"What's going on? Every single one of you looks like you just got beat up."

Tony came down the stairs and looked at the group on the sofa with a bewildered expression.

Black tank top, towel slung over one shoulder, clearly fresh out of the lab.

Tony pulled a cold drink from the fridge and downed a long swallow, finally letting the chill cut through the noise in a crowded head.

Peter looked over at the sound. A glance at the pale Hermione Granger beside Peter, then at the utterly vacant Draco Malfoy, and a guilty look crept onto Peter's face.

"Um, well... I took them along on night patrol and swung them around the city a bit. They maybe got a little... spooked..."

Peter's eyes drifted toward the ceiling. Fingers worked the hem of a shirt into a wrinkled knot.

Tony gave the group a pitying look and took another few gulps.

Poor kids. Not throwing up mid-swing was already a genuine achievement.

Wait.

"Don't you wizards fly on broomsticks? How did Peter's webs do this to you?"

Tony's look said everything words couldn't.

Afraid Tony was about to come up with some very strange ideas, Harry quickly jumped in. "Ron and I are on the Quidditch team, we're used to flying. It's just that Hermione was never great at it to begin with, so the reaction was a bit much."

"As for Draco..."

Harry's lips twitched. Thinking back to what happened that afternoon, there was a moment of indecision about whether to keep going.

Ron Weasley handed Hermione Granger a cup of water and picked up the thread directly. "That guy's on a Quidditch team too. The state Draco's in has nothing to do with Peter. It's entirely because Draco's worldview got shattered to pieces."

Ron looked at Draco, grinning without a shred of concealment while defending Peter Parker. Facing that blatant mockery, Draco merely turned away and fixed a gaze elsewhere, resolved to ignore the irritating presence entirely.

The day had been eventful, to put it mildly.

First, Peter had cleared a two-meter fence without using hands, right in front of Draco. Then Peter had transformed into a red-and-black Spider-Man before Draco's very eyes, shot webs with practiced ease to scale the skyscraper across the street, and finally dragged Draco along for several loops between the high-rises.

Seventeen years' worth of worldview, reduced to rubble in a single afternoon.

Draco had known early on that these Muggles were not ordinary people. But they had always seemed, at most, more agile than average, there had been no reason to expect anything remotely science-fictional about any of it.

And then today, Peter Parker had dropped a very large bomb.

Draco took an angry sip of water and felt a flicker of genuine resentment toward Lucius Malfoy for sending Draco here in the first place.

Some father you are.

"Huh? Harry! When did you all get here?"

Yang Luoluo's voice drifted down from the stairs, carrying a note of surprise. She came trotting down in quick steps and dropped into a seat in front of everyone, face bright with the kind of delight that comes from seeing friends.

Leaning back against the sofa, Tony took the opportunity to give Loki, who had followed Yang Luoluo down, a thorough and entirely unsubtle look. Eyes narrowed.

Something was off. Very off.

Why was this trickster god in such a good mood? Was something being planned?

Turn Steve's shield into a pot lid? Turn Clint's arrowheads into waffle cones? Or turn Tony's armor into a frilly pink dress again?

Given the extensive rap sheet on record, Tony quietly stayed on guard.

"We just arrived today, but as soon as we did, Mr. Stark shipped us straight off to Midtown High School."

"Wow, so now you and Peter are actually schoolmates!"

"More than that, you'd never guess — we're even in the same class!"

"Merlin's beard, I never expected Muggle classes to be this difficult. I didn't understand a single thing."

"Ron, the only reason you didn't understand anything is because you slept the entire day! Harry too! I genuinely cannot believe you two managed to sleep for that long!"

"I bet Hermione didn't understand today's lesson either."

"I heard that! Ronald Weasley!"

"..."

Watching the group bicker and laugh, thinking of all the good things happening lately, Tony smiled, clapped both hands together, and decided on the spot.

"Tomorrow. I'm throwing a party at the compound."

"Huh?"

No one had apparently anticipated Tony's thought process leaping quite that fast. The whole group turned in synchronized bewilderment.

When Tony made a decision, that was the end of it. The confusion was noted and completely ignored.

"Tomorrow's Friday. After classes and patrol, get here early."

"And you, Bambi, contact your brother and tell him to come too. Don't glare at me. The fact that you want Luoluo to fix Thor's eye has been written all over your face for days. I'm handing you the opportunity on a silver platter."

"Let me think... no hope for the ones out in space, but everyone still on Earth had better show up. I cannot wait to see their faces when Bruce and Hulk appear at the same time."

Delighted by the thought, Tony headed off without further ceremony to start getting everything ready.

Yang Luoluo turned her head, caught the full fury of Loki's expression, fought very hard to keep her face straight, and patted his shoulder with a solemn air.

"Don't worry. I'll definitely fix Thor's eye. Stop worrying about Thor."

Worried about Thor?!

Loki ground his teeth.

Damned Stark. Just you wait.

Walking away, Tony felt an inexplicable chill crawl up the spine.

...

Due to that sudden fire, which turned out, on later investigation, to be the work of those endlessly meddling Hydra agents, the plan to buy a gift for Hulk had fallen through entirely. The group had no choice but to head out again early the next morning, getting the gift sorted with just enough time to spare before the party started.

"Hey, my friends! I have brought the finest Asgardian mead!"

The voice arrived before the person did. Thor's signature booming voice carried in from outside the door, and moments later the God of Thunder came swaggering in with a broad grin and a bottle swinging in hand.

"Thank heavens. Finally learned to use a door."

Tony pressed a dramatic hand to his chest, looking profoundly moved.

"Speaking of which, Tony." Steve seemed to recall something, expression faintly puzzled. "Didn't you always make your entrance in the armor before every party? What happened this time?"

Back in the day, Tony would drop from the sky in the suit for every party, a ridiculously dashing entrance, and only step out of the armor with self-satisfied smugness after the room had erupted into applause.

At first, Steve hadn't quite known what to make of such an extravagant ritual. But the longer the acquaintance went on, the more Steve had come to accept this particular way of doing things as simply part of who Tony was.

The moment the question landed, Tony's face went flat. Without a word, Tony shot a look across the room at Loki, who was in the middle of a conversation with Thor. Loki returned it with a triumphant smile.

"Yeah. If a certain petty trickster god hadn't turned my multimillion-dollar armor into a red-and-gold princess gown — just because I called out a certain someone's stubborn tsundere pride — I'd absolutely still be making my entrance in the suit."

Tony rolled eyes, putting very deliberate weight on the words "princess gown."

The goal had been to rally the whole room against Loki's outrages. Instead, these deeply loyal friends burst into laughter without the slightest mercy.

"Pfft — hahahaha! Gotta say, that guy actually understands your aesthetic pretty well! Hahahaha!"

"Honestly though, I was kind of looking forward to seeing Shellhead make an entrance in a princess gown."

"Everyone knows he holds a grudge, but you're the only one who keeps poking at him nonstop. Who else would he mess with if not you?"

"..." Tony took a slow, deep breath. "I swear, I'm freezing every single one of your paychecks."

The laughter stopped.

Across the room, Thor hadn't even set down the bottle yet when Loki called out.

"Loki?" Thor looked puzzled. Seeing the expression on Loki's face, one hand instinctively moved to cover the stomach.

Something was about to happen. That much felt certain.

But Thor shook the unease off quickly, draped an arm around Loki with obvious warmth, and launched directly into familiar territory.

"You have no idea how happy I am that you're willing to come to a gathering. Back in Asgard, you never liked these loud occasions, always off alone in the palace somewhere, reading..."

The nagging was enough to make Loki's brow furrow. A glance at Yang Luoluo, and without a word, Loki used magic to whisk away the fake eye Rocket had given Thor. Yang Luoluo moved in seamless coordination, producing a lump of clay and pressing it into the empty socket without hesitation.

"Hold on, what's happening? Is this another prank? Ugh, okay, that's a little gross... Loki, remember to clean this up for me later..."

With no understanding of what was actually going on, Thor assumed this was just another prank. A face scrunched in mild disgust, but the body stayed planted exactly where it stood.

"Alright, so Luoluo's picked up your habits and now you're both pranking me together. I don't think Tony and the others are going to be happy about this influence, wait. How am I... I think I can see?"

Loki gave a flat look. "Don't say it like you were completely blind before."

Thor paid no attention to the edge in those words. Full of disbelief and barely contained excitement, Thor leaned toward a nearby pane of glass, and then discovered it with a shout.

The right eye. The one Hela had blinded with a sword. It was back.

"By Odin's beard!" Thor pressed close to the glass, scrutinizing every detail.

Loki clicked a tongue, expression thick with disdain. "That old man would never have bothered fixing your eye."

"You can relax now, right?" Yang Luoluo raised a hand to pat his shoulder, smiling up at him.

Loki crossed arms and lifted chin. "Don't listen to that Shellhead's nonsense. I was never worried about Thor."

"Right, right. Of course you weren't."

➤ Next: Drunken Blunders — Face to Face

Chapter 92 - Drunken Blunders — Face to Face

The hall blazed with light, music and conversation tumbling over each other in a constant roar. The Avengers, gathered at Tony's invitation, were crowded around Bruce Banner and the Hulk in a tight, buzzing cluster, completely unable to believe what was standing right in front of them.

The Hulk stood there cheerfully, letting everyone gawk, carefully turning a small glass dog over in those enormous hands.

The mastermind behind the whole thing was leaning back on the sofa, eating little cakes at a leisurely pace.

"The liquor I brought is exceptionally strong. I'm afraid only the Captain could drink a full cup and stay standing—and I mean before dilution."

Thor sat on the sofa across the way, chuckling as the crystal-clear liquor was poured out into cups. A little water was added to each. Then the diluted drinks were slid in front of everyone, one eyebrow lifting.

"Care to try?"

That was all it took. Tony pulled a cup over without another word, tone flat and defiant.

"Hmph. Let's see what kind of good stuff the great God of Thunder actually brings to the table."

Tony raised the cup and took a shallow sniff. The smell hit like a fist, and a thin fog seemed to drop straight over the brain. A flicker of unease crept in.

Damn. This stuff is the real deal.

But the words were already out there, and every single person in the room was watching. Backing down now meant a full year of being mocked.

Tony swallowed, steeled up, and was just about to tip the cup back when rapid footsteps clattered across the floor and an annoyed female voice cut through the noise like a knife.

"Tony, do my words just go in one ear and out the other? I cannot believe I stepped away for five minutes and you're already sneaking drinks!"

Pepper Potts swept in on high heels, expression caught somewhere between worry and fury. Tony felt guilt land like a brick, set the cup back on the table immediately, and gave it a careful push away for good measure.

"No, no, no, Pepper, you've got it wrong. I was just smelling it. I wasn't going to drink—"

Pepper shoved the cup to the farthest possible point on the table, dropped down onto the sofa beside Tony, and let the fury drain into pure exasperation.

"You know your condition. Keeping you off alcohol is for your own good. I catch you one more time and I'm telling Mr. and Mrs. Stark."

"Hey, Pepper, I'm a little old to have my parents called! If the old man hears about this, I'll never hear the end of it..."

The two of them launched into their back-and-forth as if no one else existed. The surrounding crowd turned their gazes elsewhere.

Yang Luoluo glanced at the cup that had been nudged in front of her. Curiosity was eating her alive, but she held it together.

Someone who goes red in the face from a single glass of fruit wine would probably pass out cold on the spot...

After that little interlude, the rest of the Avengers decided the whole thing was exaggerated and each grabbed a cup and knocked it back in one shot. And then,

"Huh? How come there are... two Nats?"

One cup down, and Clint's head was spinning, gaze gone glassy, completely baffled by the two Natasha Romanoffs that had apparently materialized out of nowhere. Clint swayed and reached out a hand to figure out which one was real. Natasha just wore a long-suffering look and let the experiment proceed.

Peter Parker, bursting with curiosity and waiting for everyone to be distracted, had snuck a cup while no one was watching. Now Peter was face-down on the sofa, dead to the world, not waking up until that impressive metabolism got around to doing its job.

Loki had no patience for this kind of noise. Loki had quietly taken a few small cakes and retreated to a room. There couldn't possibly be any danger at the base, after all.

Bruce Banner had taken one curious sip. The Hulk was now squatting beside the unconscious Banner, head tilted, poking the limp scientist with one finger. The Weasley twins lay completely flat on the floor not far away, neither of them moving.

Steve Rogers showed the mildest reaction of anyone who drank. If not for the flush spreading across those cheeks, anyone might have thought the drink had done absolutely nothing.

"Terrifying." Ron Weasley looked over at the scattered casualties, lifted a glass of fruit juice with visible relief, and took a very deliberate sip.

"Good thing Mr. Stark banned us from drinking." Harry took a compliant sip of milk.

"A wise choice," Draco Malfoy said, and actually meant it.

They were adults by Wizarding World standards, but in the ordinary world they were still minors. Tony had shown zero mercy, every underage person at the party had drinking rights stripped away on the spot, the young wizards included. Even Yang Luoluo and Wanda, both legal adults, hadn't escaped.

"I still can't believe Mr. Stark actually got them here!"

Wanda was staring at the stage set up across the room, where the hottest band of the moment was playing with everything they had.

Wanda grabbed Yang Luoluo's hand, practically vibrating with excitement.

"Right? Mr. Stark is incredible. I heard their appearance fee is insane!"

Yang Luoluo's eyes were glued to the stage, practically glowing. Across the room, Tony was busy managing Steve and Thor, both of whom were starting to drift, but still found a moment to catch Yang Luoluo's praise and shoot an eyebrow raise in that direction.

She'd heard that Tony's parties used to feature a crowd of models. It was only because the base had so many minors now, and the optics weren't great, that Tony had settled for a band instead.

"Really? The fee is that high?" Ron leaned in, curious. Not knowing the band didn't make the price tag any less interesting.

"From what I remember... at least over a million dollars?" Wanda thought about it for a second and nodded.

"Hss—" Ron did the conversion fast and sucked in a sharp breath. "That's... over a hundred thousand Galleons?!"

Merlin's beard. Ron's father earned a few dozen Galleons a month. Mr. Stark had dropped over a hundred thousand on a single party.

Harry, quietly sitting on one side with a fortune nobody talked about, and Draco Malfoy, heir to generations of wealth, were equally rattled by the number. They had always known Tony was rich. They hadn't known what that actually meant.

Now they did.

Across the room, scraps of the trio's conversation kept drifting over.

"I can hardly believe it—I am only fifteen hundred years old, and the ministers are already nagging me about marriage!" Thor, woozy after several cups, had an arm slung around Tony and Steve on either side and was pouring out grievances in full.

"..." Tony still hadn't made peace with the actual ages of the Asgardian brothers, but had no choice except to humor the drunk. "Is that so? How terrible."

A blueberry went into the mouth. The expression stayed completely blank.

A soldier from the last century accepting the fact that a teammate was old enough to be a great-great-ancestor was its own kind of difficult. Steve could only echo Tony with the same wooden energy.

"Ah. Truly. Really terrible."

"Asgard's affairs are so demanding right now, even making time to come to Midgard to see you all took serious effort. Marriage can wait until later..."

"Oh." Still blank.

"Right. Later. Definitely later." Pure performance.

"When that approach failed with me, those ministers actually redirected their attention to Loki! Never mind that my brother already has someone he cares for, Loki is only a little over a thousand years old, still a chi, mmph, "

Tony and Steve, jolted stone-cold sober in an instant, both shot their hands out at the exact same moment and clamped them over Thor's mouth.

The two exchanged a single look, ignored the baffled expression on Thor's face between them, and very carefully glanced over at Yang Luoluo sitting across the way,

Still eating cake. Still chatting. No sign of having heard a word.

They both let out a long, slow breath. Then they released their grip on Thor.

"I'd bet anything," Tony said, leaning close to Thor's ear, voice low, "that if Luoluo had caught a single word of that, your troublesome little brother would have turned you into a sieve."

That particular one had a mile-long list of bad habits, chief among them burying everything so deep inside there was a better chance of choking than letting a single word out. If Loki ever found out Thor had gotten drunk and laid all those feelings bare in the middle of a party...

Tony and Steve looked at Thor with something close to genuine pity.

Thor went rigid. The remark hit like a bucket of cold water, and the fog cleared a noticeable amount. Thor patted that stomach with relief, checked on Yang Luoluo one more time, still completely oblivious, and finally let the tension go.

Tony and Steve each reached for their water and took several pointed gulps.

Keeping a teammate from an untimely death was one reason. But if they were being honest, the more important reason was to throw a wrench into Bambi's plans.

What if one loose sentence from Thor tipped Yang Luoluo off? That would hand the whole thing to him on a silver platter.

A guy with a rap sheet like that, and he thought he could just walk off with the Avengers' only support?

Not a chance.

Tony was still fuming internally while Thor sat upright on the sofa with guilty posture, listening to Steve deliver a very earnest lecture on the dangers of intoxication.

None of the three noticed that at some point, Yang Luoluo had set down her cake. She was sitting quietly across from them, fingers curled tight around the hem of her clothes.

➤ Next: Accidental Intoxication — Heartbreak