Infidelity - would you want to be told?

Monogamy seems pretty un-natural for most people. Certainly the human gene pool suffers from it. I told my sweetheart from the beginning I did not want to be sexually owned and if I did ever do anything (unlikely as it may be) it was a private matter for me and who'm ever it may be with. She said she felt the same way. So this was never even an issue. I have a biologist buddy who works in medical research. Many years ago she laughingly said "If women bore children to a few more men in their life, the human race would be in a much better place". It sort of changed my mind on the whole subject. This is only a question because we've been taught to be more jealous and possessive than we naturally are.

I'd want them to tell me. Cause I'd want us to be able to talk about such things and not keep them a secret where it will potentially fester and grow into something worse. Besides, maybe they had this affair because they're unhappy in our relationship. That would be even more reason to talk about it. As for myself if the roles were reversed, I would definitely tell them. If not right away then at least soon after. It wouldn't matter if I never met the person I had the affair with again or if no one else would ever learn about it. I would know, and the knowledge and shame would weigh heavily on me.

I agree, be honest from the start! If the relationship is weak enough that it can be broken up by a third party, then maybe it's not meant to be eternal? Maybe we've been fooled into believing relationships must be endless? From my experience, the ramifications of a break-up can be tough, but happier moments are always in store in future :-). It doesn't help if we think of our partners as posessions, and my partner is always free to do whatever she wants. She can tell me - or not, but I trust that she will simply because I'm not a very jealous type. Perhaps an open relationship has the most chance of reaching eternity???

Have you ever read Henrik Ibsen's play "The Wild Duck"? It is about keeping secrets in a marriage, and when the truth comes out, it doesn't set the family free from a lie. It destroys them.