111 - Ayaka Tōjō's Struggles④

RAW

I lay on my bed, recalling my earlier interaction with Haruto. My hand rested gently on my chest, trying to calm my racing heart.

"Maybe I went a little overboard..."

I muttered softly, reflecting on my actions.

Originally, I had only intended to talk with him alone, but the moment I saw his face, I couldn't contain my emotions.

The trigger for this? The events at school today.

The sudden appearance of a girl—Dōjima-san—in our classroom. She seemed quite familiar with Haruto, leaving with him in a friendly manner.

Haruto had called her his childhood friend, and I didn't doubt his words. He’s the kind of person anyone would admire, and as his girlfriend, I’m proud of that.

But deep down, a storm of unfamiliar emotions swirled within me.

"Love truly begins after you start dating... Saki was right after all..."

I recalled my best friend's words.

When I told her about becoming Haruto’s girlfriend, she’d said, "You've finally reached the starting line of romance." At the time, I didn't fully understand her, but now I do.

The romance novels and manga I’ve read often end happily once the characters confess their feelings. But in reality, things continue even after you're together.

Before becoming Haruto’s girlfriend, I’d felt a whirlwind of emotions—anxiety, excitement, joy, and fear. But since we've started dating, those feelings have only intensified.

Now, besides joy and happiness, there’s something else. Something unfamiliar: jealousy.

I’d never really felt jealous before. Seeing happy couples would make me feel envious, sure, but never jealous.

Yet today, watching Haruto and Dōjima-san talking, I couldn’t deny it: I was jealous.

I wanted to talk to him more, hold him, feel his warmth. I wanted him by my side, to look only at me, to smile and speak only with me...

That possessive jealousy consumed me in an instant.

At first, I tried suppressing it. After all, it was my decision to keep some distance at school. Feeling jealous was selfish, and I knew it.

But the more I tried to suppress it, the stronger it grew, and I found myself seeking Haruto’s presence to ease my turmoil.

When I finally stood before him, my emotions took over. Unable to control myself, I clung to him, seeking reassurance through his warmth. I even bit him—an impulsive act driven by the overwhelming need to make him feel my presence, to mark my place in his heart.

Back in my room, I felt mortified, reflecting on my actions.

I don’t want to be a girlfriend who only takes from him. I want to give back and stand as his equal. But right now, I feel like a burden—selfish and needy.

If we ever take the next step and live together someday, I need to contribute. I can’t just depend on Haruto for everything.

"Maybe I should ask Kiyoko-san to teach me how to cook..."

With those thoughts, I drifted off to sleep.

---

The next morning, I walked to school alone, as Haruto had left earlier to avoid walking with me.

"I wish we could walk together, hand in hand..."

Murmuring wistfully, I tried to shake off yesterday’s lingering feelings. To distract myself, I thought about breakfast.

"Kiyoko-san’s cooking was amazing..."

Her miso soup with tofu and onions, grilled salmon, rolled omelet, and simmered hijiki with soybeans—it wasn’t flashy but felt so comforting, like a warm embrace.

Thinking about Haruto becoming family someday, I chuckled to myself, my imagination running wild. But my daydream was interrupted.

"Tōjō-senpai, right?"

"Huh?"

Turning towards the voice, I saw a petite girl with an unreadable expression.

"Ah... Dōjima-san?"

The girl who’d sparked my jealousy yesterday stood before me.

"Yes, I’m Shizuku Dōjima from Class 1. Nice to meet you."

"Oh, um, I’m Ayaka Tōjō, Class 2."

She bowed politely, and I hastily returned the gesture, albeit awkwardly.

Dōjima-san seemed like the type who didn’t show much emotion. But she was undeniably cute—with bright, clear eyes and sleek black hair. Despite her small stature, she exuded an air of charm.

As I observed her, she spoke again, her tone as neutral as ever.

"Has Haru-senpai told you about me?"

"Y-Yes, he has."

"And about my offer to help?"

"Yes... he mentioned it."

She nodded slightly and took a step closer, her gaze unwavering.

"Then, Tōjō-senpai, I’d like us to become best friends."

"Best friends? Wait, what...?"

Caught off guard, I could only gape at her.

Dōjima-san continued, explaining her reasoning with her characteristic directness.

"If you want to spend more time with Haru-senpai at school, we need to be close—like inseparable best friends."

"Inseparable... best friends?"

Though flustered, I couldn’t bring myself to outright refuse.

"Fine, if you’re absolutely against it, I won’t force you," she added.

"N-No, it’s not that I’m against it, just... surprised."

"Great! Then we’re already besties," she declared with unnerving certainty.

"But... isn’t this a little sudden? Shouldn’t we get to know each other first?"

"That’s irrelevant. I don’t know you either, and honestly, I didn’t care before now."

Her bluntness was a bit hurtful. But before I could process it, she stood beside me, her movements quick and decisive.

"From now on, we’re best friends. Let’s head to school together, Ayaka-senpai."

"Wait, Dōjima-san—"

"Call me Shizuku."

"Uh... Shizuku-chan?"

"Yes, Ayaka-senpai?"

Her serious eyes locked on mine, urging me to comply.