I wish I could be better, I'm trying.
I wish I could be better. For myself, for you.
But I'm just not as good as I'd like to be. I liked to think that there was something more inside that I could show through my art, something unique and magical, like many great artists whose work I see every day. But I'm just jumping like a child, imitating and trying to reach the top. Sometimes it happens to touch by accident. But then I fall into my dark thicket full of thorny thorns. And I look up, thinking how great it would be to have wings on which I could carry something beautiful.
But the reality for me is a constant thorny path, it's difficult, it hurts. And sometimes I don't understand why I'm moving on.
But I can't help but go, art is a part of me, I was born in this forest.
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Once again, I really want to apologize for my absence for the past month. It's an awfully long time. I have seen a lot of your support and emails during this time, and I am incredibly grateful to each of you.
I was faced with a very strong emotional burnout and I still feel terrible. I tried to find the strength to at least respond to those who wrote to me, but I can't find the strength even for such lines, and I'm terribly ashamed of this, and I don't want you to think that I'm ignoring you.
I've been trying to relax for a couple of weeks, go somewhere, meet someone, do something abstract. But nothing helps. I still feel the same way. With terrible fatigue, drowsiness, apathy, depressive feelings and lack of interest in everything around.
I've been preparing for over a week to draw this picture and write this post. I'm trying my best to come back. And every new day without art makes me feel even worse. And the strength to move on has not returned.
I'm still trying, I'm really sorry. I wish I could be better.
Comments (30)
I just discovered your work on a comic site like a month ago, and I came down to support your work. Whatever you’re doing, whatever you’re struggling with, you’re doing something right. Glad to meet you.
Thank you
Have you heard of the Chapel of Sacred Mirrors? They are spiritual artists who connect all kinds of people, especially artists, with their wings. I recommend them, and at the least, Alex Grey’s art is sure to inspire a wandering artist towards the light of many divine spirits. I hope your journey finds a clearing soon.
Your art and your characters are so beautiful Boni. I hope you feel better.
Take all the time you need. Your work inspires mine, so please don’t quit, but don’t be so hard on yourself.
Take care of yourself first 😊
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We often judge our own skills too harshly, trying to reach some imaginary standard that we can't even define. For what's it worth, I think you *are* a great artist. I hope you find what you need to feel better.
It will return soon Boni! We're still here for you & support you! Its gonna be ok & things will get better!❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Understand the way you are feeling, just stay as strong and resilient as you already are! Burn out is such tricky work, but we are here to support you no matter what. You are already one of the greats, but it can take a long time to see our own strengths. Take the time you need, we will be here all the same 💖💖
Please don't beat yourself up. We love your art and the effort you put into it. I am sorry that I had to lower my membership amount because I needed to afford rent this month. I plan to increase it when I am more stable. If you ever need to talk I am willing to listen. Take all the time you need for yourself.
I know the pains of burnout all too well. It really helps me feel less alone in it reading your struggle, especially with how incredible your work is and how much of it you've made. You're truly an inspiration and I hope you find your way through to the end of this spell soon ❤️
That feeling of tiredness where even simple things comes with a heavy weight that makes moving at all feel too difficult is such a awful feeling. Sometimes you just need a good break. Take the mind entirely off art and rest up. Refresh. Break a cycle where you think about it and it weighs heavy on your mind. A mental break. Physical breaks don't always help if there's not a mental break too. Your art is amazing and a huge inspiration for me. I feel like I am trying to reach a height you have reached. Art is like that I guess. You striving for more, wanting to fly higher shows that art passion is there. It burns within you. That's so important to have! Let youerself rest. It's the best way to tackle any kind of burnout I have found.
pls take your time and feel better, you got this :3
It sounds like you are going through something very tough. Have you considered seeking professional help?
Thank you so much for sharing your feelings....being a small artist I thought "giants of industry " like you don't suffer with SAME shit....literally same i am so sorry being "big" doesn't guarantee protection from such mental break downs thank you for reminding of this. Take as much time as you need! Maybe try to visit therapist...many artists around me rn using antidepressants...and me myself considering to get prescription too...maybe it will help to at least not go deeper into this loophole
Your worth as an artist cannot be understated Boni. you’ll always be a GOAT 🤝 Take care of yourself mate. I wish you the best
Don’t rush. Take your time. Rushing from that state now will be poison for you
BONI Please, don't beat yourself over it, don't ever beat yourself over it. You do need to rest take time for yourself and relax. Don't worry about responding or creating art right now, you need YOU. Spend time with friends and family, watch some shows and movies, go out and explore. We'll always be here for you and we understand. You're an amazing artist and person, nothing will change that. Your style is inspiring, it's literally you and no one else has came close to replicating YOU. How can you be better when you're already the best? Please take care and stay safe, don't ever think we'd be upset. Hearing from you and knowing you're still here means a lot more than you think. Please BONI, take care and get some rest. We'll be here for you.
You are amazing I honestly wish I was as good as you! Take as much time as ypu need
You don't have to be "Better". You're already good enough. You're just having a bad time right now. It's ok. We understand. Take your time to heal. Really heal. Without beating yourself up for something you can't control right now. We'll be waiting if/when you want to come back. You don't owe us either way, we made the choice to support of our own volition. I support LOTS of artists with no guarantee that I'll get anything back every month. That's not what it's about for me. You're NOT a product I own, you're a person who's art I like and want to see more of. I know full well the creative process is fickle and difficult, ESPECIALLY these days. That's why it's worth my time and money. I'm paying for the process, not the result. You're doing great. I know how hard making these sorts of announcements is. That's real progress and I'm proud of you. Take it easy and above all, Be Well. 💜
Try all the time you need. Don’t push yourself just keep up. You need to take the time to recover. We’ll still be here.
Thank you for sharing your feelings. It's okay to take time for yourself. Don't say sorry for needing a break. Your health is most important. We love your art, but we care about you even more. No rush, no pressure. Just take your time to get better. We'll be here for you whenever you're ready. Sending you warm wishes and patience.
it’s okay! everyone faces burnout and all these other feelings, take your time to get that spark and energy back!
I’ve had a pretty bad burnout myself recently as well, don’t feel to bad about it. Don’t be ashamed, take time to get better for yourself not for us.
You can do it Boni!! take a deep breath and go for it no matter how may times we fall if we learn and are constant we would get there 😸
Take your time to get better we understand
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I have similar thoughts, feelings and emotions now. I understand you. Take your time.