Here is a music artist ENA, who wrote this song
I‘m honored that she wanted to use my visuals (from 4-5years ago) so I thought I’d share her hard work here.
You can click through the video and see the video information on the rest of her work. I don’t know what I feel in the moment - it’s my disability called Alexithymia. But one thing I do know - playing underwater feels really really good! Like, I can’t describe 🤣
Now, my dream has come true I can play every day! And it’s healing me. My skin is slowly healing, my nerves are less ragged, my feelings feel... nicer. And I’m starting to feel like, as though I’m falling in love again.
I can’t really explain it. Have you ever had a feeling of falling so deeply, madly in love with someone, that you lost yourself? Well, I did that. And I lost myself. It was so bad I broke my brain, my heart, and cracked open my soul.
I realized, he was Mr. Wrong. Unfortunately those incredible highs were fleeting but I chased them hard. The more I craved those high moments, the more he strung me out on another delusional fantasy wait, and I accepted the punishment. The fleeting rewards of being with him for less and less a moment, turned him into my heroin.
The turmoil of living in limbo in the lowest low, waiting for one embrace, lest of all kiss, nor even making love like we had few and fewer times before, sank me into the unreality of dissonant living.
I lived, for two years, with only the hope of pleasure, but not the pleasure itself. And that was the biggest emotional heartbreak I’ve ever endured. Those fleeting highs, that baited me in, was what kept me with him. Those highs were so high, I thought it was love. But 99% of the time it was torture. I never want to experience that again.
For now something has comeback. I don’t know what it is. It feels like that high I first felt of being „in love“ but I’m not sure, because it’s not that strong. It’s not even fleeting - it’s there constantly. Sometimes it’s an undercurrent, sometimes it’s expressive and I just start dancing again. But that feeling is back. Is it just, that I’m falling in love again?
Thank you for listening, the song Ena wrote feels like this.