I’ve been struggling with Mental Health for a while now

In the last two weeks, I have realized just how mentally ill I’ve been in the last 7 years. I can pinpoint my decline starting back then, after I was fired from a marketing job for not fitting in with the company. Everywhere I turned for help, I was met with unkindness and I didn’t know why.

I became recluse, starting with weekly trips to the beach for my sanity, then, over a period of about a year, I stopped leaving the apartment altogether. I stopped making YouTube videos. I tried to get work, and was unfit for the work environment so failed. Every. Single. Time.

And I did not know what was wrong. I did not know that EVERYTIME I managed to find employment, even though I was good at my job, I sucked at dealing with people. And it made feeling belonging so painful, I disintegrated.

Until 2 weeks ago. I realized HOW I can re-integrate myself. And although mentally I still struggle, I am so full of passion these days, I am doing ONLY WHAT I LOVE, I’ve realized I was never meant to be in the workforce. And now I’m good with that. I have instead been working on revising my productivity plan, and just living 100% myself, as the crazy artist that I am.

I’m proud. I am Asexual and Hypersexual Split. But I am investing in both sides of me. My Asexual side is here, my Hypersexual Persona is on OnlyFans. I am developing products over there, for women, Trans, and LGBTQ or Asexual people like me. And I’m really proud now of what I can do.

Before my realization 2 weeks ago, I struggled so bad with the prospect of what was expected of me, to be able to film, produce films, publicize myself (which I hate doing) gain a supply of patrons, to support me... but that was still wrong.

It was draining me, the expectation of being able to produce a new film every single week was eating away at my anxiety. I love playing but how can documenting my own play time cause me so much problems?

Hosting costs, software subscriptions for livestream redistribution, zuckerberg bans, YouTube profanities, community guideline strikes, tortuous thirsty commenters always hungry for more - yet - it does nothing to help me survive independently - I have no income, I can’t even find the means pay rent ... I struggled with the responsibility so bad that I was obscured and distracted from my own personal goal - to just GET HEALTHY AGAIN and enjoy living.

Well, now I have realized my place in society, and even though money is dire at the moment and I am literally living off my Patreon money, (I have received no benefits or help from income support or government, my unemployment got screwed up because I was in Austria for two years prior to the pandemic).

My art outlet here on Patreon is becoming clearer - the joy of living! And my very own business is developing - not Patreon - I think Patreon will always be an vLogging outlet for me. But OnlyFans and the thirsty bunch over there are helping me seed fund my business idea.

I am now saving up the cashflow I need to get my product PATENTED, and new brand TRADEMARKED. I won’t be posting the detailed development of my project here - as it’s off topic and a little explicit for my intimate exploration of hyper sexual manic me. In some ways, my mental and physical eviceration as I was growing up, gave me the gift of my manic hypersexual persona, who has enough passion to launch this business idea into orbit!

Thank you patrons! For everything, the focus on living my life to the full is here. Thank you for everything you have given me and enabled me to explore.