Chapter 24: Inn Other Words

Her sigh was not muffled by the wattle and daub walls of the room. The mud layer was thick and it retained the heat of the inn beautifully, but it had been rendered for aesthetics and did little to soften any noise. Laura was frustrated. Erica had been moping around the Boar’s Head for the last three days, and whilst the knight had tried to use this time to bond with the elf and give her something to think about apart from Mathew, the girl had been sulking the entire time and her every conversation seemed to come back to the man. Every sentence seemed to begin and end with his name and Laura didn’t know what to do.

It wasn’t that she thought that Erica shouldn’t want to be with Mathew, just that the elf wasn’t thinking straight.

ELVES! She thought to herself as she flopped onto the bed in their room. She knew part of it was racial; elves were naturally more passionate than other races, but after watching Erica throw herself at Mathew in the market again, Laura just couldn’t stand the lovesick 19-year-old any longer. Hence why she took Asha to investigate caravans leaving the city; she just needed a break from the soppy moping. Well, that and she needed to get a read on the other twin.

“Master has been… troubled.” Asha had confessed. “I’ve been trying to comfort him but he carries a lot of guilt over everything he has done. When I’m awake, at night, sometimes I wonder if… maybe he regrets saving us?”

Laura shut down that train of thought fast. “Listen, he might have grown up in a world without knights or magic, but that man is the clearest example of a knight I have seen. Period. Full stop. If he had the opportunity to do everything again, I’d wager that he’d do it the same thing a hundred times over.”

“But he’s not sleeping. At least, he’s not resting. Any time his eyes close he’s convulsing with nightmares. You saw him; he’s not well.”

Laura took a slow breath as she scanned the crowd for threats, but found only townsfolk working tirelessly in the morning light. “I know. But you need to understand that this is the cost of his life, my life. We help people. We ease their burdens, sometimes that means the burdens are gone, other times we just take them away and carry them ourselves.”

The knight saw the look of comprehension on the young elf’s face as she understood. Laura had recognised days ago that, despite being physically identical, Asha was the more emotionally mature of the two elves.

“You seem to understand him better,” the elf surmised. “It’s a shame you two have been apart. You could have supported each other through it.”

Laura didn’t know what to feel about that. She had periodically been dealing with her own demons for the last three days, in between trying to talk sense into a sulking elf. She was well-used to compartmentalising her emotions and sorting through them appropriately, but it would have been nice to have someone else who understood what she was going through.

“He said the same thing about you, you know.” Asha added. “That you were exactly what a knight should be.”

Laura didn’t know what to do with that either.

She carefully probed Asha for information about whether Mathew had been true to his word about being a gentleman. She didn’t really want to hear about his sex life, but at the same time she still felt like she had to keep Mathew honest. However, Asha’s response didn’t make her feel any better.

“He hasn’t even looked like he wanted to touch me,” Asha mumbled. “I know he used to… but now I’m not so sure. Sometimes, it’s like I’m not even there.”

That set off some alarm bells for Laura; there was something wrong about a man sharing a room with a nubile beauty like Asha and not even showing an interest in her. Nubile beauty? Did she really consider them that? Laura had to admit to herself that was what the girls were. Any man, and some women, would give their right arm to sleep a night next to Asha or Erica. And Asha was saying Mathew didn’t seem to even register she was there?

Laura considered what that meant. She wanted Mathew to be healthy, and his lack of attraction to Asha was a sign he wasn’t. She’d seen men’s libidos drop after harrowing missions, sometimes they went into severe low moods and even the camp women couldn’t get a rise out of them. So, she wanted him to have those feelings… but at the same time she didn’t want him to act on them? It wasn’t a logical train of thought, and she knew it. The knight knew why she hated slavery and indebted servitude, but why was she so determined that he not sleep with the twins?

She’d seen camp women servicing men before. She’d made it clear to her fellow knights, often violently, that it wasn’t a role she was interested in. But she didn’t begrudge other women making a different choice, nor even the men for employing their services.

However, somehow, the thought of Mathew with the twins still irked her and she couldn’t place her finger on why.

After the four met up in the market again to discuss their next steps, the knight reminded Asha to keep her spirits up and stay the course. Despite appearances, what she was doing was helping. Mathew would appreciate it in time, but Laura reminded the elf that trauma had a way of blinding people to the outside world.

As for Erica, she was in better spirits after their outing to the market. Her ‘date’ with Mathew had given them time to be together and it was far more healthy than the pining that she had been doing for the last 72 hours.

To Laura, it had felt like 72 years.

“I can’t wait to be on the road tomorrow!” sighed Erica as she lay down on her own bed. Laura rolled her eyes, knowing exactly what she meant, but Erica caught the expression and groaned.

“YEAH YEAH I KNOW. Slavery bad. Rushing into sex wrong. Master should respect us. We shouldn’t degrade ourselves to property. You’ve certainly harped on about it enough! Move on! We know what we’re doing. Why can’t you accept that?”

Laura stared at the ceiling, wondering where to begin. She didn’t know what to say about some of it. She couldn’t explain how she felt. But as for the indebted servitude, well, it made sense to just tell the truth. There was no point hiding it.

“My mother was an indebted servant.”

Erica sat bolt upright. “WHAT?” Laura would have laughed at her surprise if the memory didn’t bring her so much pain. “Why didn’t you tell us?” the elf demanded.

“It wasn’t relevant before and we’ve only known each other for a week, Erica. And it’s been a very busy week, there just hasn’t been time.”

The young elf seemed to accept this, but Laura could see that she was going to want the full story now that she knew there was one. The knight took a breath.

“My mother was given to my father as a payment for a life debt,” Laura explained. “Not exactly like Grixoninian law, but similar enough. He was a good person once. My father was regarded as an upstanding young man, a trustworthy man. When my grandfather—my mother’s father—was caught in a flood after a river burst its banks, my father risked his own life to save him.”

Erica was hanging on her every word. “And…?”

“And my grandfather gave him my mother’s hand as a slave-wife. My mother welcomed it. She felt so much gratitude to my father that she fell in love with him, wanted to serve him. Wanted nothing but to be by his side forever. He was the son of a prince, destined to rule his own principality and he was well-loved by the people.”

“You’re going to tell me that changed, aren’t you?”

“Yeah…” Laura confirmed sadly. “My father took two more wives in different circumstances. But over time he became callous, entitled. Once he became the Prince, he lost touch with the community and he… he would get angry and his wives and children would bear the brunt of that. But the worst part was that he was preparing to marry his children off… marry me off to other powerful men to secure allegiances and political power. And because my mother was a slave, she had no say in the matter.”

The knight continued as Erica seemed fixed in place, staring at her. “When my mother learned of this, she secreted me away to a young mage who spent a lot of time in my father’s court. I was only six years old. The wizard took me to the Isle of St. Stephan, where the anti-slavery laws are very strict. The mages don’t like slavery and, by law, all slaves are freed upon setting foot on the Isle, so he knew I would be safe from my father. That wizard was Magus Renoir, my mentor. He raised me until I was old enough to join the Iron Shield and he was the one who I was searching for when I discovered Mathew.”

Erica’s eyes were full of tears. “I… I didn’t know.” She took a breath as if she was afraid to ask. “What happened to your mother?”

Laura avoided her gaze, looking up, her own eyes welling with the memory and trying to prevent the tears from spilling out again. The heavy support beams and wooden floorboards of the room above gave little comfort to the images flooding back to her.

“I looked for her when I came of age. My Father had killed her in a rage when he learned what she had done. He hung her upside down from a tower of his keep until she died and then just left her there for the ravens.”

Erica gasped and covered her mouth. “I’m so sorry. I…”

She crossed the room to Laura’s bed and wrapped her arms around her. Laura was surprised; the elf was warm and smelled of flower pollen and, as she felt the dam burst and her tears fall, Erica cradled her head and gently stroked her long blonde hair. The hardened knight was not used to such tenderness. The girls in the Order had been trained to be stoic and emotionally restrained, not unfeeling, but certainly not warm and caring. Erica, by contrast, seemed genuinely distraught that Laura had endured this. She seemed to genuinely care, but how? They’d known each other a little over a week, but here she was anyway, hugging her and holding her.

Eventually, after the tears had stopped and Laura had wiped her eyes, Erica spoke quietly.

“I can’t imagine what it would have been like for you as a child. But, surely you know Mathew would never do such a thing?”

Laura raised an eyebrow at her, eyes still red and now full of passion. “How do you know? My Father was the best man in the Principality! Everyone said it! Until he wasn’t. Power corrupts people, Erica, and Mathew has the power of a god at his beck and call.”

She noticed Erica slump down in defeat. The knight wondered if she’d been too hard on the young elf. Even with her history, Laura knew it wasn’t truly the same. Bambinae would surely revoke the power Mathew had if he abused it. She had to make it right. This wasn’t the same as her father, but at the same time, it wasn’t different enough. What was she trying to say? What was the point she was making? Finally, she realised what was niggling at her.

“Look, Erica, Mathew is a good guy. Everything he’s done has been in the service of others and at huge cost to himself. He’s as good a man as any woman could hope to find. I’m just saying it’s unwise to enter into a relationship with ANYONE when there’s an imbalance of power.”

For the first time, something seemed to click in the elf’s head. Erica returned to her bed and flopped back down, staring at the ceiling again. She seemed to mull it over far more seriously than before, and so, Laura gave her time to think. But she couldn’t stay silent for long; she had to strike while the iron was hot.

“Here… what about this? Mathew is 40 years old. Right? We’re not talking about a boy here; he’s a mature man. He won’t be looking for a whirlwind romance or a seasonal fling. This man’s only other relationship was with a single woman and it lasted, what, 20 years?”

Erica agreed.

“And you want your relationship to work out, right? So maybe listen to the man who has 20 years’ experience in this area?”

Erica’s tone was full of confusion. “So, just let him tell me when we can be a real couple? Isn’t that just handing him more power over me?”

“No…” replied the knight, but Laura had to admit, it sounded like that. “It’s respecting his boundaries and his life experience that has shaped them. You’re not doing either at the moment.”

Erica lifted her head off her pillow, then sat up completely. Realisation dawning over her face. “I’m not, am I?” she pondered. “I’m being selfish aren’t I?”

Finally!

“Yeah, and a bit childish, if we’re being honest. Mathew’s being kind, and he’s giving you the benefit of the doubt, but if you want to attract him long-term, you’re going to need to be a bit more mature yourself. Or else he’ll just see you as a silly girl. You won’t command his respect.”

Erica stared thoughtfully across the room. “Like you!” She exclaimed. “He respects you and you two get along so well! And you’ve…”

Laura cut her off. “I am NOT trying to seduce Mathew.”

The elf waved her off. “No, I know, but he likes spending time with you and wants you around because you are mature and smart and courageous. You understand him better.” A determined look came across her face.

Laura, on the other hand, was trying to get over Erica’s previous claim.

“You think he likes spending time with me?” She whispered, quietly and somewhat confused. She hadn’t been the nicest person to Mathew. She’d treated him quite harshly. But Erica nodded, doubling down.

“You challenge him. I can tell he values that. He likes that you have a level head and he smiles when you speak. I can tell he enjoys talking with you… If I want my relationship with Master to be successful, I have to show him I can be like you.”

Laura was not happy with the way that the conversation had turned. “Don’t use me as a role model for relationships!” she blurted out, before realising that she had been essentially telling Erica to do just that for the last three days.

“But you have a great relationship with Master; he trusts you!”

Laura had to agree that was partly true, and she trusted him in return. It was strange after so short a time that they seemed to work so well together. Still, she knew that trauma created bonds between people, for better or worse, and it seemed that she could rely on Mathew to do what was best for her, the twins and even society as a whole. But Erica’s claim that he smiled when she spoke… that made her feel good in a way she hadn’t felt before. It was strange. His opinion meant a lot to her, and she couldn’t understand why.

Laura noticed the young elf felt like she scored a point in their little back and forth, and decided to let her have it.

“Ok… Ok… You might be right. Mathew and I trust each other. And we are friendly, maybe we’ll even become friends too. But… I don’t know… I’m just worried that you’ll get hurt. You’re young and he’s not, despite looking it. And I’m just worried you’re not taking the situation seriously or…”

Laura trailed off, not knowing what to say. Eventually, she just put her head in her hands and rubbed her eyes. “I don’t know what I’m trying to say. Just be careful, okay?”

Erica smiled and lay her head back on her pillow. “I’ll be smarter about it. He doesn’t want to rush. I need to respect that if I want him to take me seriously. That makes sense. Thanks Laura. You’re a good friend.”

Laura sat back on her bed and joined Erica in gazing up at nothing. She was used to being called competent, useful, brave. But never a good friend. She’d had mentors, comrades, colleagues. But never people who considered her a friend. It was nice.

And, right on cue, the tears started again.