Feedback Request: Chapter One

Just put more titillation in the exposition. Full on game of thrones it. Sexposition I believe it's called. In short, instead of sitting in a room with three characters as they exposition dump, give us stills of the different factions as we're talking about it, show us the super attractive characters we'll see later on in the game. Just in general, make the exposition more visually appealing, and I think it will be fine. It's mostly fine now, but if you have the concern and are looking to improve that area, the above are my own recommendations. Good luck!

Getting in the world building when you have such a custom one like you created here is always tough. I agree that slowing down sound counter-intuitive here, but it would probably help a lot with giving you opportunities to throw in MCs backstory and some of the world building before we even meet Cymhen. The first lesson is also completely fine to illustrate how learning works for "normies" compared to MC, the others feel a little tedious because that's the main purpose of those scenes and we're not getting new information, just specifics about a part of magic that really doesn't affect the player as much. We don't need to learn it, we just click a button in the end lol. Overall I think your pacing is fine though, maybe even a little too quick resolving all the looming conflicts that his running away caused. You need to decide for yourself what kind of AVN you want to make and whether you want to lean more towards a story driven experience or have the story be the alibi that happens to facilitate the relationships. For that reason, be careful what feedback you listen to. Sooo many players in this space will tell you how much they looove the stories, when in reality they just want to jerk off to pretty ladies. Those people will give the kind of feedback that things are "moving too slowly" etc, when in reality they just went limp waiting for the next lewd to come around. If you don't want to end up with a gooner game and an alibi story (which sadly is more likely to be successful), try to keep the balance.

I agree with paradoxwrit. As much as I have said to basically leave things alone a few times, I have to admit I kind of like their post. I don't hate the idea of adding more to the beginning to break up the timing of things that help with the world building. The people hating on the lore dump, and large chunks of information are forgetting this is a visual novel. The key word there is novel. It's a book. A story. An artist has a story to tell. They chose a medium that allows us as readers to see what's going on without having to use the mind's eye as much. That is a privilege, not a right. Let the author tell their story, and either choose to read it or don't. If you're only here for the sex, and the sex is fucking fantastic in this story, then go read something that has the words lust, milf, or love in the title. Quit trying to fuck with what is an amazing story already.

Honestly, I really love this story. I have replayed this game 10+ times before chapter 2 was even out. I love the world building and the unique way you went about implementing certain aspects. The world building and storytelling is what really sold me on this game. I would rate this in my top 3 of Visual Novel games I have ever played for how much I enjoy it. I think you should continue to write this game for yourself. Write it as you want. If you want to hear suggestions or feedback, my only thing would be to improve the Compendium, codex thing.

Personally, I agree that the prologue had too many information way too soon, there were a few times that I had to reread the sentence so my brain could understand it/process it. Other than that, I really enjoy the story you're telling, the characters, and the worldbuilding. Your idea of adding some flashbacks and Cymhen showing pictures of what's happening with the men with Affinity is really great, and it will definitely help (people like me) to understand better. I just have one request, is it possible to bring the MC's beard back? While he looks great and youger without it, I still prefer how he looked with the beard lol. Also, keep up the great work you're doing, and I can't wait for the next update (yes, I know it only has been two months since the last one, but I'm already eagerly waiting/couting down the months for the next)

Mmmm tough question, it's obviously a matter of preference. From my side, I simply love the way you are doing things. Your game is a good mix of "tell" and "show". I like the world-building aspect of it and the characters are great.

I personally like how it can feel like so much just thrown at me so quickly without a lot of show for where we are at in the story. It helps me connect to our MC since he has had to learn all this before the massive party where he is revealed so we are learning it as if we are him. If this was a story where we were say just a normal student having always lived with the magic and had this crammed into us in a just a few days of classes it would feel poorly written sure. However as stated we are a guy having to cram years of knowledge into a week while starting the normal trade training at the same level as everyone else so it works wonderfully in my opinion for just the right amount of realism. This is especially shown with how its told to us at the right time still instead of how many would just make us read lines of lore info for 5 hours. Also how some things are "missed" in game because people are so used to it they just don't even think of needing to tell us until it happens.

I'm good with how it is now. Most games don't have a well rounded story or details into there story. So what you did was great and it kept me engaged with the story and characters.

Love your work, awesome as is.. You have a big bad kill off all the males with affinity off camera. It would be nice if you could do at least Bales brother and a generic independent getting axed, no spoilers just a render of them then one them dieing or dead if you don't want to give anything away

Honestly, I almost quit the game several times during the first part. There’s just too much exposition, too much talking, and not much else going on. It’s tedious and feels like torture for anyone who doesn’t care about every tiny detail of the story. I’m glad I pushed through and got to experience the real game, but if I could suggest anything, it would be to cut all the excess information and trim the dialogues to the bare minimum. Spending hours reading wots just to grasp the lore is not acceptable in my opinion. With that being said, the game is great, and I'm looking forward to the next update. Those were just my two cents, for the rest: keep it up!

I love this game because the mc doesnt let everyone run over him and he has some bite to him, i would like some more bite to him because i've played many games where the mc is like a pussy and doesnt do anything and lets everyone do what they want. I actually liked that he had some skills when you started the game not like he was a total rookie and had some sense, i liked the learning curve he is on :D keep it up

I think the changes you made recently of adding the girls photos when they were being talked about in the first chapter made a huge difference in helping keep track of all the characters being introduced rapid fire and being able to put a face to a name, doing that with a few other characters that we will see again could be a good idea but I'd keep leala's fathers likeness a secret until we bump into him at the dinner. I don't necessarily think the rest of the 1st chapter needs any other rework but if there was a change to be made moving forward then I'd suggest having the characters be doing something besides just sitting and talking when you need to dump some info. Even something as simple as setting the table or unpacking a bag while they ask questions or listen to the other gives a different vibe than the group sitting on the couch or around the table.

I like the pace and story aspect of it honestly. The magic is fine the characters are great and its goes very smooth. Im ready for the next update!

I don't understand at all what people are talking about. I think Sudo did an amazing job telling the story so far. I love the how the characters are introduced. I love how the descriptions for how the magic works when learning spells. I love all the teasing and how it leads to all the reveals so far. The only gripe I have at all is during the big fight, when MC goes head first into the baddie, we don't see that. We see him running towards it, then he's on the ground. I didn't like that. They describe the heroic act to him, but I would have liked to have seen it. Otherwise, everything else is perfect.

Everything is fine for me. Nothing to say. I like the pace and so think it’s interesting to have a lot of exchanges between the characters. We learn the lore smoothly like this, and by the way, that will help to create more ‘speed’ scenes from the after. Don’t change your mind because some want..

The sex talk of them talking about other guys was lokey kind of vibe killer in the recent update other than that in my opinion everything else is fine