38 - Tojo Ayaka's Love①

RAW

A coffee shop in a quiet residential area.

The sunlight pours into the shop, and the sound of jazz music flows quietly. A calm atmosphere spreads, as if separated from the sweltering summer.

I slowly swirl the straw in the glass in front of me.

The ice makes a cool clanging sound.

I take a sip.

The aroma of black tea and spices spreads in my mouth, and my expression relaxes.

Today I ordered chai tea.

I usually order cafe au lait, but the other day, Otsuki made chai tea for me at home, and it was so delicious that I ordered it here too.

I take another sip of chai tea while waiting for my best friend to arrive.

Hmm. This chai tea is also very delicious, but I wonder if the one Otsuki made is a little better?

While I was killing time thinking about such things, my best friend, Saki, came into the store.

"Oh, it's this way."

I raised my hand to show her where it was, and Saki came over to me, looking up at her face with her hand.

"Fuhi, it's hot again today."

Saki sat down and looked at the chai tea I was drinking, and her expression turned a little strange.

"Huh? Isn't it iced cafe au lait?"

"Yeah. Chai tea today."

"Huh, why?"

Saki tilted her head as she sat down opposite me.

"Because Otsuki made it for me the other day and it was really delicious."

"Oh, are you bragging about it?"

"N-no! It's not like that."

"Oh, yeah, yeah, thanks for the meal."

"Mmmm..."

I puffed out my cheeks and glared at Saki, but she didn't seem to mind at all, and opened the menu and considered what to drink.

"Is it delicious?"

"Yeah, but..."

When Saki asked me, I was about to say, "Maybe it tastes better if Otsuki makes it," but I quickly shut my mouth.

If I said something like that, I'm sure she'll think I'm bragging again.

"But?"

When I stopped mid-sentence, Saki asked me again with a puzzled look.

"No, this is delicious. Would you like some, Saki?"

I laughed it off for the time being and offered the chai tea to Saki, stirring it lightly with the straw.

"Hmmmm. No... I think I'll have the almond au lait."

Saki closed the menu she had open and raised her hand, saying, "Excuse me," to call the waiter.

"you'll order something unusual, Saki."

Usually she orders iced cafe au lait like me, or iced tea.

"When I'm in the mood, if other people are drinking something different than usual, I want to order something different too, right? Oh, can I have an almond au lait ice cream, please?"

After ordering from the bartender, Saki takes a sip of her cold drink and looks at me, saying, "Well," and then says, "Well,".

"So? What is the important thing you want to discuss with me?"

Saki asks me with an itchy smile.

In fact, yesterday, after I came back from visiting Otsuki-kun, I messaged her and said, "I want to meet you because I have something important to discuss with you."

"Y-yes. Well, you see... well..."

I remember the conversation I had with Otsuki-kun yesterday and feel my face turn red.

"Well, I... I've decided to pretend to be Otsuki-kun's... girlfriend."

"...... Hm? What?"

Saki asks back with a blank look on her face.

"That's why I'm pretending to be Otsuki's girlfriend."

"Hmm... sorry, say it again?"

"That's why I'm playing the role of Otsuki's fake girlfriend."

I speak clearly, pausing between words.

On the other hand, Saki seems a little confused by what I've said, as she places one hand on her forehead and looks down, looks up in thought, tilts her head and furrows her brow, and seems to be quite busy.

"I'm sorry, Ayaka. I don't get it at all. Huh? What do you mean?"

No matter how much she thinks about it, Saki doesn't seem to understand what I'm saying, and she looks at me with a suspicious look.

"Well, Otsuki-kun has his own circumstances, and he's currently living with his grandma, but... he told her that I was his girlfriend, and so..."

"Oh, really?"

Saki reacts to my explanation with a vague sense of understanding.

"I don't really get it, but does this mean that Otsuki lied to his grandma and told her that Ayaka was his girlfriend?"

"Well, I guess that's how it is."

When I nod, Saki folds her arms and makes a thoughtful gesture.

"I see... that's surprising. I never thought Otsuki-kun would be the kind of person to lie like that."

There's a hint of contempt in Saki's words, and I hastily defend him.

"Otsuki didn't mean to lie, did he? His grandmother was very important to him, and it seems he lied without thinking because of his precious grandmother. But after that, he apologized to me profusely, and he was about to tell her about the lie, but then I..."

"You stopped him from telling her?"

"Yeah..."

I nodded back.

"It seems like there were a lot of circumstances."

My desperate defense seemed to have saved Saki's opinion of Otsuki for the time being.

If possible, I'm sure Saki would sympathize with him if I told her about his parents and how his grandmother is the only family he has now.

But I can't just bring that up without him around.

"That's right. Otsuki-kun has his own circumstances, so his lies were, well... lies for the sake of his grandma, and it's not like he wants to force me into being his girlfriend or anything."

"I see... well, I don't really know what those circumstances are, but for now, Ayaka doesn't find the lies unpleasant."

"Yeah."

As I nodded, Saki looked relieved, then looked at me with a puzzled look.

"But, Otsuki-kun is lying and calling Ayaka his girlfriend, right? Doesn't that mean he likes her?"

"Y-you think so too, Saki?"

My heart beat faster knowing that my best friend thought the same thing.

"That's what most people would think, right? Well, I don't know the details so I can't say too much. But you wouldn't introduce someone you don't like as your girlfriend, right? Even if it was a lie."

"R-right?"

I nodded repeatedly to Saki's words.

Saki tilts her head to the side and says to me.

"Ayaka, if you had confessed and said, 'I actually like you,' when Otsuki told that lie, wouldn't you have been able to go out together?"

"I thought so too..."

"Eh? Then why didn't you confess? It would have been a great chance for your first love to come to fruition."

When she said that, I couldn't help but look down.

That's exactly what I wanted to talk to Saki about.

"Because... I felt like if I had confessed then, my true feelings wouldn't have been conveyed..."

"Huh? What do you mean?"

In response to Saki's question, I explain what happened yesterday when Otsuki apologized for lying.

"Otsuki-kun, you must have felt incredibly guilty for lying to me, right? If you were to confess in that state, you'd probably think I was just 'going along with your lie' or something like that, wouldn't you? But I'm confessing because I truly like you, Otsuki-kun."

At that time, if I had confessed, Otsuki-kun surely would have made me his girlfriend.

But that would have tainted the pure feeling of 'love.'

Otsuki-kun would have felt guilty, thinking, 'She's only going along with my lie,' and we would have started dating with that weight on his shoulders.

And because he's so kind, he might have tried to act like the perfect boyfriend, as if to make up for his lie.

But... that's not what I want.

What I want is for Otsuki-kun to genuinely fall in love with me.

Without feeling guilty about lies, I want him to make me his girlfriend just because he likes me.

That's why, at that time, I didn't tell him how I felt.

I didn't want to.

Because I wanted Otsuki-kun's pure feelings.

I was being selfish.