I’m back on Schedule

Once again, here is the LINK to my calendar of shooting, where within 48 hours I usually post a video.

Even while I was sick I took the time to edit a 25 minute extended chillout mix of me swimming. I still am shocked that I create half an hour of content a week on top of my usual business schedule - on top of my mental health recovery.

But the swimming, and the private forum of Patreon has helped me to regain my power of healing IMMENSLY. Thanks to you, my valued Patrons, I feel intensely focused on bettering myself and seeing progress. And that has pulled my mental health forwards out of a deep rutt.

I suffered a broken heart. And I think I’m now healed. I’m reunited with digital family here and other issues in real life (I will dedicate a post to that). And I have managed to overcome the excessive overthinking about my former relationship.

I’m finally over him. I know you all want to be hearing me say positive stuff and move forwards... but I have never suffered a broken heart like this. It’s the worst thing to heal from. It literally burned my brain out. Do I ever want to fall in love again? Maybe, but never as fast as that again. Which means maybe I learned a lesson. Love is not at first sight. Love takes time to grow and understand each other. Otherwise you’re setting yourself up for terrible disappointment.

I fell in love too soon. And overcoming how I got into that mess, and the future fantasy I thought I’d lost... was a Bain of Sadness inside that would never go away.

But, now I understand myself better. And I know not to let myself fall in love again, not for a while at least. Loving someone should never hurt that much - ever.