Poll: Extra Tasking, Early Game

Thank you all for the feedback in the previous post. There were some good ideas and confirmations of which parts of Chapter One to look at.

I expect part of the disconnect in folks' feelings on the early game is due to my primary approach in livening up the early exposition: with banter, teasing, and witty dialogue. Some people love it, and others don't.

TNoM isn't (and won't be) for everyone, but there can be more to some of those scenes. Supplementing what's there, not replacing it.

Take one of the scenes I mentioned in the previous post: Rane and Luther discussing Rane's handler. It makes sense in the story world, considering Rane and the Gryms discussed the subject earlier that day, but the reader doesn't need that extra information right then (if at all). In fact, it's likely a bit redundant because of that earlier discussion. And what is Luther doing during the conversation? Sitting on a couch. While a completely reasonable thing to do (I'm doing it as I type), it's not particularly interesting and doesn't give any real insight into Luther's character. How could that change? The scene could be moved later in the story to serve as a bit of a refresher, and Luther could be doing something during the conversation, like training or working on his marksmanship. Show a little insight into Luther early on, rather than just tell the audience about him for the first few hours of the story. While the information relayed to the audience remains the same, the manner in which it's presented is notably different.

That's how I'll be approaching this work. One or two areas might warrant a more significant endeavor, but they'd be the last ones tackled, if at all. And there's bound to be places where there's unnecessary bits of information that can be cut, or details that can moved to scenes that better carry the audience's attention.

So, on to the poll. I'll be using the results as a way to get an idea of where to focus my attention, and I'll sprinkle the resulting work over the next couple of updates. To reiterate: this is to get a feel for how you all, the audience, feel about these scenes, but the work itself likely won't be quite so discrete in tasking.

The poll is multiple choice this time, so please select the parts of the story you'd most like to see livened up, even if you enjoy them all as they are.

Some of my thoughts on each item in the poll:

• First chat with Cymhen in the woods/limo

  • There are two approaches I've considered here (hence the two options), one being the notion discussed in the previous post about Cymhen showing Rane pictures of the scenes of where the other men with the Affinity died. The other idea I explored for this scene, which is a much larger effort, would be to follow Rane around for the evening after the ambush. The attack unfolds the same as before, only Cymhen doesn't arrive until after Rane has already left, so they don't run into each other. We then follow Rane to show 'a day in the life', so to speak. Part of that would feature him heading into town, the day getting progressively darker. During that, Rane begins to suspect someone is following him. The visuals get darker as night approaches and the tension builds until: surprise! Guess who? It would be pretty late by this point, so I'd expect a night in a hotel before traveling to the manor. One of the suggestions on the previous post was along these lines: to take a little time between the ambush and Cymhen's appearance to introduce/cover things like Rane's position in the world, his past relationships, etc. Which is what I'd incorporate as we follow him around, adding the earliest instances of his habit of talking to himself. Also, with the extra day they could actually travel to one of the locations where a male mage died while discussing the deaths. That part might be overkill, but is something I'd explore. Anyway, that would all be a larger effort, so it'd be the only extra task done with the particular update it's worked in. Might be a good 'last piece' to put a ribbon on Chapter One.

• Talking with Cerys the first night back: adding 'flashback images' to Rane discussing their past

  • I might expand this to include discussion about past events in general, as there was a suggestion on Itch to do the same thing with Rane talking about his handler.

• Energy Direction lesson with Áine

  • This was touched up in the previous update, but it focused on including Áine more. I feel it was a positive change all around, but the core notion of the scene didn't change; the two of them are still standing in front of a plant and talking/thinking about magic. We don't see any of Energy Direction, which is a sticking point for those who are, you know, expecting visuals in a visual novel. The issue there is that there are no visible effects of certain spells, like Energy Direction. There was a good suggestion on Discord, though, to show visuals of what Rane is, well, visualizing. That ties pretty well into the existing language in that scene as it uses imagery to attempt to instill those visuals in the reader's mind through just words. This would add an actual visual accompaniment. The idea is also similar to the 'flashback images' notion, so they'd essentially be the same narrative concept: providing the audience with a visual of what Rane is picturing in his mind. And I'd implement them the same code-wise, so another reason for me to like that notion.

• Divination (Sensory Enhancement & Telepathy) lesson with Cerys

  • Part of this could be like the above: finding ways to show visuals of what's in Rane's 'mind's eye'. I'd also probably change up the whole tone/heartbeat listening bit to having Cer play something decidedly 'cheekier' than a tone, leading PC to snatch the phone and be greeted with something other than the lock screen.

• Chat with Luther about Rane's handler

  • Wrote out most of my thoughts on this above. I'll add that moving the scene will open some time to add a new one in, so I'd think on something fun to put in its place that would also develop the characters a bit. Maybe Áine, Cerys, and Cymhen training, with Luther in audience. And that new scene could even happen earlier in the day, pushing the first Weave lesson until afternoon to better break up the less-active scenes. Another notion is that this could be a section that might benefit from 'redundant' scenes being combined. In this case, the earlier morning conversation being removed/reworked and either Cymhen or Cerys being part of the 'new' handler discussion.

• Adding a scene with a confrontation between Bael and Leala

  • In retrospect, not including this feels like it does a disservice to both the characters and to the tensions between their families.