Mushoku Tensei — Chapter 173 - Eris, Heart — Heartbreak

I woke up slowly, eyes still heavy.

Rudeus was beside me on the pillow.

They were in the middle of his honeymoon period with Aisha, and yet last night he'd suddenly said he wanted to stay with me. I reached out and touched his cheek.

Lately my mood had been awful. I didn't know if he'd noticed and that was why he'd come.

It wasn't that he was neglecting me. That wasn't it at all. If anything, he'd been hovering over me constantly with the birth so close. It was just... I didn't know why. Something was off inside me, and I couldn't name it.

Rudeus had told me: It's normal for pregnant women to feel inexplicably down. Eris, don't blame yourself. When you need to vent, just vent.

That's what he said. But...

When Roxy and Sylphie were pregnant, they never had these inexplicable moods. Neither of them. Just me.

It wasn't jealousy. It wasn't that he wasn't around enough. It was just this shapeless, heavy thing I couldn't explain, and I hated it.

------

"Eris?"

"Mm..."

"Why are you up so early? You usually sleep until the afternoon."

"Because Rudeus is beside me..."

I...

Why did I say that.

It sounded like I didn't want him here. Like I was pushing him away.

Ugh.

Rudeus blinked, then gave a small, awkward laugh. "Eris? Was I snoring? I thought I'd gotten past that..."

"No, that's not it! I just... I don't know why I said that. I don't know where it came from."

I dropped my head and stared at the ends of my hair.

Sometimes I really wished Rudeus would just get angry at me. Just once.

But if he actually did, I knew I'd fall apart.

"Eris."

That same gentle voice. And then his hand, warm and familiar the way it always was, reached out and touched my face. He didn't bring up what I'd said. He just looked at me and said, "Let's go out this afternoon. Staying cooped up at home isn't good for you. We'll just walk around. Change of scenery."

"Mm..."

"Should we get up now? It's been a while since you made it down for breakfast."

"Okay."

Rudeus got up first, dressed himself, then started helping me dress. I could manage it on my own, honestly, I could, but I let him.

Then the memory of what I'd said came back, and my face went sour.

"Eris? What's that expression? Still half-asleep?"

"No."

"Really?"

"Mm... I just... I want to say sorry."

"Has Eris done something that needs an apology?"

I have, and he knows it.

He always plays dumb like this. But I knew what I'd said had landed. He'd paused. I'd seen it.

Eris. You are not this kind of woman. Indecisive, moping, that's not you. Don't let pregnancy turn you into this.

Deep breath.

"Rudeus, I'm sorry! I don't know why I said that earlier — I really don't!"

"I didn't take it to heart."

"I really do love having you beside me. I mean it."

"Honestly..."

He was already close, still working on my clothes. Then he wrapped his arms around me, gently, and brought his lips to my ear.

"I love you, Eris. What you said did make me pause, I won't pretend it didn't. But I know your emotions are running a bit unsteady right now. That's normal. Something small like that isn't going to touch what's between us. So you don't need to apologize."

"Ugh... if you ever said something like that to me... I don't know what I'd do..."

"Eris. You're thinking about someone else's feelings now. Look at you."

"Rudeus still thinks I'm an idiot..."

He smiled and kissed me lightly on the lips.

Then he scooped me up off the bed.

"What are you doing..."

"Eris, I've never said this out loud before. But I'm saying it now." He held me steady and looked at me. "This side of you — soft like this — I can't help but love it."

"Ugh... I like you every way, Rudeus... whether I've got you pinned down, or when you're the one taking charge..."

"It's morning. Come eat breakfast."

He carried me toward the dining table. I tilted my head up and felt the warmth around me.

Mm.

I reached out and touched his face.

"What is it, Eris?"

"Rudeus."

"Mm?"

"After this baby is born... let's use protection from then on."

"Eris doesn't want more children?"

"Mm... it's not that, it's more that..."

I looped both arms around his neck, pulled myself close, and put my lips right against his ear.

"More than bearing kittens for Rudeus... I think I'd rather just be Rudeus's kitten myself. Meow~"

As expected.

He paused.

Then he kissed me.

Well, he tried to. I bit first. Just lightly, catching his tongue between my teeth before he could get there.

The kiss broke off.

"What's wrong, Rudeus..."

"Windsor..."

I turned.

Windsor was already up. She stood on the stairs rubbing her eyes, staring up at the two of us.

"Mom... Dad...?"

Rudeus laughed, a little too fast. "Windsor? Uh... did you see anything?"

Windsor shook her head.

"See what...?"

"Nothing. Go sit at the table, okay? Breakfast is almost ready."

"Mm!"

Once she was gone, I cupped Rudeus's face in both hands.

"Honestly~ Why are you going red, Rudeus?"

"I just... I want to look respectable in front of our daughters."

"Does kissing me make you less respectable?"

He smiled, sheepish.

Ah.

Sylphie had told me once, don't always be the one pushing forward. Rudeus is still a man. It's natural for him to want to hold a certain image in front of his daughters.

Ugh. I did it again.

"Sorry, Rudeus..."

"What's this all of a sudden? Now I genuinely don't know what I did."

"I'm always so... forceful. Not gentle enough."

"Eris~ we've been married for years. Why are you saying this now?"

"I don't know."

He patted my head.

"Eris. You're perfect the way you are. I like you exactly like this."

"Really?"

"Mm. Just... in front of the kids, let me take the lead. Okay?"

"Fine! Rudeus and his precious image!"

"Alright. Breakfast."

---

After we ate, Aisha and I took Windsor through sword drills while Rudeus stayed nearby as a sparring partner. Lunch was light, nothing much. In the afternoon, Rudeus and I headed into town.

First, the blacksmith, we put in a custom order for an iron sword for Windsor. Then a staff made for Lucy.

"Does Lara not need one?"

"Lara..." Rudeus exhaled. "She's had her heart set on the Arrogant Water Dragon King. Won't hear of any other staff."

"Will you give it to her?"

"Of course. But Eris, that was your gift to me. What do you think?"

"I don't mind. If that's what Lara wants, we give it to her when she's older."

"Then it's decided."

We left the shops with our orders placed and wandered through town hand in hand. Heads turned as we passed. People murmured, guessing whether Rudeus's fourth child would be a boy or a girl.

Honestly, I'd stopped caring about that. A boy, a girl, it didn't matter. Rudeus had said he'd love all his children equally, and I'd seen enough to know he hadn't just been saying it.

"Rudeus~"

"Mm?"

"I want to go home. Getting sleepy."

"I'll carry you back?"

"Yes!"

---

That evening, the four of us, Roxy, Sylphie, Aisha, and me, sat together and talked about the day. My three sisters listened with soft smiles, and every so often they'd ask me something about the time Rudeus and I had spent alone.

A gentle day.

It passed.

➤ Next: Sylphie, Heart — What Was Lost