information is not remotely unbelievable.

This is my favorite $5 I spend every month :)

That write-up in the Wall Street journal is wrong... Wellington's daughter was having two weddings, one in Australia and one in Britain where her mother lived. She did not invite her mother to the Australian wedding and her mom had a cow and estranged her daughter over it. And then she goes on the internet and blames her daughter... Total piece of work.

This one could have easily been twice as long. Moar please

Oh fuck I've been aware of and interested in this topic for awhile now mainly due to my own personal experiences and I'm so ready for the dumpster fire that I know this episode is gonna be

I declare a fatwa on all these parents holy fuck

Can't believe QAA is doing an episode just for me and my parental trauma

“Women who are 15 years away from retirement and acting crazy” so going through menopause, got it. As an adult who has mild trauma from living with my mother going through menopause, there really needs to be more medical support and research into women’s health.

As someone with cptsd... I didn't even know this was a thing, absolutely grim.

“Your kid’s not Prince!”

what episode is it that you guys talked about repressed and/or false memories?

"epiZode"

Hellraiser = Cenobites, NOT zenobites

Back story, I am a widowed 50 Yr old mum to twin autistic boys... thank you so much for the confidence boost that I am doing just great.

The term "short, sharp, shock" used in the UK is normally a reference to youth detention centres that existed in the 1980s under the government of Margaret Thatcher. Their military-style discipline was meant to deter youth offending. The mother's use of that term doesn't mean she's a theatre person nor is she knowingly making a reference to chopping the children's heads off. You've overinterpreted the phrase.

The single mom at the start, >huge< giveaway that she's living in the UK, but owns property in Ireland, and can spend €15k on trivial stuff. None of that is normal in Ireland. Most of us are month-to- month, baby.

I’d pay money to watch my MAGA pilled transphobic white supremacist father cry on TikTok because my gender made him abuse me. And then I’d probably have a mental breakdown afterwards and pay more money for the copay and coinsurance to go to the ER and be admitted to the psych ward again. All that said, I’ll just happily stay no contact and try to move on with my day. Solidarity to all the adult children recovering from parental psychological abuse.

There’s a “doormat mom” app, where like can meet like.

developing a new theory about Jake having anxiety despite loving parents bc of this fucking squirrel psycho

Alienated Uncs (Jake and Julian)

This episode is so apt. I recently went back in contact after 6 years with my mom. She is sick due to alcoholism and I have done a lot of healing via EMDR, therapy, and 2500 mile distance. She has accepted responsibility for her actions and apologized and seemingly changing her behavior. I educated my Dad on these sites and creators to prevent her from exploring them. I don't think it would have been possible for us to reconcile had she seen these sites. These creators are evil and an echo chamber of extremely sick people. No one goes no contact by choice. It was the hardest thing but also did bring me the most joy and peace. I also think our reconciliation was only possible due to taking space and healing. No contact is a beautiful thing. Thank you for covering these forums. I sent the episode for my Dad to listen ** also want to say, reconciliation for me was never the goal and shouldn’t be. My story is not the norm, and it’s even harder in some ways to navigate a lot of emotional damage, abuse, sobriety, a new dog they were given outside of a Kroger and hearing what you always wanted to heal but it not magically fixing everything.

Liv giveth and Jake taketh away vol 7

As a Gen x, if you are north of 40 and afab and losing your mind, sad, anxious, sleepless, irritable, talk to your friends about the symptoms of perimenopause and go see your doctor. The alienated parent stories I heard from boomers about their parents are nightmare fuel, I think they just mostly don't post about it, and their parents are often dead.

Hell yeah. The first time I ever came across this concept in a formally written way was The Missing Missing Reasons: https://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-missing-reasons.html Edit: It got a mention at 3:30! That'll teach me to listen before commenting.

Juliannnnnnnnnnnnnnn

Been a member of a facebook page called "grandparents rights 911" for a few years cant wait to dig into this one 😢

If you wanna explore more weird forums may I recommend Trapperman.com? Peak redneck boomerposting

Oh hell yes, this is gonna be great

Lov Auger

god I love you guys

Liv Agar

Hell, yeah.

First! Woohoo!