D&D Court: A Mastermind and an Artist (w/ Ally Beardsley!)

i know I'm a year and a half behind, but turtles actually are a lot of work. the tank cleaning is a whole day every week lol

Justice Bear-dsley

This shit is so homophobic. Why would there be a separate hell for thick, juicy, hirsute gay men?

I can confirm that everything Murph has said about Bear Hell is Bear Canon.

Yo I need to work on myself because I know if I was in James B. shoes I would cry from the betrayal and wrongful razzing!

What I like about d&d court is that sometimes it’s just people telling juicy stories that are thinly veiled tattles. And for this episode in particular they are thinly veiled turtle tattles actually, and hey, I’m here for it

the bear hell saga is the funniest non-campaign thing to ever happen on this podcast

I can't believe they skated past "Caldwell just needed a bear-ification."

My husband is on his first listen through C1, and I was just listening with him in the car to the part where, on the boat in hell, Hardwon INSISTS on wearing the little sailor costume that is imp-sized... Which became basically a bracelet... 😄

Bear hell will go down as a top 3 moment for me on not main campaign episodes and 10 top all time for ever in my life hahaha

Twas playful surely! No need for anxiety:) they probably wouldn’t’ve posted the ep if it was genuine

I would like to put forward some existing PRECEDENT that was ruled by Murph in c3 e38, burrowing grounds. In this episode hardwon is breifly swallowed by honeysuckle, and during that time the party is worried about bronra bronzebeard using the force cage capsule on honeysuckle, at precisely 1:19:30, Murph states that "if bronra manages to use the force cage capsule, and manages to get the serpent, she will also have captured hardwon"

“You don’t want this smoke” - Brian Murphy 2025

Thank you for defending Franklin from this slander, Murph! 🐢

Proud of Murph for not knowing what vore was 🥲

I suppose (in the case of the wizard and the money stolen) the DM who could lit imagination on fire was an Artist and the wizard, well fokls, he was a Mastermind.

Balancing a fight so that it is unwinnable but doesn't feel like it's unwinnable is almost impossible.

So many of these story's come down to an idea sounding alot better in someone's head than it works out in practice.

I'm a lead abator, and Caldwell is exactly right about lead being sweet. It's one of the biggest reasons lead poisoning is like a perfect storm when it comes to children. -Toddlers are teething and their mouth hurts so they want to chew on things lessen the pain -Windowsills are almost the perfect hight for their mouths to line up with, as well as being made from a firm enough wood that chewing on it feels good -When lead paint is present the sill tast better than any chew ring or other toy you could buy them, so they continually go back to it -Childred are effected by lead between 10x-50x more severely than adults

I love how Turt Murph gets about Bear Hell 😆

Turt down for what

I see the posts before I listen to the episode. I cannot WAIT to hear Murph blow up about bear hell

The clap/slap and Jake's quiet "oh my god, he backhanded him!" during the bear hell blow up is chefs kiss

This is the brother murder guy here! Showed the pod to my DM and the other player, we got a lot of laughs out of it. It was hard because I had to plane shift to Bear Hell to see them. Anyway, looks like my DM might be filing an appeal on his sentence. May the merciful court rule fairly on his behalf.

JSYK painting turtle’s shells DOES hurt them! The shell is a crucial part of their body. They absorb vitamins through it, respirate through it, and the paint can absorb through the shell and harm the turt. Not that I think you’re actually going to paint a turtle but. Now you know. This has been a turtle public service announcement. 🐢

I love just HOW fast this gets out of hand. I <3 Beardsley

bear hell is my absolute favourite bit of all time, truly nothing makes me lose my shit harder than murph putting his whole ass into pretending he's LIVID about the most unimportant dumbass thing XDDD

Great work from justice BEARdsley

justice for “ursus christ” it did not get the reaction it deserved

So when a creature is banished everything in its belly just falls on the ground half digested?

Love any d&d court where emily is laughing straight out the intri

They missed an opportunity to say the wizard absconded to Turts and Caicos with their groups money

In ancient rome they boiled wine in lead to give it that sweet flavor and thats why they were like that

Smokey the Bear is *most definitely* from Bear Hell, even if he's not there now He knows his sins

I love how anytime Beardsley is on, murph tries to fight another table member about something absolutely useless (Flintstones, Bear Hell™️). They gotta be on more because the chaotic sibling energy between them and murph is *chefs kiss*

BEARACY

BEGGING for a naddpod playboy mansion dungeon crawl with ally

I still don’t know if Murph was getting actually heated, and it’s giving me severe anxiety 😅

Yelling about bear hell is so goddamn funny I'm crying

I keep having flashbacks to college where everyone would go to a bar called the Thirsty Turtle on Thirsty Thursdays 🐢

I had a similar thing happen to me with the brother death. Another player and I were playing brothers and as a part of the backstory we came up with my character was very protective due to an incident as kids. One session the brother player wasn't able to make it and the session started with a fireball hitting where the party was living. The DM narrated how the brother had protected a child but was knocked into a coma, at which point I rushed him to a hospital/cleric. We go about the rest of the session, assuming that when we check on him at the end he'll be healed. To my surprise, when we stop back to check on him the cleric informed us they couldn't save him and he died. Not knowing what to do, my character went silent and stormed off heartbroken. It turns out: the rest of my group had met up for a game night I couldn't make it to and the brother player, knowing he couldn't make it to next session, told the DM to just kill off his character since he was bored of playing him. Everyone assumed I knew this during the session. It worked out in the end, I described how my character went off to be a vigilante (ronin from avengers style) and we both came to the next session with new characters.

Re: The Puss in Boots character who rolled bad stats, that's why I just go with Point Buy and have since 3.5e. There always seems to be one person who can't roll a functional character to save their life

WAWA MENTIONED

Bearecy

This is my favourite flavour of Murph.

“ursus christ” was good

I haven't seen Murphy get this furious since the "bucket hat" issue

OF COURSE Beardsley plays a Mothman deck. --A fellow Mothman player

I was atheist, but no longer. For I am now a devout bearliever spreading the honeyed word of bear christ (Winnie the Pooh style no pants)

How, in all of their misadventures on the internet and bad books, did they never learn what 'vore' was before this day?

Hmmmmmmmmmmm... On one hand it's obviously more fun if the cleric can banish the dragon turtle from around them. At the same time if we're bringing biology into it, it's not like you banish the dragon turtle and all the bacteria in its gut stay behind, so we can assume usually things inside the turtle go with the turtle...

I wana go to Bear Limbo 🐻

bear hell is definitely the funniest thing I've ever heard

The wizard thief case has precedent: Apple Scrumper v. The Boobs. Stealing fake money from fake characters is ALWAYS funny

I like introducing a high level villain early for a short "unwinnable" fight, you get a small preview their stat block and when it comes time for the rematch at higher level you get to see how much stronger you've gotten now that you can stand toe to toe with this guy that stomped you before.

*smack* “oh my god he backhanded him” is fucking killing me 😂

Y'know, my dog went to bear hell and he was a scientologist

I love that we’re going to be revisiting classic Surprise Rounds with a guest, but are also getting new ones. Would love to see that happen more

I know having guests during the campaign is difficult but I would absolutely love to see Ally on!! They’re the only one of the intrepid heroes that hasn’t been able to do that but they’re the one I most want to see in a campaign

Just throwing it out there, Eldermourne had tons of unwinnable fights that totally added to the story, and Emily was totally there rolling for that Pyrric victory. Don't discount the unwinnable confrontations!

Hearing Ally say, “it sounds like it was mechanically sound.” and be 100% correct, is so funny to me since I recently relistened to some of the early Fantasy High episodes where they were pretty brand new. Totally love them!

Beardsley!

Should be a disclaimer not to banish a pregnant woman without upcasting to target the baby too

Besus died so the honey could flow away our sins.

Bear Jesus, I loved each and every time Murph flipped out at Caldwell for asking for more intel on Bear Hell. Perfect comedy.

Love the jaunty little tune that played while Caldwell read the banishment spell.

I love how Murph is genuinely upset at Caldwell's "Goku's son, Johann."

Gasoline is incredibly energy dense, can confirm if you drink it, it'll give you enough energy to last the rest of your life

The bear hell crash out bit might be the best bit in d&d court history

Please! Someone answer Emily! Do turtles shit?!

The Romans used to use lead as a sweetener. It's also why some of those old water fountains have better tasting water... lead pipes.

My dad and his friends used to suck on lead they would find around their farms. He said it was very sweet. Now he’s a maniac

I actually liked the brother murder plot hook, but it sounds like it was handled poorly. Sounds like a dark, engaging way to kick off the ranger's new story.

Jake’s “Nice!” in response to “Shabbat Shell-home” absolutely sent me

The guy who fucked off pulled a One Piece Caesar Clown

Caldwell says you don't wear your food, Id like to bring to light the Lady Gaga argument

I prefer to play Grand Theft Turtle

I haven't even listened to a single second of this but I know I will love it. All the love in the world to Ally ❤️‍🔥

this is surely one of the dungeon courts of all time

Justice Beardsley corruption lawsuit is ascending the courts as we speak

Whatever illegal or otherwise unregulated or black market energy drink Murph was on, we need more. Please drink one before every ep.

About the noise mechanic - I will say that. Thunderwave is definitely not a spell for dungeon crawling - “the spell emits a thunderous boom audible out to 300 feet.” But everything else that happened was very stupid and there is no such thing as a noise mechanic this person did not invent passive perception

Murph is right as someone who's tall with a big head it does affect me I need the baseball hats with the slide adjuster instead of the snap Adjusters

“He’s crucified in a honeycomb” I died

SHABAT SHELLHOME

I love when Justice Beardsley is here

Such a good episode! Was sad when it ended

Murph, please tell me more about bear hell! Seems pretty complex.

I don’t want to call out Ally but they had a great opportunity to say digestion begins at consumption

Some organic led compounds are sweet tasting. Some of them are used in paint. Fun fact: that’s why the best Roman Wine was sold in led vessels, they said it makes the wine sweeter.

I feel like the DM making ruling that the player is banished with the turtle is like police investigating police and saying we investigated ourselves and nothing wrong happened. Thank god this case was taken to a higher court. Clearly the players rights have been violated

I don't have anything important to contribute but comment engagement algorithm go brrrrRrrr

What about Koalas? Would they only go to hell outside of australia in places where people refer to them as "Koala bears"?

I see Bear Hell showing up in some future surprise round episodes. Also, forest fires definitely part of bear gluttony punishment.

Yesssss Beardsley lfg!!!!

and this first case highlights what is ultimately my main problem with the resolution of kung fu panda 3

Top tier episode, this will contribute to NADDPOD lore in the best way. Beardsley is them.

If you ask around I think you’ll find it’s pretty commonly accepted that the gasoline smell a lot of people 30ish and up remember enjoying isn’t the same now that there isn’t lead in gasoline!

I think. Very frankly if you’re inside something’s stomach you’re not actually seeing it, you’re not seeing anything. So the spell shouldn’t have went off. Between darkness and stomach acid you ain’t seeing ish.

Not only is Smokey the Bear destined for bear hell due to his crimes of contributing to fire suppression, if I ever see him, it’s on sight.

the last time beardsley was on, the whole flintstones thing started. im a little worried.

That BBEG deserved a BBEGG (baby turtle egg)

God I love Beardsley, the stupid grin I get whenever they're on anything I listen to

Just because a magic-user only intended to banish one crature, the spell isn't like a Star Trek transporter that can screen every atom, it surely wouldn't violently remove a tapeworm or all the helpful gut microbes that live in your stomach, I think if you're inside a giant creature that gets summoned or banished, you're along for the ride. HOWEVER, Banishment states that the target is Incapacitated, so as I see it, the caster would be transported along with the creature, they would be Incapacitated, and Concentration would immediately break, the both of them reappearing the next round.

I’m obviously looking forward to Jake’s campaign, but this month of guests and short rest insanity has been so fun. A nice palette cleanser

In Beardsley we trust

YUPPPPP BEARDSLEY!!!!! 😤🙏🏼

Justice Beardsley: The Corruption Forward Justice

Beardsley hell yea

Yessssss. Just in time for my walk!

FINALLY A BEARDSLEY EP

YES omg i was hoping it might be beardsley

Love a high initiative roll

Beardsley as a special campaign character WHEN

Great ep!

PERFECT TIMING. Just went out to my Shed for the night 🍃

Murph please share where did you get your sweater you’re wearing in the Variety video I need it

I got here right on time

Ooh, I hopped on patreon at the right time