Anxiety and Loathing on Los Vagabondos.. Ep.216

Hey Elayna- I think reality set in huh? Life is hard and yours is more challenging then most but your doin great! 🙂 do you talk to other young moms when you can? It helps. Lenny is a ham!

Don't sell yourself short, Elayna. YOU DO have your act together ... but self doubt and anxiety are real. It's good that you can talk about it. I hope that you continue to do what's best for you and your family. Your LaVagabond community stands behind you and will support you however we can. Many of us will see you in a few weeks at the Annap[olis Boat Show event.

Stay strong Mama!!

Elayna Thank you for your vulnerability and hormones are such an issue with us momma's. I coach my community on gut healing and 90% of your happy hormones live in your gut. Only 10% live in the brain. I, like you were holistic eater and lived a natural life as much as possible and I too needed to shift my gut biome to more good bacteria and less bad bacteria. I'm into 1.5 yr of shifting this and its a game changer. I tried so much in the past....I found and am learning more and more each day its a combination of blood sugar and good gut biome. I didn't have anxiety like you but other issues and my challenges could not be controlled by will.....I found its biology. And I did not have to change the way I ate. I have friends who coached me that experienced extreme anxiety and they are my mentors. Look into this. You and Riley are good researchers. And I am here to chat anytime. to share my knowledge and what I did.....You have my personal email. So appreciate you both and you are doing an amazing job raising Lenny, staying connect to each other and also to your own selves and growth. You two are an Inspiration!! I never miss an episode. Ordering my sarong for pickup. Boys are getting their stuff too. Thank you so much. Much Love and Light and Blessings.

Elayna you have just had a baby. Your hormones will be all over the place for potentially months. Go and get some support from a local doctor. There are things you can do to help. You haven’t lost your spark or courage- it’s just hiding behind a cloud!

Dear Elayna, i know exactly how you feel . I sailed through the arctic and many many times i fehlt cold and uncomfortable until i sah the northern lights the first time. I was astonished. All the bad feelings make the good possible. I am sure with a child you are torn between freedom and responsibility. But you are doing great. I just emigrated from germany and it will be a new adventure even at mid age. Life is about the way and the challenges. I absolut support you. Greetings from Zürich

Big love to you all! It may be worth taking a 3 month break? Us fans will understand, we care about your mental health and well-being. Don’t burn out! If you want a recommendation for someone to talk to, I know an Australian counsellor who does Skype appointments. She’s part of homebirth/birth trauma circles, is attachment parenting friendly, alternative/wholistic in her approach, and she has travelled with her own kids as well, so lots in common with you. She’s brilliant. Happy to pass on her name and email if you want it x

Dear Elayna, I have been following you since episode one and I was moved to write to you based on this episode. I don't know whether you will find the time to read the outpouring of support you will inevitably receive - simply add this to the pile! One - Huge HUGS. Two - Breathe. Three - Look after yourself. Finally - everything changes when you have a child and when you are that busy you might not notice how disorientating it is. You are amazing as you are in all your facets, The three of you make an amazing family - not because of what you portray on social media but because we (your public) can see beyond the perfect and see the people behind the camera. Hope you moments of doubt become fewer. Hugs Jan

My guess is that when the chips are down, you will perform as you always did, it's just that when they are not, you work hard to avoid getting to that position. Eg. You have probably had your nickels rapped by a drone before and so you would rather avoid it if possible ...but you managed it as Lenny was being looked after. Remember you are super mum to your little one no matter how you feel about yourself. We love you all, or we would not be here for you.

The 3 of you just make my day...Always. I remember when I became a father, there were suddenly things that I used to do and watch that I became unable to do and watch. For example, children's Hospital suddenly it became far more real and I could no longer watch the amazing medical staff as I was associating with the parents. I used to go offshore sailing and stay up all night on a passage. This stopped after I fell asleep on the way home .. in a car...at traffic lights thank goodness. So as you get older, you dont get soft, you get educated through experiences and make different decisions.

Hey Elayna! I too have suffered massively from anxiety in the last year or so, it really does suck, particularly when it makes you feel like you've lost your 'spark'. BUT you most definitely are brave! In my opinion, bravery isn't doing things without fear, but feeling the fear and doing it anyway, which is exactly what you do every single day! What really helps me is acknowledging the fear/anxiety and then tell myself not to let it control me. There will always be good days and bad days, but I do think the good days make it all worth it in the end xx

Great video and wonderful you can open up like that. Self awareness is the key I'm sure to managing life. And to be honest, if you weren't going through some of these emotions, it would be highly unusual! So I think that you can count yourself normal and hopefully move forward in the comfort that you now have so many people willing you on. Lots of love to you, Lenny and Riley from all your Patrons! xx

1. Might be a bit sleep deprived atm. 2. Bahamas is trickier than most places.

Elayna, Thank you for all your hardwork. You and your family have had a positive impact on my life. You need to put yourself first. If that is sailing, sail. If not, don't. It seems you have already accomplished a lifetime of work in such a short time.

I’m safe ( living in a beautiful flat in central London only a few worries) and often I’m wondering am I really LIVING! Thank you so much for showing this side of yourself it’s a very brave and thank you for challenging your own boundaries it’s an inspiration to me so thanks from the bottom of my heart for pushing your boundaries and just keeping going haha...Much Love ❤️

Aw Elayna…I too struggle with anxiety and I know how hard it can be. Though people might never guess, it’s a struggle every moment not to be afraid and not to let my fear rule my life. I admire you so much for what you are doing (and I cant imagine how being a mom would open your heart and make it more challenging too.) I have often thought I would never be able to do it as my fears would get the best of me. And sometimes fear can be good! A good reminder to slow down and not take unnecessary risks. But life is dangerous everywhere-on land, in a car, in an apartment, or a boat, so its best to not let it control you. (But remember-there is no bravery without fear - being afraid doesn’t make you less brave, fear is actually the pre-condition of bravery. So you are brave!! You are brave just for living the life you do!!) Not sleeping enough makes the anxiety worse as well, so cut yourself some slack. Please don’t feel like you need to make so many videos for us that its messing with your mental health and happiness!! We can wait, we can have less videos/week (I am always surprised at how many you turn out so quickly even compared to on-land youtubers!) Have you considered maybe booking a couple sessions of online therapy? I used better help when I was in a situation where I was traveling around in a van alone with my boyfriend at the time and needed someone else to talk to. It can be really cathartic to take care of yourself in that way and just process any left over trauma with someone. I have also found that EFT tapping, acupuncture, and Pharma Gabba supplements have helped my body learn to let go of any trauma it’s holding on to. (I had to re-learn how to calm my nervous system down after being thrown off a horse and breaking my spine (in Margaret River, WA actually 😂) and these methods helped more than I was expecting them to. Maybe take a break, have a vacation on land, see some family and friends…it may be nice to have a change of scene. Take care of yourselves we will still be here when you get back ❤️❤️❤️ sending so much love. We appreciate all you two do and the honesty with which you share it. Focus on whats important—each-other, and everything else will fall into place. (Also if you ever need a break or a little help on board with Lenny etc I would come nanny for you in a heartbeat! I cant imagine how challenging it is to not have any help or break, just being the two of you on board with Lenny. Shoot me a message if you ever want to see a resume. I study film, nanny, am proficient in Premiere Pro, and speak Spanish and French so I could double as a translator and editor too haha) Take care of yourselves guys x

Videos like these, with your most honest selves presented first and foremost, are the reason I became a patron. Don’t get me wrong, I love the adventure and the wonder of your videos. However, resilience, bravery, and strength come in many forms. Elayna, Riley, and Lennon, you are all a very fine example of just that. You guys are without a doubt the brightest, strongest, most explosive stars in each other’s universe, and that is something you will have in every walk of life. Take things as they come. Walk on land when you need grounding. Go free diving in the deep dark blue when you can’t be contained. And breath fresh air wherever you are. I’m grateful to learn from your wisdom, and vulnerability. Thanks for sharing! Sending love from the Adirondack Mountains! Be well.

you are the bravest of all for sharing, I can't tell you how normal it made me feel to see you at your most vulnerable <3 much love and appreciation

Ditto! There's a lot going on, and life constantly changes, risk is always present, fear is something we all have to overcome. You guy's may need to take a break from all this social media stuff. It/we will be here when it's time to come back. U3 are the 1st most important, love isn't love if it's not tested somehow. SLV, isn't you guy's, it's a small part of you guy's and us. Be yourself, follow your instincts/dreams, and know we care, the evidence is above. Big hugs, now smile. :)

Seems pretty brave to open your soul to strangers. From here I think you got this. However I've never walked in your flip flops. Hang in there, this to shall pass.🍻

Thank you. Great episode. Hang tight.

Courage is not the absence of fear... it's living with fear present, looking it straight in the face and doing it anyway. You are so brave and have so much courage even if it doesn't always feel like it. Thank you for being vulnerable, for living your dream, and working your ass(es) off to take us along for the journey. We love you so!!

Much Love & Blessings. Phil & Margo from Binghamton, New York

We are excited about meeting you in Annapolis and are bringing our God kids so they can meet Lenny!!

You guys are great no matter what goes on!! Wear all have our moments! Please know you are loved and in our prayers.

This is the only time I have scrolled through all of the comments and after doing so I'd like to say that you have a wonderful community following you. You can just feel the love and support. Keep in mind you pulled all of these people together. I guess birds of a feather flock together.

Really appreciated the vulnerability of this post. I haven't been officially diagnosed with PTSD but I'm pretty sure I have it. My life is one long trauma after another. I wish you both the best and whatever healing you need. I will say the sooner the better.

shoot another typo ifs.therapist.pb@gmail it said "therapati" and that was wrong. Sorry,, typing all this fast I guess. When I saw the video earlier in the week I had a full schedule and knew i would not be able to get back to it until today. You both have been on my mind. Blessings, Patti

sorry typo "part of the brain" -- not "part of the part" -- oh and also Patti Bee email: ifs.therapati.pb@gmail

Dear Elayna & Riley, I am a licensed mental health professional in the states. The things you are describing Elayna, sound more like traumatic stress which is very different that just "silly fear." If it is indeed traumatic stress (sorry not allowed to diagnose someone that is not my client) then it is a nervous system hi-jack that is happening and has nothing to do with "facing your fear." Being pushed to face this type of fear can actually just deepen the damage. Riley, I do not at all mean to call you out on anything or be critical. I see you were trying to help. It is a common thing for family members to want to do. My intention is to help you both find the proper information on the differences between regular fear (fear we can face and overcome) which is more about everyday challenges, and then to know when it is Traumatic Stress which is not happening in the part of the part that can think properly and solve a problem (like wanting to just face a fear or "get back on the horse"). Traumatic stress or PTSD, is when the brain keeps interpreting everyday challenges as if it is still experiencing the traumatic thing that had the brain get stuck in the trauma response. That's a nervous system hi-jack. It can be corrected but it can also be made worse with improper attempts to remedy it. Here is a book recommendation that will explain this much more in depth. "The Body Keeps the Score", by Bessel van der Kolk, which is a book on Audible. He is a world renown, leading edge authority on traumatic stress, what causes it, the symptom, and how to heal it. I hope the best for you to become educated on this so you can properly treat it and then you will know what the effective methods are that can help you to rewire the deep sub-cortical brain. I too have had PTSD (post traumatic stress) and I use Brainspotting, and Internal Family System Therapy, which is inner parts therapy. Blessing you with your best health, for both of you, and hoping this will help. You can also email if you would like some free consulting to help you find the proper practitioner where you are. Much Love & Light, Patti Bee, M.S., LPC, NCC -- and after all this big letters -- just me, Patti

Elayna what you are exclaiming is the trials and tribulations of being a new mom God has introduced you to the strength deep inside you , a woman,

Like so many of your supporters here, Elayna I think you are incredibly brave, talented and work extremely hard. Don't push yourself so hard, it's ok to slow down, take a break or change the plan. You don't have to prove anything to anyone anymore.

Thank you for sharing Elayna, and Riley. Cumulative stress on top of lack of sleep might be resulting in adrenal fatigue. There are good herbs and remedies for that you might want to try. Spa day, spa week!, a break from posting... a nanny, grandparent respite care, vacation on land! Change of lifestyle.... you deserve it. Take care of yourself! Love, Julie B

Yes. Omg get a nanny for a while. Every parent needs a break. You all don’t get any. Also pull in to port and spring for a day spa. I think I speak for all of us when I say that no one is going to get mad if you don’t upload every week. And getting help is also a sign of bravery 😘

When I became a new mom all these fears I never knew I had were all of a sudden just everywhere. Some were right and some irrational- but when you all of a sudden have a baby to look after everything changes. It’s not about being brave or adventure seeking. It’s about getting older and having to make someone other than yourself your priority. This will pass I promise you. Don’t be so hard on yourself either. You’re a new young mom living on a sailboat- I can’t imagine honestly. It’s so normal to feel the way you’re feeling. I hope you can feel the love from me and all your other patrons - be as raw as you’d like. All parents know how difficult it is to have a new baby and we all applaud you both for being so real and beautiful souls. Being parents -being a mom IS the bravest thing any woman can do. Hugs to you and your lovely family. Please know it’s so ok to be exactly who you are - and from where I sit - that is one of the bravest women I’ve ever known. 🤗❤️🌴🐬

It takes a lot of strength to open up as you did Elayna. Also, you three are not exactly marina hopping. Being out there in bays that can quickly become exposed generates a background stress level over time, and more often than not it is just you and your family and no one else for miles. Then there is the sailing, then there is having Lenny and being responsible for him. That is a big change in your life. We are at the other end of the scale and we can very much relate to, the older we get, the lower our ability to cope with 'situations'. We humans are not invincible - much as we would like to think we are. You have a lot to cope with out there. A house is safe and doesn't move. Living on a boat can turn from idyllic to uncomfortable, to dangerous in minutes with a wind shift. As I said at the beginning, that background level of awareness and stress must build up at times, and working hard, being tired, does not help. You are doing OK Elayna - very OK, amazingly OK. What you three are doing, the vast majority of people could not comprehend, let alone make a success of. Just remember that, and also remember that you inspire tens of thousands. Opening up as you have, adds encouragement to that inspiration - you are human, and in spite of the fears and anxiety, you are out there. Thank you for sharing with us - thank you. "You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have"

I am not a psychologist or anything.... Just an osteopath.... Which happened to have dealt with a lot of crazy situations ( on land and at sea) and I think what you are feeling now is simply..... Growing up.... ( I am the same age ish as you so I am not judging at all! Just saying) Which means that we become more and more aware of the risks and responsibility.... You are now a mother and you therefore think 3 times instead of no times before you do anything... I am sure Riley feels the same or felt the same at your age.. Leaving in such a tight mobile sometimes very unsafe place is totally normal that it stresses you.... You are definitely not a woss because of that... NOW... The fact that you open up is brace in itself.... And i am sure you will have many good professional advise here or will be able to find some.... No shame at all in using Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or any other alternative way for you to feel better. FibLly I think the fact that you are going to have done people on board will surely help you.... It's been a while since we saw people.... And faaarrrr too long since Meg was online hehe ... Wishing you all the best from corsica this time.... Where I know you guys have been! I am there on holidays and dreamt I saw la vaga in bonifacio... But it wasn't you hehe! All the best!

Relatively new relationship with a new baby and traveling. And there are stressful times. That was us 30 plus years ago. We had a newborn 10 months after marriage and I was flying off for the Air Force for weeks at a time leaving my new wife to fend for herself and our child. Add in some serious liquor nights while home and it added up to some bad times! For me, to save my new marriage the liquor had to go. And it did. And we have had a wonderful life together for 35 years now! So Riley, we’ve seen the drinking from the rum bottle. I hope and pray you can handle it and that it’s not causing a problem. But, if it is, quit the liquor. You’ll be glad you did thirty years later. I know I’m grateful that I did as I celebrate our 35th wedding anniversary in November! Y’all are a wonderful team and I look forward to many more years of following y’all around the world! Take care of each other and enjoy the journey!

It’s okay to not be okay. It’s okay to not be 100% all the time this is a big scary world we live in. Some days we thrive some days we can’t get in the right mind set. And we might need more wine and chocolate that day. 😊

Hello everyone. Being new to Patreon I am OVERWHELMED with this community you have created Elayna and Riley! All this love and support surrounding your family is truly amazing. I have read several of the comments and there is great meaningful advice coming from your friends. These people (we) care about you and your wellbeing. We all know life is not perfect, especially with young children. It’s really hard! Every single day. You will get through this rough patch as Lenny gets a little older. The anxiety will lessen as he stops doing new dangerous things daily. Him pouring the bottle out made me laugh because that’s real life. They definitely keep us on our toes! Anyway. Thank you for an emotionally honest episode. Stay true. Stay you. With love, Alaina & Jay.

Have a break guys, from YouTube, from the boat, from all of the 'stuff'. People will still stay true and still support you. A lil hiatus could be just what you need. I totally understand, something happens when you have a child and get older, I've called it 'losing my muchness'. Yes, that is from Alice in Wonderland. Good luck and I wish you both all the best, it will pass.

Yes, please share some of the hard parts of your life aboard. Constant workload and decision-making has to be difficult, especiallywith a baby on board. We all know it's not Nirvana, so please share it with us, the difficulties as well as the joys of your life. And remember that constant stress builds up; everyone needs a break at times. We all wish you the best!

Ha! I wasn't done. The last thing I will say is listen to how you feel. Allow your feelings their space and don't shut them down. Everybody loves you guys and Lenny too. And I would venture to say that your fans don't need perfection to tune in every week. Anybody who's had kids knows that first year is just brutal on sleep deprivation alone. Bring some family help onboard. Offload as much work as you can, doing only what you really enjoy. Take a vacation! Everybody needs a vacation even if you're living one for most people! Thanks again for another kind of bravery -- the emotional kind. Just as valid and often harder to muster.

Thank you so much for sharing and being open and vulnerable to us. The fact of the matter is we are all dealing with something no matter where we are or who we are. You are just human like the rest of us and you don’t need to be “brave” all the time. Yes you should express how you are feeling to Riley or someone when you feel overwhelmed and like you want to quit or run away. This is why we are here for each other. This life isn’t easy. I don’t care if your living on a boat in and out of beautiful ports or you are doing the 9 to 5 thing in some office somewhere and you have to maintain a home or a family, the struggle is very real. Granted you guys , and others in this world are living in some harsh conditions at times and the challenges may have more potentially life changing outcomes if not managed well but like you said at the end, you have the most valuable and often forgotten “freedom” and all that comes with it. Its not a small thing at all ! There is a lot to be thankful for in your life , such as the ever awesome Riley the rock, and Lenny the magnificent! We start to come apart when we allow small things to pile up and make us feel like we are somehow worthless. This is a slippery slope in to a self pity party that separates us and weighs us farther down in to depression. The key is to talk it out seek out the encouragement of other. In my faith I believe these are direct attacks from the evil one to separate me from my Father God. I believe that God created us to help each other and to seek love and life in every thing we do. I would encourage you to do something that makes you feel good about yourself when these things come and definitely talk it out . The engagement with others can be healing all in itself. I would say also that I wouldn’t worry so much about protecting Lenny from ever having fear (every Mothers desire) but teach him how to manage and deal with fear because its real and unavoidable in this world. This would be doing him the most good and making him the most powerful. We love you guys and I’m not sure what you believe but we will begin to pray for you (and the crew).

Thank you so much for sharing Elayna. Holding it together is not healthy and not real -- the dangers of an Instagram life. You're probably exhausted -- every new parent is, no matter where they are and what they're doing. When you launched the swimline, and then mentioned finishing a book, all while doing videos, caring for Lenny and maintaining the boat, I had the distinct thought "that's too much." Maybe ease up on the workload and yourself.

Well let me begin by saying that Elayna you are not alone with your feelings, emotions , fears and that you and Riley are one of the most real and sincere people I have ever encountered. No one is perfect, no relationship, no marriage no parent... there is no real answer or book to tell us how to do anything in life and we do what we think is best. We learn by living and you two are definitely living life! It may not always be perfect, or stress free or happy.. we are all entitled to have our days and off moments. The best thing you can do is to show all of that and be yourself like you always are. You are an amazing mom, role model, amazing partner to Riley and we all see that without meeting you in person. It shines through you in every video. The ups and downs in life we end up looking back at some day and appreciate them. You may not feel strong now but you will get that back. Let your fears and emotions out or it will eat you up, not healthy. For now I send you virtual hugs and strength! Can’t say it enough you are incredible! God bless you and your boys and keep up the great work and keep on smiling, it looks good on you! See you in Annapolis!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️

Dear Elayna, That was very brave of you to share. I am 62 and the stage of life you are in was some time ago. Nonetheless, I remember my wife and her sister going through this same period, their first years as mothers and the growing anxiety that seems to come with it. Her sister is also married to a sailor and they spent a lot of time sailing together before their firstborn. And, like you, it got more and more difficult. They now have three teenagers and they still sail together, but maybe motor a bit more, and stay in harbour when the wind gets up when they might have gone out before. Meanwhile her husband and I continue to love taking our boats out in gnarly weather and doing the same sometimes uncomfortable things we've always done. Our appetite for risk doesn't seem to have changed, but our wives have become much more cautious and not so willing as they once did. They also, like you, find it frustrating and struggle with it. That doesn't make it any easier for you, but I hope it might help you to know that you're not alone, that it's not abnormal, as others have said here. It seems to come with being a Mom for some women. Riley seems to understand, judging from his voiceover, which is good because it's just the reality you will both have to deal with -- which I have no doubt you can do, wherever the voyage takes you.

I wish I could .....

God Bless you all! See you in Annapolis 🦋 Look forward to meeting you. No worries, You got this! There is nothing a good 8hrs sleep doesn't help either. Peace 🌐🕊

...and there are cars and alien abductions and mean dogs and mail delivery people who look at you funny....

After reading a few of the comments -- many from those of us who recall what bugaboos popped up in our psyche as new parents -- I will add on this....you're both about as normal as can be...amazing and unique, of course, but in terms of the emotions and anxiety and fear....totally f'ing normal. So, do as most and take that as a comfort, nd know that it just slowly and quietly becomes normal. (Meaning you just get used to being paranoid and scared as hell about what might happen!;-) Oh, one more thing... living in a house in a neighborhood won't make a damned bit of difference....you're still you.

Elayna, From your early videos you seemed much more 'spiritual' centered. Have you lost that? Seems like that may significant contribute to your anxiety. ? I've had bouts with anxiety and there is no logic to 'why' I had anxiety and undue stress; it just is - nothing in my life was all that chaotic. I now know; for me; it is a function of hormones (low-T) OMG it made a huge difference when i got that back up. Anxiety and depression are very close to each other. You can find doctors to talk to over the internet now if you need to; just saying. Best wishes.

Next suggestion: it’s time for a vacation from your lifestyle. Go rent a house, mow the lawn, clean the gutters, set ant traps on the kitchen floor, sleep in a king sized bed, enjoy a freezer that can hold a gallon of chocolate-chip mint ice cream, etc. I give it less than 6-months before you’re yearning for the sea. Did ye talk like a pirate today? - happy talk like a pirate day.

Hey guys, thanks for different kind of episode and opening up with very personal thoughts. We all have them, but not everyone wants to share them. Well most of us don't have YouTube channel and share their daily life. That is the beast you created and it is pretty big. For better or worse. It is lot of work. I think everyone feels anxiety, worry, questioning what their are doing or why at some point in their life. Life on land may seem easier to you as the life on boat may seem easier to me at times. We all have different challenges to overcome at times. It does not matter where you live or what you do. As one much older and wiser man once told me: When you look at a family photo (video) album and see all the happy and smiling pictures/videos, that is not life. Life is getting from one smiling and happy family picture/video to the next one. And it is not always smooth sailing. In fact it can feel to be downright impossible. But not giving up and always finding the silver lining and positive attitude no matter what gets us where we want to go. And if anyone thinks it is all picture perfect all the time, well they are bunch of loonies. Chin up Elay, and Riley thanks for reminding us we are all humans. Cheers...Vlad

Oh darling Elayna, I'm turning 60 next year and with your share today it brought up so many emotions with my last 27 years - since being a mum. I represented Australia in Diving - springboard and highboard diving and as you can imagine you need to be brave to dive off springboard and platforms - I was one of the bravest then something changed - not so brave anymore. It's limited me enormously over these years since children. Flying, sailing, countries we've visited (or didn't) I'd like to say I got better - I just did not. So listen to yourself and get help - what you are doing is bloody brave and most likely you are exhausted - get some help kids doing it alone in my opinion just takes longer, I wish I had. Being brave is exhausting. Love your stuff and just know you are not alone.

Oh my dear, nobody has it all together. NOBODY. parenting changes everything. We all have fears no matter what our life is like. Motherhood gives you another level. The hormone adjustments alone are scary, let alone anything else. Then our sleep gets totally wrecked. Our lives center around the most demanding creature, a child. We want to be excellent parents but it’s actually impossible to obtain that perfection. I can remember every time I ‘failed’ as a parent or a partner...or think I failed. My boys survived, I survived. There were tears and fears and hugs and love........ Nothing will change how you feel. Just try to do what brings you the most joy, enjoy the little things as they come. Rest, reduce your work load as much as you dare. You guys are away from family and friends to support you. It’s very hard. You don’t have to be brave all the damn time:). Love you guys.

Parenting requires more strength and courage than any other activity humans engage in. According to my brother, its worth it. I never had the courage, and I have regrets. Both of you are changing in ways you will probably never fully understand. You are dealing with changes in each other and with the new member of the group. Things will be very tough. I have no real advice. Keep talking, even when it means fighting. Talk to others. Enjoy life on the days that its good. You are young and the young survive.

Have you guys considered getting an Au Pair? I know space is at a premium on the SLV, but considering your schedules and work load it could be helpful to have an extra hand on deck. Sure if you put out an application you'd get some top notch candidates. Rotate every 6 months or a year. You'd be giving someone an opportunity of a lifetime, plus get some breathing room. Exposing Lenny to new people for long periods of time could be good for his development as well. My wife (Brazilian) and I have a 2 and 4 yo, currently taking our ASA sailing courses, and would like to move aboard a boat in about a year. I'm planning on continuing operating my company from our vessel, so finding a good Au Pair (if we're lucky maybe even one who can sail) is going to be top on our list. Probably find some people from my wife's network in Brazil. Maybe some would consider this "lavish", but if it keeps the sanity while operating an accelerating business, raising Lenny, sailing, and HAVING FUN, then it would be a WIN for all.

Elayna, being brave when you are inexperienced is easier, because what you don’t know you don’t know can’t scare you. With experience comes a certain amount of fear, which isn’t a bad thing, as it helps to keep you safe. It does make being brave more difficult however. Adding mommy hormones to that increases the challenge exponentially. Having children makes women more acutely aware of dangers and men more ready to protect their families from them. Luckily, later in life (at least in my experience) the emotional part of that calms back down some.

Dearest Elayna, you are brave! For sharing your emotions with us, for trying to figure it out, for wanting to give Lenny the best. No one is never scared. Nobody has got it together all the time. I relate to your emotions from a complete different situation. I too thought I had to keep my emotions for myself and be brave all the time. And I also am just now learning to let go a little. Thank you for sharing, you are an inspiration! And know you touch so many lives! You made me fall in love with the sea when before I feared it. And yesterday my husband and I sat at the beach for the first time he became ill and now needs a wheelchair. We cried happy tears. You show me to follow your dream. Thank you for being you. ❤️

that was a joke....

I guess another child is out of the question for a bit???

Normally I would say "We should talk" and I'm glad you did. My wife and I are approaching the empty nest phase. It brings with it all the flood of emotions from all of the years gone by. The highs and the lows in often staggering detail. Just know that what you are going through is part of the process of life. It was not your first and will not be your last. I'm glad Riely is the rock for you but also know he will have his times of need also. Hopefully you will have that at different times! Hang in there. Take a break when you need to. Even though you love the constant motion it is also VERY OK to stop and rejuvenate. We will see you at the show in October. You both will be surrounded by hundreds but perhaps we can get more than a 30 sec meet to talk.

Elayna you're brave just for talking about it! Thank you for sharing with us , i know how hard it must be sitting in the middle of nowhere without your girls or mum to lean on so if you ever need a girls chat feel free to hit me up! You're one tough chicken . Its also okay to take a break for yourself sometimes if it means no videos for a while then thats what you do! Your mental health is more important than a video and im sure the other paterons would agree we will continue to support you guys no matter what. Take care of yourselves guys lots of love from WA 💕

Hugs (((((((Elayna)))))))), Not that you are asking for advice or that mine will be applicable to your life, but in my 54 years I've learned and relearned that alcohol doesn't work as a coping mechanism and I lack the ability to be able to stop at one or two drinks so I haven't had alcohol in a little over 14 years. That doesn't make problems go away but it helps me to avoid getting my head so far up my rear that I can't get it out. I would advise to make your focus about staying in each day as it comes. Whether you have depression about the past or anxiety about the future, the further one travels in their head in thinking about the past or in worrying about the future, the farther they are from being able to focus on the day they are in. It can take practice to remind yourself to stay in today so don't try to be a perfectionist. Like catching a drone or playing guitar, it just takes practice. There are books that may help like Codependent No More if you need to work on dealing with issues from decades ago or if you need to work around things we hear growing up as kids. i.e. When I was a kid my Dad would say things like, "You shouldn't feel that way" which sent me on a path for years for other relationships of thinking things were my fault that weren't and that my feelings didn't matter. I'm just suggesting at some point in life it helps some of us to take a Personal Inventory and look back at where we came from and what we learned so we can understand how we got to where we are. After doing that, with lots of practice and relearning over time, we can work on becoming who we want to be. Like it or lump it, in short, that is my experience. "Never give up, never surrender! "... Jason Nesmith

Sending you so much love and support right now. Be kind & gentle with yourself and when you are ready, find the right professional to talk this all through with. Even though it might not feel like it you will come through this. xxx

Thanks for this video! Getting a child is a huge life changer and also changes how you think about risks and situations. My wife experienced the same. It doesn’t mean you’re not brave...in contrary, sharing this in the video shows braveness!! Sometimes it helps to take a step back/some time off to recharge. You guys are awesome and it’s great to see how you support each other.

I can so relate to what you are feeling Elayna, although I do not live on a boat but in a "safe" house. Baby's will do that to you, they make you question everything and it scares the shit out of you that you are responsible for this little life....and this shows up differnt for everybody. What makes it worse in your case I guess, is the fact that you have seen, and been part of, a few pretty "close call's" and are therefore even more aware of how things can go wrong... I have two boys, 6 and 7 now, and I have gone through something similar. But just know that this has nothing to do with you not beeing so brave anymore, it's just normal and you will get through this and come out even better on the other side! You. are. awesome!

So grateful for today’s episode. Having lived on a cat with my family (husband and two kids) for a year I know how it feels to want to be the absolute bravest and most capable person. But knowing you have lives to protect and the good old mothers instinct, the possibilities become all too real. Thank you for showing that part of you. It’s totally ok and a normal part of what you do. As others have said we all just have total admiration for who you guys are and what you do and whatever that brings we are here to totally support you both. Sending lots of love and encouragement to you gorgeous Mumma ❤️

Elayna, courage doesn't always mean doing dangerous things with no fear. And don't bash yourself for not being the same person you were a few years ago because that's just human nature. Find out what 'courage' means to you at this point in your life, accept it and embrace it. There's an incredible amount of dignity in respecting our own deepest needs and thoughts. Please know that there's a lot of us out here who respect and admire you and Riley for who you are as people rather than exclusively as entertainers, so if you one day decided to sell La Vaga and go live in an apartment in the burbs of Adelaide and vlog your boring 9 to 5 jobs, we'd still wish we were your friends :) lots of love to you both from Melbourne xx

We knew! Riley is the wise guy and Elayna is the smart guy. And Riley is the skipper and Elayna is the CEO, Riley is the mechanic and Elayna is the editor; Riley is Super Dad and Elayna is the perfect mom. Riley is the navigator and Elayna is the harbour maneuvering surgeon helmswoman etc etc. And Lenny is just a good score 😘. Perhaps what is part of the pressure is having so much paradise-time in the wonderful Bahamas. Doing atlantic crossings or preparing legs in the Pacific maybe gave life - and the videos... - some heading and overall meaning-fulness. Best, Christopher, Denmark

Thank you for sharing. It will mean a lot to others who also deal with anxieties and fear, whether warranted or not. Stick with the adventure as long as you can maintain a healthy balance. Sounds like you have thought about consulting a professional and that would definitely be brave of you.

Crying with you here in TX. Love y’all so much, thank you for sharing this. Stay brave.

Elayna you are amazing and thanks for sharing with us out here in you tube world. Don't be scared! ❤

Hang in there. This is a big life transition. It gets easier. I promise.

Ha! We all think we have some right to be here...worse yet some reason to be here. But that's not true, we have to fight for our reason to be here. We have to WANT to be here. You are out there on the front lines, and that's impressive, but understand suffering is a relative term. Cry when you need to, but use it as a power-up.

Elayna. For what it's worth, I think you are very brave. How many young women would agree to hop on a boat with a wild man like Riley and take off on the journey you guys have now been on for years? Toss in now being a mom! Wow. I also think it's wise and brave to let us all in on the fact that your life is hard, not always just blue skies and warm breezes. If what you are doing was easy, we would all do it, but many of us are not nearly as brave as you! Lastly, I personally have found that age brings more thought, more worries, more fear.......perhaps that's what keeps us alive. Rock on for as long as it's worth it to you and the good outweighs the bad. Love you guys!

Are you kidding, the storm of the century has just blown past you, you’ve just given birth to this vulnerable, delicate little baby, been swimming with mega sharks, and your home is attached to a friggin anchor - everyday and everynight (I hate anchoring- even for lunch) you’re catching a drone that will rip your finger (no glove), you’ve lost a bottle of rum and you’re feeling some anxiety - derr!

Hey guys, Thank you. I have PTSD, anxiety... Your videos are part of my way out, especially this episode. I don't hide the fact I have mental health issues, I want the world to understand, and more importantly, open up. For me it's a fact of life, so I learn to live with it. I associate it with being caught in a rip. Don't fight it, swim to the side and let it go past. By showing vulnerability with regard to anxiety you are actually helping countless people, plus, saving a life or two. You have for me. Thanks again Paul (Perth)

First of all, Pam Sims is mistaken. She's making an assumption that you're fishing for sympathy and that you want us all to know how difficult your lives are. When in fact you're just sharing the good with the bad. Second of all, you're only human and you're allowed to not be perfect all the time. And I for one am glad you were willing to share the "not so great" bits. Don't let Pam Sims add to your disenchantment. You can't help how you feel. Anyway, what's she's implying is like telling someone with a broken leg to stop bitching because there are people in the world with cancer. All those poor people in the world having cancer doesn't change the fact that there's a broken leg. She needs to get her perspective fixed. Even though she thinks you're the one who needs a change of perspective

We're all a work in progress. A lot of the time on long passages when my kids were older they'd go ashore and I'd deliver the boat, bear in mind our autopilot was never reliable so it was hand steer all the way wherever we were going. The worst thing that ever happened was getting caught on a lee shore tied up to a public mooring and having the rudders bounce on the bottom, quick engine flash up, cut the lines and both engines at max revs to get out (by the skin of my teeth) of a dangerous situation. If you're at sea long enough you will know the many moods of our mother, in a bad mood things can go pear shaped VERY quickly. So avoid the bad moods, practice conservative sailing practice, on passages ALWAYS HAVE SOMEONE ON WATCH, use your radar to alert you of closing vessels. I have been within radio distance (<20 mi) of a collision between a trawler and freighter. Be aware that freighters often do not have crew on watch (they'll never admit that) AND they cruise at 20knots. Know your nav lights (worth doing STW95 or mater 5). So to me Elay you are most awesome as is Riles and the little Man. Look inside yourself for the peace you seek and educate yourself so you can confidently take charge if you need to. In amongst all the other 60 million things you have going on.

For what to do with your issues, I'm not gonna tell you what to do. You are grown and bright people. You'll find what's best for you. I trust your judgment and I will support you whatever you decide.

Eleyna,you certainly have it all together. It doesn't means you can't have moments of weakness or doubts. Riley love your Instagram comments. It's a dangerous disease for any young teenager trying to match that perfection. All lot of pressure to reach that perfect Instagram life that doesn't exist.

I think you need to have a few guest visitors that can help with video editing, baby sitting and soul nourishing 💕 I've just had my 4th baby 4months ago and at first I just wanted to hide in the safety of my home with just my family and no responsibility but the isolation brought post natal depression to my door. So lately I've been reaching out to friends and that alone has made an immense difference... But also look into a natural supplement called happy hormones (I use the vegan of this) it will help support your hormones, thyroid, adrenals and sleep. I buy it in Australia and will buy it and post it to you if you cant source it and wish to try it as it has literally saved my life 😘

When was the last time you lived in a house? I agree with others who suggest taking some land based time during hurricane season... you can always hop on la vagabonde for weekend sails... for the short term, I recommend jumping under the water and just screaming everything you’re stressed over... like the tunnel scene in “Cabaret”

E and R, Thanks so much for sharing. I have tons of admiration for you guys. You both rock so hard! Life has challenges and unwanted emotions happen to all of us so don't feel alone. If you want to help getting rid of those unwanted emotions contact me and I can point you at some effective tools to help. Much Love to you guys and I look forward to your next episodes. I particularly look forward to seeing where you went in the NorthEast!

that was a great episode, i think what the two of you are doing is incredibly brave. and Elayna if you need to take a break from it for awhile i think that may help the most. Other folks who are doing what you guys do take breaks. like during hurricane season. they haul out. and are landlubbers for a few months. It probably does a ton of good to stay with family for a few months every year, and on a stable house on land! take care see ya in Annapolis!

If you need to take a break from us needy people who love watching you guys, we will be okay. Put yourself first. I have also suffered with anxiety and you are doing all the right things. It can be exhausting sometimes but keep doing it, it will get better.

We all feel for you Elayna, we all have feelings like those. A million years ago people had the constant fear of being eaten and of not understanding their world. Those fears have largely gone and we know so much more but I think we are conditioned to have those fears and bad feelings even when times seem pretty good. That's why it's good to get them out and all about them, as you have done. Thanks for sharing! You've made my day seem normal!

Thanks for sharing and hoping the weight has lifted a bit and that you are able to get some rest. I just wanted to let you know what an inspiration you are, Elayna! I certainly think you are a role model for women (and beyond) who desire a life that may be seen as unconventional or alternative. You are brave in so many ways and you definitely encourage me with each new video! I am sure it is hard, when its just the three of you, to picture how many people are behind you, supporting you and being inspired by you - but we are here! xoxo

There's a saying in the Navy about the hierarchy of priorities. "Ship, Shipmate, Self". But sometimes, in order to take care of the first two, you have to do a little self-maintenance. So if you can take a small break for yourself do it. No one will think the lesser of you.

Beautiful beautiful beautiful ABSOLUTELY beautiful & BRAVE! Thanks for being vulnerable with us and revealing your true hearts. We love you guys and can only imagine the stress and the pressures you must feel from living on the water and the indirect pressures from your viewers to provide content and keep the machine running. Take a deep breathe, trust that God has given you the strength and ability to overcome obstacles. As the Lord says, “This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”” ‭‭Joshua‬ ‭1:9‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Go get em

Whether on land or at sea, you’re still a super woman Elayna! xx

And this is what we love about you guys. Open. Honest. Real. This is why it is my absolute pleasure to do my bit via Patreon to support what you do as you are an inspiration to many. Thank you.

Do not say you're not brave, As new parents as well (our son Ted was born on the 2nd of december) we are living in a house and we are constantly faced with fears and situations that are stressful, seeing your videos all we think is wow those two are brave! (and funny) watching you jump in the tender with Lenny makes my heart skip but I know that's what you have to do when you live on a boat! so your normal day is quite an adventurous day for us land based humans. So, I only wanted to say that yes it helps a lot to talk about the things that scare, stress, bother you and that you are an amazing inspiration to A LOT of people and that we love watching your life through the videos that you post. so Thank you and we hope to meet some day Mark, Erin and little Ted!

Give me a break-talk about First World problems! You need to become more aware of what is happening around the world- what do you think the people of the Bahamas would think of your pity party,

Elayna whining like a girl. Adorable!

Take care of yourself, Elayna. Hearing you say that you feel as though you’ve “lost your spark” really worried me (especially when combined with the insomnia you’ve mentioned). Im not a psychologist, but I’m a mom who has dealt with PPD/PPA myself. Please don’t be dismissive of your own feelings. There are really wonderful online counseling resources (I’ve used betterhelp in the past and it worked really well). You’re really brave to put yourself out there, but you can’t pour from an empty cup. Everyone out here in viewer land would adapt if you slowed to every other week for awhile, or took a break. Much love and hugs. 💖💖💖

I have been married for 41 years, and we dated for six years before that. Anyone who says that it's all apples and carrots is lying. We are all human, I agree with Riley, I can't stand the life is always perfect people. Good days and bad days, having a child changes your perspective.

Sending love to you all. 💗💗💗

Another thing is that when I was sailing with all of my young children on board I was always on “high alert”. I am not nearly as great of a sailor as you are, and I loved life on the boat... but the stress of making sure no one fell off was intense!!!

Yes, to all of the above comments. Also remember that you are in the first year of having a new baby and pregnancy along with the first year of your babies life although very joyous can be exhausting and stressful. Take time to retreat and support yourself in what ever ways feel good to you. Have you thought of having a nanny or another hand on board...? Like a sister or an “auntie” just someone there to lend a hand... somebody with a gentle and quiet personality ... even for a few weeks once in a while would be very helpful. I really needed that with my children ... and I was on land!!

Sharing your emotions with us shows what a strong person you are, Elayne!

Agree fully with Mike Faul - Enjoy your moment - right now - kiss each other have a hug - tomorrow Lenny will be hugging you back and supporting you.

Thanks for showing your vulnerability. You are only human after all! Elayna, read up on a specific exhalation style to stimulate the Vagus Nerve(s). Its done amazing wonders for myself and many others. There are theories that the Vagus Nerve is the key to maintaining Wellness physically, too. You are going through a big life transition! Kudos for realizing that you let it build up. Learning not to sit in our own sh*t and stew is way more healthy than having a big blow up later. It takes time to untangle patterns you learned from your family, parents, etc. Relationship health is also important and it sounds like you and Riley balance each other out well. Talking to someone, even a professional, about past traumatic stuff makes you even more brave. Show yourself some grace. No one is perfect. Feeling a loss of control is hard for some personality types, maybe this applies to you somehow? I live by the idea that the only person I can control is ME. My choices equal my consequences. Riley's are his, too. When you team up and work together it's a really beautiful thing to see. Show us more of the real stuff. We appreciate you more for it! xoxo

You'll get lots of advice and comments. Know this, we ALL go through something like this and it is a lifelong challenge. We can't do it alone and talking about it with others is a HUGE help. Keep the important things in perspective and don't assume your situation is the cause. It can happen to the most sedentary of us. Fair winds and following seas!

On anther topic... Love Lennie and his beautiful smiles and hs beautiful face... that said, does Lenny try to form words or repeat words you say to him?... like mamma or dadda ? I am curious.

Some excellent comments from your followers. We all thank you for showing your courage and sharing your vulnerable side.. very brave of you. As a long time psychiatric nurse and married to a psychiatrist for 44 years, I can say that sleep is extremely important in keeping your psyche in balance. You made need to have a few more stays on land in your travels. This would allow you both to be free from some of the sailing duties and and do take a break from videos. Without Sailing responsibilities you could each offer to mind Lenny for a longer period of time and get some much need sleep time and alone time to rebalance your internal scales. Nuff said.

We are all a work in progress and I don’t think we ever get to the point where we’re not anymore. I absolutely appreciate the genuine emotion of real life, especially since social media can make everything look pretty and perfect. Make sure to continue to give yourself credit, your a total badass with so much care for so many people and what your doing and the initiative your taking, takes a lot of bravery and courage! Sending you good positive energy and a virtual hug. We all need that❤️

Thank you both for the goodness you share. Be smart and be careful.

Everyone has said all the right stuff - we all support you but we can't be there to support you and that's where you need it! I would suggest maybe taking a short break from the filming and video editing - all of us will stand by, for sure. Take the pressure off. Much love.

Find a therapist on-line, a professional who you can talk to for an hour a week. Having the courage to do therapy is not a weakness but a sign of strength! Maybe ask your patrons, particularly the women amongst us, for recommendations. With this network, I'm sure you can find someone amazing...

Thank you for sharing this! I think it's super brave to do just that - share your raw emotions and let so many people in. We're all just a work in progress.. and it's so easy to forget that nowadays based on the imagery we see on social media. But I find what you shared inspiring and relatable. Especially the part of on one hand having more and more anxieties and questioning your own lifestyle, while also not wanting to give it up due to the rewards you get. Though I live on land, I've been travelling around the world for the past few years and though to many people my life may seem all figured out and easy, life is never that simple / black and white. So again, just thank you for sharing ❤️

GDay SLV Mates! Thanks for keeping it REAL!!! 🤗🤗🤗. We all need hugs. Parenting is the HARDEST job in the world, and that’s on dry land. 😝. What you guys are doing and sharing with the world..... Damn! You really are LEGENDS! Cheers to two of the Best Parents Ever! Much, much love. Eyes open. Be safe. Fair winds ahead! ;-) Mel & T.

Thanks for keeping it real. My wife and I have a 3 month old boy onboard and everything you said rang true for us.

Motherhood: It’s the best of times; it’s the worst of times. Isn’t it amazing how a tiny person can reek havoc on your life? Raising a child is the hardest job in the world, and you are doing it very well. I can see that, in Lenny’s heart-melting grin. But, you have to take care of momma, too. Maybe a little vacation would heal your psyche. And a few nights of uninterrupted sleep. Everyone needs a break - don’t feel guilty about it. ❤️

Love you guys more every time I watch. Can't give advice at my age, just wish u3 the very best. Don't give up but do take breaks more & more as you feel the need. We will always be there with you through the lens! But u3 come first. Enjoy every moment as best as you can. Put work down more often & tend to each other. God bless U3! Luv 'ya!

Elayna-do you still run on land anymore and do you have any girl friend time scheduled? Us girls especially as we get older and become mothers need that so much! These are all normal feelings. You are not alone!

Elayna, Just to take on such a voyage, much less with a new born, shows how strong you really are. I know many don't believe in God but I do and I know he is watching over all 3 of you. Life can be scary whether on land or sea. It is our difficulties we go through that make us who we are today. Without mistakes we would not have life lessons and that is what gives each and every one of us the life skills we need to manager this world today. I think you are an amazing woman and you have a gorgeous little boy and and a very strong man with you. Just breathe and it will all be ok.

I think Riley summed it up by saying it's inherently risky, even good decisions entail some level of risk. But, with adventure comes risk. Becoming a land lubber has it's own risks, like the inevitable loss of freedom that comes with the house, job, career, etc. Thanks for sharing from behind the camera, it's clearly not an easy thing you do, and remember, you should always choose the lesser of two weevils!

Most Beautiful video yet!

Bravery is showing the truth and the tears and the anxieties. Most people are most afraid to cry in front of people. You just did it in front of thousands and soon millions. Bravo to both of you because for me it only brought me closer to you and made me feel like I am ok too. And Bravo for being so self aware. Riley your voiceover was amazing!

I’m newer here but felt compelled to encourage you. You need to release some tension at times, but with a child and challenges you will be stressed. But the essential truth of a growth mindset is that challenge is your path to confidence. You are sharing with Lenny a life of surmounting the tough things. Stay the course. That doesn’t mean take more risks, but use your experience to guide you on your journey. You are doing what we all wish we could do and you inspire us with each iteration of shared experience. We will all be here for you...

I promise, this will help you in times of stress. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zcC3Sh9JBPU

Guys, I've been watching you for years now, and have to say that your sharing your adventure with us is appreciated by a multitude of people all over the world, myself included. I can remember what it was like being younger and having a new infant, because as the old saying goes, none of them come with an instruction manual, you pretty much have to write it yourself as you go along. And you guys now being out there sailing the deep blue with just the 3 of you, with no real (physical) support to call on for backup when things get a little tense and you could Really use either some alone time, or even a little bit of couples time, well, that definitely makes things a bit more challenging. I'm not sure of either of your parents situations, but might any of them be able and willing to spend a month or 3 with you guys, to maybe help pick up a little of the load so you can hopefully find a little more balance? Post baby, hormones and such can def be an issue, so maybe that might explain some of your emotions, though you said it seems to have been coming on for a while. Not sure what the correct answer is for you guys, but as others have said, maybe trying to slow down a little on the video releases, spacing them out and forcing yourself to make time for both you as well as your family would be helpful? It's going to be a bummer not seeing your (usually) shining happy faces and adventures on here as often as we do now, but your mental health, your relationship, and your family is the most important thing right now. Who knows, maybe you just need a hiatus from the sailing lifestyle? How did you feel when you were on land for that time, after he was born? I know right after birth, things are really topsy-turvy, but did you feel a little more at peace while you were there, or did you relatively soon start to get the itch to be back aboard? And if so, how long after you got back did it take for the anxiety to reappear? Well, I'm not a psychologist and certainly don't play one on TV, but I hope you guys take the time to discuss things, and come up with something that will make everyone on Vagabond happier, and whatever that turns out to be, here's wishing the best to all of you, and Fair Winds!

Elayna, just having a baby often puts mothers in a spin. Doing it while living on the ocean and filming it is a monumental accomplishment, you've nothing to feel inadequate about. Don't worry about the audience and what we think, hardly any of us could do what you are handling. You rock!!!!

Having girlfriends and / or your mum around to talk to would make things a lot easier. Riley don't be mean to her, be nice to her. Elayna you rock!

Great episode! Opening up and exposing our vulnerabilities is one of the most brave things you can do in today's society. Congratulations on being more brave than you give yourself credit for, and kudos to Riley for seeing that you needed to push yourself. From a purely scientific point of view though, have you considered that your anxieties may be a physical problem? You live on a very restricted diet that has an affect on your microbiome in your gut. They can have an immense impact on your emotions. Especially for pregnant and nursing moms. Consider adding more red meat into your diet and see if it decreases anxiety levels and sleep quality.

your surroundings/life is incredibly exciting, especially for all of us land locked folks. BUT your space is confining and down right challenging - constant battles for food and safety. i think you might be happiest when you're able to mix land life and boat life. looking forward to annapolis. i hope it will be a good experience for you guys.

Elayna I feel you! In my younger years I was so brave and just did it all. The last few years my fears startet to grow. I don't know why. Still, I think bravery is something different for everyone and as long as you push yours (just don't break yourself) you will always be brave. I don't think you will ever stop pushing, cause that's what keeps life interesting. Maybe it will shift someday and your own definiton of bravery changes, maybe not. Sometimes it overwhelms you. I think you are brave not only for being out there on the ocean with Lenny but also for sharing this with us. Love you all <3

Hmmmm, I see one thing here we have delt with, namely the issue of skipper control. It can be tricky, but we have come up with at least one great idea. You know about the dog collars for training that deliver a mild shock. Well if you were too, oh say wire one in to the depth gauge, and set it for say 4 meters and fit the collar to Riley. That way Elayna would be free from letting Riley know it is getting too shallow. I believe they also come with a remote, so they can be used in a myriad of circumstances as they occur, i.e. playing chicken with a container ship, or even making Elayna catch a drone when she is not in the mood.🤔 Your ever so helpful supporter. (Sorry Riley😁)

Bravo Elayna ... gotta release that anxiety. You are brave! Motherhood releases a lot of emotions that sneak up and bite you hard on the arse. Keep doing what you’re doing until it no longer feeds your soul. Ya’ll put so much into your channel & Patreon; we do appreciate all that your do for us who are living the adventure vicariously through you. But give yourself permission to slow down and keep some stuff private. But seriously seek help if your thought life keep circling back to negative thoughts before they get too out of hand. It’s hard when your partner is confident and “gets shit done” but you’re having a meltdown with overwhelming emotions. Give yourself a break; you’re still adjusting to parenthood. Getting enough sleep is hard enough living on land with an infant ... and now that Lenny is moving about and popping the top on the Rum, life is gonna get even more exciting. You’ve got this!

Love you guys and sending an extra hug to you Elayna! Thank you for being honest and raw. *That* is bravery. What y'all are doing is amazing - the struggles don't take away from that. xx

::: HUGS ::: / Thanxs for sharing and with the little one, there is little wonder that your perspective has changed and there are legions of people, such as myself, who are in awe of your ability to continue to inspire us through it all. I'd say one thing you should consider is cutting down on the videos if it is that taxing. They are SO good, that 1-2 less a month wouldn't have an impact on our love...

I know there is no way for me to know exactly what you’re going through seeing as though I am completely land locked, but what I am acquainted with is an intense and overwhelming sense of panic. The kind that makes you feel like you're drowning. In December I was going through a horrible bout of depression. I was alone in a city that did not feel like home. My head space was a very dark and lonely place to be. One of the only things that brought me some relief or distraction was watching your videos. I started from the very beginning and had them playing in the background of my every day life. Your videos, paired with counseling and my wonderful family brought me through. Seeing you all travel the world and be so vulnerable with your audience was incredibly inspiring and is a huge reason why I continue to love and support you all and your content. I can’t say I have a magic solution for panic but I just thought I would offer up my experiences to help with motivation and encouragement. I know you all do not know me but your content has had a huge impact on the way I view the world. I love you guys and I hope the panic you feel will subside into peace that is unexplainable.

Courage is not the absence of fear, it's action despite the fears. Cudos on your courage 👊 to the both of you cheees for sharing

No good to see you upset Elayna . You still have your spark and your courage look what you guy's do . When your younger you do feel fearless and take more risks . As you get older you tend to have more responsibilities to other people in your life and then tend to take less risks because you worry about how those risks would affect the people around you if something happens ie' Lenny, Riley . You have taken on more and more work in the last few years that would no doubt add to any stresses you may be feeling . maybe you all just need a break from it all for a while . You all could easily sell up and move back home but you would not be happy in the end going back to the 9-5 . Hope you fell better soon Elay you will get there . Just know we are all behind you and we thank you all for sharing your lives with us. x

Kudos Elayna!! Very well described and explained. I’d spend my two cents on saying that it’s simply ok to be scared, cautious and worried and becoming that more more, especially with your new responsibility. Although I am not a parent yet, I can totally understand that feeling because I notice that as an adult even without being a parent I have become more cautious of my actions. And even though it might be hard I’d simply say to yourself, when the feeling creeps on you, that it is ok to feel what your feeling. Talk to yourself out loud about it, loud enough so that Riley can hear it too. And remember the mind will quit way before the body and the soul will. You’re stronger then you think!

Great video and big hugs to you both and Lenny

'That which does not kill you makes you stronger'. Everyone has their good and bad days. Just part of life. Plus add on the baby and you have a recipe for some fun times.

Nice video! The beauty of authenticity. And I’m sure I won’t be the first to remind you that being brave is nothing about not having fear. It’s about feeling fear and moving forward anyway. It is a hard life. I spent 3 years living on the road alone. I stopped around 4th of July this year. Something went wrong w my van and I just couldn’t any more. 3 years of solo travel finally beat me enough that I moved into my house and now travel when I’m not working. Constant travel even when you bring your home with is trying. Mechanical issues, people issues, finding a safe and legal place to sleep every night, food issues, personal safety issues. I’m glad you have one another to soothe and motivate each other. Motherhood adds another dimension to your heart that makes you care for all living creatures in my experience. Except mosquitos. Nothing makes you care about mosquitos.

Thanks for sharing guys ❤️

Gosh if I could just give her a hug!! I feel this on so many levels. Obviously it’s not the same but the older I’ve gotten the more weary I get around risky situations (climbing around 800 ft. desert cliffs, being a passenger in a car, flying and so much more) — I find myself becoming more and more nervous about little things. All of these things require some level of risk but I wouldn’t function properly if I didn’t do them. No advice here aside from, you’re not alone and sending virtual hugs your way!! 🤗

You guys are awesome. Thanks for all the videos over the years. I'm sure I speak for many when I say we feel like we have all grown with you 2, now 3 and really appreciate you. Cheers

Thank you for sharing.

Nice title Hunter S. Whitelum 😉