Mixed Bag of Holding: Apple Sommeliers

Shoutout to Red Delicious and Sugar Bee who could not be represented here today

This is the first time I think I’ve ever been mad at yall. Pink lady’s and honey crisps are so good

I used to work at an apple orchard that grew and sold over 60 different varieties. Honeycrisp were the most popular. Interesting that Emily and Jake didn’t like the mealiness of fujis but loved the gala. Galas are like the softest apples. If you ever do this again, please try Evercrisp and Ambrosia (my favorites), and add an Arkansas Black and Red Delicious (bad) for the range. Also, since Jake has access to them, Empire and Cortland to fill in the middle range. By y’all’s reactions I feel like you definitely would have different tastebuds than I.

Granny Smith is my favorite apple (I don't like sweet things) and it should not be mealy! It should be super crisp and almost hard. They're also the best for dipping in peanut butter as they cut through the sweetness and fat of the peanut butter.

This is finally the episode where Caldwell goes full Bert

I can't get over the fact that Emily kept comparing apples she didn't like to childhood when I swear to Babayaga, Gala apples are the only ones that schools ever served when I was child and that is my least favorite apple.

How about satsumas?

In defense of Caldwell's honeycrisp rating, more than any other apple variety that I've tried, honeycrisps often have a definitive flavor gradient where one side of the apple is way sweeter than the other. I think his squirters are fine, and he just got the bland bit!

Cosmic crisp was bread by a professor in Washington who hated that apples went brown too quick when he would make them for his kids and he spent 20years selectively breading apples to be not brown the longest 10/10 cuties

SweeTango is the best Apple!!!! I ate One in my early 30s, and it changed how I think about apples

Future apples for your consideration: https://www.tt.site/t/ZPLSHLh8f/

I love the somm episodes so much, but I was burned during the m&ms episode (they had never even heard of my favorite flavor, pb&j). Now I’m shaking in my boots seeing my favorite actually in the line up this time. I fear for the worst now that I have something to lose 😣😣

it’s not a taste test episode until emily says that one of the options set off her squirters frfr

This episode is the reason I upgraded my membership subscription 😂

Genuinely the best episode ever uploaded

I have just discovered this museum https://www.facebook.com/share/r/1BQmeAFitt/?mibextid=wwXIfr now we need a field trip

Enjoyed the episode, but I'm truly outraged by the lack of representation for green apples...

I kid you not. I think I've put strain on my friend group by asking what type of apple everyone prefers.

Honestly thought I wouldn't like this episode, but I came around. Now I have a new goal in life to try a mythical Blue Banana and determine if it's an affront to God, science, or both 😂

On your next tasting try to find Cameo apples. I got a free apple at lunch break for one of my jobs and I tried dozens of breeds of apple. Cameo was my favorite of them all but they can be hard to find.

watery apples could be good apples for horses i feel

Y'all gotta get a "Pink Pearl" it's flesh is pink not white

If you are around NY and want to dig into Pomology check out the Hudson Valley Apple Project! https://hudsonvalleyappleproject.com/

This is why I subscribe, this is peak content. That said, pink ladies are the best. I will not elaborate.

Love this. I get a bag of gala apples every week and once I got Fuji because they look similar and it was AWFUL

Murph getting "go away heat" for fence sitting

Your dumbest premises are always produce gold.

The perfect fall mixed bag (of apples) Also Emily and I have spookily the same apple history. Also Emily is right, she doesn’t have to put up with flak from apple fanboy Murph. And I need to point this out - Jake: huh, the outside looks like a little constellation Ten seconds later “there’s no reason to call it cosmic!” Also, beyond the look, it was designed to last longer and stay fresher than any other apple cultivar. It really is a space age Apple

No Sweetango? Understandable, they're hard to find, but they're the best

The worst apples according to sales in my dept are pink ladies, gala, and red delicious. The worst apples.

listening to this after seeing the London live show, heavily featuring apple cars??? I've connected the dots!

Cosmic crisp is named that because the white speckles on the skin are like stars!

I was once pleasantly stoned at a Sprouts after a workout when a lady approached me and said “hi would you like to try a Cosmic Crisp Apple?” And I stared at her in disbelieve. She smiled and said “it’s free!” Handing me an ice cold apple and she walked away. I did my shopping, cold apple in hand as I didn’t want it confused with my standard purchase, and went to check out prepared to argue that someone gave me this apple, some sort of apple rep, and that I’m not stealing it but it never came up. Stepping into the late afternoon heat as I exited the Sprouts, I took a bite of the still cold Cosmic Crisp apple and it changed me. One of the best Apple experiences I’ve ever had. 10/10 (I still think that lady might have been some sort of Apple witch with no association to sprouts)

Granny Smith is my husband's absolute favorite apple so this is hilarious to me

Me prior to start: "I think they may be running out of ideas" Me 10 min in: "What is wrong with Caldwell?" Me at the end: "Man I really wish I had an apple"

There are some surprising takes in thi episode, but somehow, the most shocking one might have been Murph saying that red delicious apples are "also fine." Red delicious apples are like 5 dooties for me. Worst apples in the world.

no macintosh is diabolical

Amongst apple lovers I've gotten flak before for loving Macintosh, but when you get a good crisp one they have a level of tart juicyness that ive havent found elsewhere

What we’ve learned is that Murph and Caldwell have terrible taste in apples.

I can’t believe there wasn’t a single “apple a day keeps the doctor away” joke. Must have been low hanging fruit

I don’t trust big banana. If it’s the only affordable source of food I have no issue with people eating them but the banana industry is super corrupt. At least apples are mostly grown in America or in countries with some workers rights.

This is perfectly timed! The week after next my city is holding the Granny Smith Festival, in honour of the real Granny Smith who invented the apple in Ryde, Sydney!! It's literally my most favourite occasion of the year, we missed it last year because I gave birth a few days before but this year I have an apple loving 1 year old ready for a day of apple themed fun!! So Caldwell, if you're going to do an impression of Granny Smith, make sure she's Aussie next time!

You guys are the best

Fence sitting Murph, classic!

Listening to this apparently led me to apple based delirium as I proceeded to buy every variety of apple at my local store

I would like to point out that the Granny Smith is operating on a different level because it's usually used in baking (pies, crumbles, etc.) rather than consuming raw (although you can also eat them raw). As such, I believe they deserve an honorable mention 🥧 🍏

Whoever was editing this did a good job of keeping in the crunchiest bites of each apple. Something really funny about them recording each bite of an apple.

Caldwell needs to try the Winter Banana. It’s an apple

I will always beg for more Twilight Santorum around this time of year, but this nails the fall vibes for me :)

I eat a cosmic crisp everyday. It has reinvigorated my love of apples.

Cosmic Crisp apples and Cougar Gold cheese are the best things to come out of Washington state university

im with Murph, never been offended by an Apple. Apple is Apple

Guys, please help me- everyone on earth hates Red Delicious except me. Are the RDs in your area crisp, snappy, and delicious? Because I swear mine are.

No representation for Cox's Orange Pippin?!? It's almost like they aren't taking this seriously.

No apple review is complete without Sweet Tango.

My first trimester I was throwing up multiple times a day fo weeks. Nothing helped until I finally got medicine and I ate so many apples because they're easy in the stomach. They part of the BRAT diet

Love the 2 Crew, but these apple takes were just plain wrong. Emily immediately writing some off after smelling the skin? Caldwell’s toon taste, where everything is opposite? Jork having to sit out the last portion because he didn’t get the same apples? Murph daring to say Red Delicious is “fine”? Excuse me? That is the definition of a garbage apple. Oh, and don’t get me started on the Honeycrisp slander. Honeycrisp takes a back seat to no apple! The selection was questionable too. All reds, one purple, and one green? Where are the Opals or Golden Delicious? I demand a 2 Crew Redo (Re Dew?)! Something like the previous sommelier eps, with separate categories to rate: snap, flavor, looks, mouthfeel and, of course, squirter response.

No ambrosia?! Straight to jail

Where’s the love for the red flesh apples? I got converted to Lucy Glo’s a few years ago and I can’t go back.

Crazy how relevant this episode was to the london live show

I can't believe I recently switched my lunch fruit from apples to plums, and then they drop this. How could I be such a fool?!

I'll be reading this as a companion piece to the London live show

Murph is right. Also fun fact: putting a little bit of lemon juice on apple slices will keep them from browning quickly and make them taste like tart candy!

I think this is my favorite taste testing! For other potential subjects, I think mangos could be a good one. Maybe even cake. Jake, we need your cake opinions NOW. U can't run.... also maybe decaf coffee so Emily can be in it lol and see how Murph reacts to it :)

Taste test suggestions that I think would be funny: 1. Alternative milks (almond, oat, rice, etc) 2. Protein drinks (Fairlife, muscle milk, nurri) 3. Gatorade colors 4. Nuts 5. Canned soups

What happened in Emily’s childhood to give her such horrendous Apple takes?!?

wait doing an apple tasting mixed bag when jake specifically has covid is very funny, sorry jake

wow, I’m absolutely honored. I hosted an apple podcast in high school called “Bunches and Baskets”, and I’m shocked to see such blatant stealing. ps. hate the show

i love you knuckleheads. Bad luck that I love to listen to this stuff too. keep doing what sparks joy xD

Just because it was mentioned in the episode.. Taste a bunch of Doritos flavours, maybe with different Mt. Dew pairing!

The best website come fall - https://applerankings.com/

Agree that Fuji are bad eating apples but great for baking

I think a gummy test would rule, the world market in Burbank has something called squashies and the texture is Psychotic it’s like a near marshmallow

If you stand for nothing, murph, what will you fall for?

Honey crisp is #1 and it’s not even close

There’s a podcasts about cosmic crisp apples out there that fundamentally shaped my worldview

Are American Granny Smiths different to Australian ones? Because in my world they are the only apple for me, my love

This one rly made me laugh

“Emily were you a nerd??” asks the man who grew up watching anime and who is a professional D&D player

Never heard of soluna apples before but I’ve got to try them now… also Jake having a family member in the Apple business?? Why is his whole lineage business makers LMAO

Somebody tell Emily that theres a new star wars game coming out with a confirmed sabulba cameo!

Listening to this episode while munching a Granny Smith, which I argue is the best apple hands down

Also, Caldwell, best of luck with your salivary colonic.

I said EWW MURPH out loud in my car when he said he likes mealy. I never want to yuck anyone's yum except for right now, y'all are perverts. Please try a cortland and a haralson next time. Emily, I'm sorry for the apple trauma you suffered, Jake, you're perfect.

Did y’all buy these apples at a grocery store? I demand a recount from a local farmer’s market. 😁 *edit: Please pet dogs. And invite your fans. I’m there.

imagine the timeline where they included red delicious. in a way perhaps it is better that we weren't exposed to a potentially lethal psychic blast

Well now I feel the need to go on a quest to try cosmic crips and soluna! Pretty sure we don’t have them in my country but maybe I haven’t been looking. Loved this episode. Caldwell’s apple preferences are an abomination.

I can't believe Murphy actually said "all apples matter". #cancelled

Murph claiming the superior sense of taste when his assessment of every apple is "tastes like an apple".

As a farmers market employee and apple devotee this episode is SO for me I can’t BELIEVE it. I’m so happy.

Anyone reading this who has a teacher please give them an apple and say “to knowledge”

this could’ve been twilight sanctorum 😭😭😭

Hearing Murph and Emily interact with dogs would be interesting, since they’re both clearly cat people. Jake and Caldwell are both dog dads (and actual dads), so I’m sure they’d be great with them. The childless cat people, however…..

As an LA resident, I just need to know which grocery store has the Soluna apples

Them using cuties to rank apples is like comparing... apples and oranges

Doing an apple tasting in late August is… I mean, it’s crazy. Unless you’re tasting exclusively Paula Red and Ginger Gold. Wait a month and you’ll have a bunch of brand new apples to try. I manage a produce department and in August we literally run out of certain varieties because the last of the previous years crop is running out. August is as far away from fresh apples as you can get, except for a couple early varieties. Sorry, I’m a little passionate about this topic Edit: Caldwell doesn’t think Honeycrisp is sweet. The inarguably sweetest mainstream apple. This test is bonkers

Havent listened yet. Have yall heard of applerankings.com? It's hilarious.

Cosmic crisp is the win for me

As an avid apple-lover, some of these takes were WILD. Good to know that I share some table apple preferences with Emily/Jake (a sweet tart apple with an incredibly crisp bite are my fave) but I feel like they were let down by the individual apples that were grabbed at the store. How can you like cosmic crisp and not honeycrisp, the cosmic is literally a hybrid derivative cultivar!

My aunt has an orchard and she got exactly 1 apple this year and this ep made me so sad thinking about how ill have to purchase my own apples this year. Also they are crazy for saying huge apples are bad. Huge apples are the best. The bigger they are the better. Yall just a bunch of apple cowards

insane world where i'm agreeing more with emily than murph in a tasting episode

Glad to see Emily joining team knife sharpening! It can actually be pretty meditative!

Whe you MANIACS said you LIKE A MEALY APPLE I freaking SHRIEKED.

You know you’ve made it as a brand when you can taste test apples and it’s a goddamned delight

Neutral Murph might be the worst Murph

Nothing makes me laugh more than Murph getting slightly pissed off about something 😭 (also yall influenced me to grab a Granny Smith from my college dining hall as I was listening to this)

Emily and I have the opposite taste in apples 😅 And don’t even get me started on Caldwell!!! To be fair, I’ve never had a Soluna!

Yes Macoun all the way! I love eating baking apples. I love firm and tart. NE apple orchards rise up

Macintosh apples are my favorite. Small apple so it's the perfect snack but it's sweet so Em might not like it. I think it's a late fall apple though

I feel as though there's potential for some sort of social study based on the visceral reactions (or lack thereof on Murph's part) from these apples. Also, I will defend mealy apples until the end! Fruit shouldn't be hard or crunchy. That's just morally wrong.

Im a apple farmer from Cornwall and i promised you a fresh queen cox is unbeatable and you are welcome to try that (side note its varieties not breeds )

Fuji and honeycrisp are two of my faves 😥

All I’m gonna say is this, an apple ranking website exists and it’s beautiful, they HATE the red delicious https://applerankings.com/

This was very triggering to those of us who are kindergarten teachers and just survived apple week at school last week.

But Cosmic Crisp is a dolphin?? Confused 🫤 😂

Braeburn!!

Just learned from Taskmaster UK that what that squirting in the mouth is called, it’s known as ‘gleeking’

Jake is correct strawberry is the best fruit

Emily looking like your fave/ the hottest serial killer is my new favorite thing

Fun Fact: the cosmic crisp is named that due to the colouration/pattern. The dark color with white speckles is reminiscent of a night sky, hence the name Cosmic Crisp

Pink lady makes me think of nurse joy!!! 🏥🩷

This was my favorite piece of media you guys have ever put out ❤️🍎🍏 (justice for red yellow apple)

I can’t believe Murph and Caldwell can be this wrong about apples- I was so with them at the beginning but as soon as the ratings started I was SHOCKED

"Tastes like childhood" she spat with disgust. Iconic

The apples made me realize I am Caldwell

Just want to say, it's awesome to see y'all still have the Pawpaw festival poster we sent up on the wall :) so glad you liked it

My personal fav at the moment is Sugarbee. Most disappointing apple has been snapdragons, don't live up to the band at all

Yall should try cookies there's so many kinds of them and if you dont have one available you can make them

Idk what this leads to but Fuji imho

Had to go get some golden delicious after this ep to show them some love after being completely shunned

Thought you all had already done a patreon episode on grapes, then realized that was another headgum podcast (hey riddle riddle) that ate one grape every minute for an hour 🤣

DUDE MEALY APPLES ARE UNIVERSALLY HATED I THOUGHT OMG Also everyone not being in love with pink ladies? I feel like my core understanding of reality is shifted.

Each individual apple can be different and they taste different as they get older. Your sugarbee seems dull looking. I individually pick my apples and only buy the shiniest ones. No dull apples!

The apples were referenced in the London Live Show today and, as someone who regularly listens to the pod while scrumping for apples from people's gardens, to compare them all at home, I could not be happier with this content

Bruh, if you got a mealy fuji apple that's a skill issue, respectfully. You picked the wrong one at the store, my guy

Does anyone else here feel like Fuji apples aren’t the same as they used to be? They were once among my favorites, but now for the past decade, every time I’ve tasted one, it seems like it has no flavor. Did something happen, or is it just me?

After Emily's immediate Fuji apple opinion I knew I was on her side big time. The sad apple of my childhood was red delicious but even still what a core memory. Then Emily cemented her babyface turn for the ep by having to defend her rating system vs everyone else on the pod. She can klump

I'm an SLP and actually just took a course on the intricacies of saliva, causes of salivary problems, and therapeutic interventions. There's help out there for you Caldwell!!

If I had to guess I'd say Soluna apple is named that after the Greek and Roman goddesses of the Moon Selena and Luna respectively. Which is why it's the darkest, probably.

The panel is compromised until Caldwell gets his squirters ear-candled.

Suggestion for popsicles taste ranking ,like the ones you would get from an ice cream truck as a kid.

Unrelated to this mixed bag but a request for a future mixed bag. Ya’ll need to watch PROJECT ALF which gives everyone the much needed closure of what happened to Alf after the series finale (because not everything can hit the heights of the Dinosaurs finale). And of course it’s free on Tubi

“You’re squirtless by choice because you could ear-candle your squirters at any point.” Is precisely the content I pay for

I wish they tried Cortlands! They’re my favorite. Honestly though, Caldwell has the right of it

My history with Apples is that the Portland Nursery used to have an Apple festival every September. We would go every year. The main event was an Apple (and pear!) tasting. It was a huge line of tables of pre sliced apple varieties. They would give you a sheet to rank and remember the apples, then you could go buy them from big baskets. So this is honestly very normal to me. My favorite is pink lady, my dad was a Honey crisp man. But he was on the Cosmic Crisp hype train even before they came out. Really sad they no longer put on the festival.

I identify so hard with grabbing an apple due to low blood sugar after a workout. Glad it’s not just me that feels like I’m gonna die when it happens

Cosmic crisp is my favorite too!

I was looking up Soluna Apple's and came across Tom Brown, a retired chemical engineer from North Carolina who has been searching for and saving heritage apples since 1999. So far he's found over a 1000 varieties! https://www.applesearch.org/index.html

As a Washingtonian apple fan, the cosmic crisp is the hometown hero. I'd even go so far to say that they're the regulation apple.

you guys gotta look into brian frange and his lifelong work. at least half of yall would go nuts finding the extent of that rabbit hole

Dibs on Bobbing for Fujis as a band name

Gala and Cosmic Crip are best red apples, Granny Smith is a honorable mention. it’s hard to compare her to other apples because she is so distinct. Fuji and macintosh are by far the worst. Ever so slightly above Macintosh because I’d rather have a sweet apple compared to a soft mealy one.

Segway to my favorite rabbit hole, the retired engineer turned orchard owner in NC who’s spent 30 years discovering and re-planting over 1,200 lost apple varieties. 2Crew? Nah, Tom Brown Crew 🫡 https://www.applesearch.org

Caldwell is so wrong smh… can’t believe they let a dude who doesn’t like apples be an apple judge 😔😔

God how I needed this

*insert obligatory hate comment on murph for having a mild take*

Emily is absolutely correct about subjective restaurant ratings. I watched someone call their food perfection, say “compliments to the chef” unironically, and then rate it 3 stars.

I eat a cosmic crisp apple every day with my lunch! They are so very good.

As someone who’s been researching the absolutely insane names of apples in England’s history, this episode is very enjoyable for me 😂 Here’s a few funny English varieties from the 1800s and some still grown today: Mr. Cox’s Orange Pippin Bloody Ploughman D’Arcy Spice Devonshire Quarrenden Diamond Jubilee Dog’s Snout Dumelow’s Seedling Feltham Beauty The Martian Apple

Emily! We did apple bobbing with pink ladies at my wedding this solstice!! All the women there got super into it and gloriously fucked up our makeup and hair. but we also had to throw other fruit in for my niece because she couldn’t fit her teeth around one, so… 7 out of 5 cuties

Not having Cortland or McIntosh apples on this list is depressing. They are the GOATs and should be in season now

I start skeptical of all apples, they’re my least favorite fruit. I could not disagree with Murph more. The ones I like are tart and crisp, any hint of sweetness and mealiness, I’m out.

I developed an apple allergy as an adult and am no long able to eat them and I miss them all the time. I will defend you to my dying day my beloved Pink Lady.

How about them apples? Or those? Which apples will it be?

Not me googling every apple so I have a visual and screwing up my entire algorithm

Wonder what Tucker thinks of these fruits. I think yall should bring him on the pod for a mix bag

released the week of the famed upstate NY Apple Fest I said "oh im sure"

I am begging you people to start writing down your ratings 😭 every sommelier video you all do ends with none of you remembering what you thought of the earlier tastes/sips

Oh I wonder which orchard in Connecticut belongs to Jake’s cousin

Eating the Granny Smith last feels like sabotage! You’ve been eating so many sweet apples it’s gonna taste much more extreme than it would on first bite!

Respectfully, I am appalled by all the apple-pinions in wildly different ways. 10/10

I’m dying to know what their opinion of cotton candy grapes are.

Also a giant Tupperware of apple and orange (or watermelon) at half time brought by a rotating list of players parents is an absolute childhood classic and I guarantee a LOT of you out there will back me up.

Murph’s applethy sickens me.

I think I’m definitely on the Emily/Jake train when it comes to apples. Tart and sweet baby! Honeycrisp and Cosmic Crisp apples are by far my favourite eating apples and I’m genuinely surprised Emily doesn’t like both seeing as the Cosmic Crisp is a hybrid of Honeycrisp and Enterprise apples developed to bring out Honeycrisp’s best characteristics of texture and balanced flavour with a better shelf life of Enterprise! It was invented by Washington State University actually very relatively recently! When did things come out? Only finally commercially released in 2019! But realistically if anyone’s mad at anything it should be at how Caldwell pronounced “Cavendish”.

Would love to hear their take on my favorite: the golden delicious (It's been 10 years since I've eaten an apple, and I'm now allergic in general)

I think Caldwell is broken

Okay so your squirter can get clogged. My partner had a huge goiter on his neck because his salivary gland was clogged. ER said yeah that happens try sour candy or waiting for it to heal. PS I want that Soluna apple I guess they're an Australian thing.

As someone who planted two cosmic crisp trees this year i was very excited for this episode!

Jake, did you end up eating that sweet soluna apple?

this picture of emily is so sweet aw

i have eaten 2 bees and they taste very acidic and bile-forward. I haven't had a sugarbee apple so I don't know how it compares but I support emily.

“Ear candle your squirters” is possibly the most cursed thing I’ve ever heard. It’s the first time I’ve audibly said “ew” to this podcast 😂

Anyone who likes a mealy apple cannot be trusted

FYI, Washington state produces over 5 billion pounds of apples each year. New York State produces about 1 billion pounds of apples per year. The cosmic crisp was bred at my alma mater Washington State University.

As a lifelong apple lover who developed an extremely unlucky allergy in college, I'm living vicariously through y'all

As someone that grew up in the "Apple Capital of the World" - I'm insulted that I wasn't consulted for this ep. Also Caldwell's love for mealy apple is diabolical

Highly recommend checking out applerankings.com. The top rankers introduced me to some of my favorites and the bottom rankers are hilariously described. A couple of my favorites are "coffee grounds in a leather glove," "a teeth shattering oddity," and "long island's sand filled condom."

love you guys but as a washingtonian your apple opinions across the board are certifiably insane. this was a tough listen LMAO

I’m a pink lady lady

I've been listening on the way to their London show and this was a beautiful thing to prepare seeing the crew live with!!

if you think im not one hundred percent genuinely here seated vibrating with joy at naddpod crew hour long fruit draft youre kidding yourself. fruit draft now

Y’all ever have a moment of piercing lucidity where you realize that you will unquestioningly listen to four people you’ve never met taste test apples?

Im allergic to apples and was trying to figure out if Caldwell was to justify his insane opinions. I don't think he is - he's just allergic to good taste in apples 😔

Would rather never eat another fruit than take a single bite of a Fuji….

next taste test should be the bonne maman jam advent calendar!! do weird jam sommeliers!!

Yo can someone report back on whether this episode is a misophonic nightmare? I simply cannot risk it.

The moment mixed bag fruit draft was mentioned I have never switched into my old franchise mode habits to judge who’s the centerpiece fruit

My apple hot take is it tastes better when cut into slices. Also I've never heard anyone pronounce Cavendish like that 5 cuties for me

i feel like i was always being handed an apple snack as a kid but it was always a fuckass red delicious which is objectively the worst apple

Apples are such a weird fruit for me. I don't love them but don't hate them. Granny Smiths are the only apple I can eat without slicing it up. Every other apple I get two bites in and just can't eat it unless it's sliced and then I can probably eat just about any of them. I am gonna need to try this Soluna one though.

I always love the DnD, some of the most engaging and beautiful storytelling I’ve ever heard BUT if the show fully just became this I would adore that the same lol

The fact that Caldwell Tanner hates good apples is shocking. Cosmic Crisp is the best type of apple and I will not stand for his slander. I demand him be disbarred from the court! We can no longer trust his judgement. May Dice Christ have mercy on his soul

Can’t believe none of you have one of those round apple slicers. They’re just so much more convenient and the slices are all even and the core is removed

for more taste tesing options, you could do oreos. ooh or maybe different cereals

Caldwell is a monster

Cosmic crisps have my whole heart, I would die for them

I need to spread the praise of my beloved Opal apples

Proof that I will listen to these people talk about anything

As someone who loves to go apple picking every year for my birthday I want to turn everybody onto Roman Beauties. Also not all apples are built equal, a lot of them are not great for snacking but are great for baking.

There is more variation in quality of apple than there is between breeds. I would bemoan the lack of scientific rigor in this taste test, but I think squirtlessness and childhood trauma were bigger elements in the end. 🫦💦🍎

The only explanation for their Honeycrisp takes is that they got a specifically bad Honeycrisp.

Thank you for this energy to get me through the work day!!! My lunch time apple is trembling

IRT apple breeds: there’s an Ologies episode about pommology where she interviews a scientist who created a new apple breed (the Snapdragon apple, solid 3 cuties to me) and it’s all about different types of apples and what it takes to create new ones and it’s really interesting! Based on the stuff she reads, I feel like Emily would really get into Ologies, it’s a great podcast!

I would pay for a podcast of just taste tests

Waking up to pee in the middle of the night and seeing this in my notifications made me genuinely consider just fucking my whole sleep schedule.

Cosmic crisps are the GOAT

We need a sequel where you try the Lucy Glo apple, which was bred to taste like a Jolly Rancher.

"Stock" apple is fighting words...

I NEED TO TRY THE SOLUNA APPLE AND NO STORES NEAR ME SELL IT

As someone who requested exactly this, I feel so special right now 🥰

Started listening to this episode on my way back from the grocery store, had to stop at a deli to buy an apple the debate was getting so heated

I tried Wild Twist apples last year and I'm a forever fan now. It's the best apple! 🍎

I'm begging for the fruit rating

No longer varieties, apples are now breeds

Literally rating apples to oranges... I would expect no less from these legends.

Big apple hater here, no meaningful nutritional value & any mealiness tastes like tv static. Cant recommend golden kiwis enough, only 50 calories and 140% of your daily required vitamin C, versus an apples 9%

The next sommelier tasting should be a bottled water taste test

I know this is about to make me crave apples

man, I can't wait for part two, this is almost as good as When Did Things Come Out? also Richard Scarry mentioned, time to go watch Snakes with Legs

Personally, I'm a Cortland kind of guy.

My cats are named Macintosh and Gala after the apples and every time they said gala she meowed in response

I would like to open an official dioulage on pink lady apples. My long time favorite and go to ple', has fallen off a cliff, mightily. It's very sad. rockit underrepresented.

oh wait i also love mcintosh apples but those are very mealy

i’m with emily on bananas, i hate them and anything banana flavored i do love sugarbees though those were an instant favorite for me when they popped up on the scene. cosmic crisps are pretty good, and recently i’ve had wild twist apples (i think that’s what they’re called?) and those are solid too

Saying you don’t like an apple because it reminds you of childhood is insane to me. I do not understand Emily at all this episode.

I wish there was an apple with the texture of Cosmic Crisp and the flavor of Granny Smiths

what is the thing the ranking is based on? a cutie?

They’re really out here like “you’ll listen to anything we put out.” But yeah, I sure will, justice for the pink ladies

My top apples this year are Envy and Cosmic Crisps, honorable mentions to honey crisp and galas

This is the perfect prep for Apple Fest in Chicago this week

Murph can NEVER be on gastronauts 😭😭😭😭 brother has no pallet nuance

The Apple: A Mouth Delight

I am also a Cosmic Crisp simp and I was worried it wouldn’t be tried because it wasn’t one of the “main“ apple types people usually know about so I’m glad that it was the first apple that Emily mentioned. They’re so good

Honeycrisp is by far the best apple in existence

Surely the regulation apple, the Cosmic Crisp, will win

Can someone make the over the shoulder meme for Caldwell?

As a Minnesotan, Honeycrisp apples are the best hands down. Everybody thank the University of Minnesota for the greatest cultivar of apple, and if you don’t like it remember that Cosmic Crisp is a Honeycrisp without the enterprise apple cultuvar.

I would like for them to predict comment section controversy more often.

Empire apple lovers represent! Tart, crisp, small, perfect

They must have had a bad batch of Envy's. The skin is never great but the inside is the best apple. Eating way less now that my store has me over on and I have to grab a crisp

cosmic crisp hive rise UP

This episode had me crying laughing, thank you for this. I'm going to try to find a soluna to try now. I think it might be a newish variety because there's no entry on https://applerankings.com/ for it.

Sugar bee lover reporting in 🫡

Squirt sharks?

What an amazing way to start the day 😋

Cosmic Crisp I am rooting for you!! 🍎

For my birthday one year, I got a banana box from Miami fruit- in case there truly will be a banana taste test

i really like fuji apples 8(

Cosmic crisp apples are the best. And I happen to know they have a history of supporting podcasts that support them. They are a ride or die apple.

Devastated as a honey crisp lover

For some reason my pre-caffeinated brain thought murph was saying the pink lady name was from Greece and I was racking my brain thinking of Greek myths that involved pink women...

Never clicked on a post so fast what are we doing

I absolutely loved this. I am apparently the noone that the games and memes are for lol

Please please do a fruit ranking

Last night I spent the whole of my sleep dreaming of my high school best friend and the dreams we shared of an adulthood unburdened with the corrosion of shame and responsibility. I found myself feeling wistful beyond reasoning, ive spent much of my adulthood envious that he got to live those dreams just a bit more than I. And then I saw this mixed bag in my phone's notifications, and that wist and envy was replaced with a nostalgic mirth as I discovered that, despite the consensus of Murphs in society that say that all apples are just pretty good, there are also those like me that hesitate in light of the great truth, that some apples are mealy and have bad skin and are not worth the effort. I do not know why this continuum of experience makes so much sense to me, or why it feels so right, but it does. And I am grateful that I got to enjoy it with my dogs on my morning walk today. Thank you

As an apple loving Washingtonian this is basically a wet dream for me

As someone with extremely strong opinions on apples, this was tailor made for me.

RAAAAAHHHHHH after a summer of absolute golden perfect 0 fault action movies, this is the exact kind of vibe we need going into Fall

Apparently the Soluna is a very new apple breed, hopefully it will become a grocery store standard in the future

Emily were you kidnapped as a child? “Being locked in a basement and not being able to leave”

Cant wait to see what they think of the cosmic chisp the regulation apple

honey crisp gang

This is Fuji slander and I won’t stand for it

I love these guys playing DnD so much that I’ll listen to them describe apples any day. Fujis have always been my favorite but I need to try different apples I guess

What happened to Cat wine ???

My latest apple choice has been a sugar bee.

Boskoop is messing, fail!

10 minutes in and Murph is already having a Normal One

Emily is right! Bananas are a monoculture crop, the Cavendish is the main banana that people in the US eat (if you’re eating a ‘classic’ banana it’s a Cavendish). And they are indeed threatened by being a monoculture crop because the lack of diversity leaves them susceptible to plants diseases. (I read about this whole deal in Emily Monosson’s book Blight which was really good & I’d recommend!)

BEETS are nature's candy, haven't you philistines ever seen Doug???

Quite sad to see my favorite McIntosh apples not even in consideration

Omg im so excited for this!! xD

Cosmic crisp is a phenomenal apple

Ahhh hard to know whether I should listen to this on the way to seeing the show tonight or on the way to make cider this weekend! Also as the daughter of a cider brewer this is peak autumn content and I love it

Niche apples I wish they could've tried: crimson crisp, ever crisp, and ludacrisp.

Incredible new Emily word: “decrepitude”. Wow

Frustrated af at my insomnia but at least I can listen to apple sommeliers

This is the return of the GOAT show lowkey

What a magical world to live in, to be so excited to listen to people ranking apples.

Looking forward to the end ranking - I’m thinking that this is the apple I eat for the rest of my life 😂

Cosmic Crisp became my number 1 this year, dethroning the previous champion Pink Lady.

started shaking my head in frustration when caldwell talked about loving mealy apples.... the panel is compromised

It's granny smith and it's not a competition

Red and golden delicious apples are both in the negative. Those are bad apples

REPRESENTING GRANNY SMITH. STAND TALL MY GREEN QUEEN.

this is so up my alley

6 am💀

Call me Rizzo because I’m with the Pink Ladies

Let's goooooo! Best listening as I'm travelling into London for tonight's show.

Sad that my personal fave the HunnyZ didn't make it to the championship but with things as it is I'm rooting for Cosmic Crisp to take the crown

They’re calling it the least-audio-friendly podcast of all time (I haven’t listened yet I’m sure it’s not that bad)

I love when they switch up the pictures for the episode art cause it’s like a sneak peak to the chaos to come.

Honey crisp or nothing! Honestly tho, by name alone, Cosmic Crisp sounds spectacular

Pink Lady supremacy!

This is content specifically for me as a food scientist who lives in central New York

Oh hell yeah

Let’s gooo!!!!!!