MY STORY: WHY I STOPPED SEEING FANS / CLIENTS IN 2017

I didn't want to quit working, but I accepted an offer of a house for the anniversary of my transition start date. i was also offered surgeries that were paid for that there was nothing asked of me. Please don't get me wrong. i highly appreciate everything that's been done for me. but i still have needs and wants.  I started transitioning with hormones on June 16th or 17th of 2012. I don't remember. But the house was paid for and signed for (all done on the same date, but in 2017)...and i was told that it was a gift for my, "birthday". i guess i took that too seriously. i'm sorry. it was never my intention to use you if that's how things came across. i kept jumping through the hoops that you told me to do and then you would put the house in my name.do this and then i'll put that house in your name, do that and then i'll put that house in your name. years have gone by and i have given up after recently fighting the issue of selling the home to pay for another chance at reconstructive surgery so that i can be functional. i just honestly believed you, and i trusted you and that you wanted me to have a better life. i didn't know what you were thinking, and i still don't. i guess i don't know what the i was thinking either. i don't mean that in a bad way. i just give up. you made me think that what i was doing was wrong...but it honestly wasn't. you drove me away from a passion and meaning...even if it was shallow. i need that in my life.  i enjoyed my job. i kept my part of the deal and stopped anything to do with meeting people or adult stuff for the house. He didn't want me to do that stuff. I liked the work that i did. I didn't know or understand what I was getting myself into. I am letting it go. I'm really sorry that this became such a point of contention between us. I just ask for a chance to try doing my own thing again. I want a chance to rebuild my life and get my independence back.  I want to see if people are still interested in meeting / experiences with me. I want experiences for myself. I have withheld for long enough. I nearly died because of the instability and mental turmoil due to insecurity and not getting the medical / surgical help that I needed. I place blame, but I place it on myself as well.   I don't hate you. I'm just letting it go. I don't care about the house anymore. I'm not going anywhere unless you want me gone. You already know that i've told you many times before..."Whenever you are tired of me, just let me know...I will say, "thank you Lee, i really appreciate all that you've done for me & i won't fight you... & i will just leave"".  I'm getting back to seeing Fans / Clients, finding more support, making an income with the help of myself and hopefully people that want to spend time with me. it took getting a credit notification from experian that my credit is at 98% used with tens of thousands of dollars of debt used for me to have a wake up call. i was under the impression that things were being taken care of. then i am blamed for bleeding you dry when i am overdrafting my account or maybe have $30 and am too ashamed to ask for a deposit. yeah, it goes to a habit, but i really started questioning things and felt like shit when i could be given money for a bad habit, but not fixed in a surgery. it just has made me realize that i'm in an extremely bad situation and i feel like i have been left in the dark. Of course i'm to blame for this mess, but i don't make the payments on the cards. i wish i would have been told. I could have tried harder to have less wants and needs. i have no income. i was pulled away from that. i have told you many times over that i just want to work and not be a burden to you. i see that it's severely affecting my life. i feel like if i wouldn't have gotten that notification i would not have had a wake up call to take action. i realize now that nobody is going to save me. nobody is going to be there when my life depends on it. nobody is going to pay for my surgery. If i fail then i will give up on the issue of what i want with my job and sexual desires. I will give up once i get the confirmation that nobody wants me, and that I'm not worth it. i'm not married. sadly, i'm really not in a relationship either.  I'm sure that you hope that day comes...when i fail. it feels like it. i feel like i have probably upset you with just wanting to try to do what i want and recover my life.   You promised me security. You also promised my mom that I would be set for life. That's what my mom told me. She wouldn't lie to me. I don't care about your money. We used to be really good friends. I hope that we can get back to that point. I'm willing. I'm letting it go. I don't hate you, it's ok. but i'm going back into what i used to do. I realize now that i'm WAY WAY WAY more important than i have believed for far too long now.

MY STORY: WHY I STOPPED SEEING FANS / CLIENTS IN 2017 (YouTube)