Mushoku Tensei — Chapter 164 - If7 — What Was Lost

I stopped turning Nanahoshi's words over in my head.

"It's fine. I know what I'm doing."

Just that, and nothing more.

Nanahoshi seemed to sigh helplessly and let it go.

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That night, Aisha slept in Nanahoshi's dormitory. The room was big enough, and adding another bed was no trouble.

I headed home. Sylphiette came to meet me at the door.

"Rudy, why are you so late today?"

"Had some things to take care of..."

"Mm. You've worked hard, Rudy. The food's still hot — go ahead and eat?"

"Yeah..."

Magic experiments were exhausting.

Grinding, draining work.

Every time I finished, I wanted to be sick. Their memories always held something, something ugly, something that didn't wash off easy.

"Rudy... your face..."

"Ah. It's nothing."

I'd nearly forgotten Sylphiette was sitting right beside me, eating together.

I'd told her so many times there was no need to wait up for me.

But she waited anyway.

I understood what it meant. Sylphiette liked me.

Liked me a great deal.

But...

I had no right to answer that.

I had to heal Zenith.

I had to kill Orsted.

And there was a very real chance I wouldn't make it back.

What right did a man already halfway to dead have to respond to Sylphiette's feelings?

Holding onto that, I never once responded to her tenderness. I just kept taking it, selfishly soaking in her warmth.

I'd thought that if I never answered, she'd eventually give up.

Instead, Sylphiette only held on tighter.

Lately she'd started insisting we eat together every single night.

"Rudy..."

"Mm?"

"If something's weighing on you, you can tell me... please..."

"There's nothing weighing on me."

"How can you say that? Rudy, you used to always have that easy smile. But now..."

"That was years ago. People change."

Sylphiette set her bowl and chopsticks on the table and stood.

She came to my side.

That worried look on her face. Her hand reached out and settled over the back of mine.

"Rudy... I want to help you. I want to be somewhere you can rest..."

"Sylphiette, I'm really fine."

"You're lying to me, Rudy."

"How did you—"

Before I could finish, she kissed me.

Green hair fell soft against my cheek.

It tickled. She smelled sweet.

When it ended, Sylphiette pulled back and spoke.

"Rudy, I love you. I know you won't accept me right now — I know that. But I need you to know. I love you."

"Ah... yeah..."

"And you, Rudy? Do you feel nothing for me at all?"

"I do... but at the very least, not until after I've healed Mother Zenith. That's when I can answer you."

"Mm. I can wait."

After that, it was like nothing had happened.

Sylphiette cleared the dishes. I went back to my room and kept working, turning over where today's experiments had gone wrong.

But just now, my heart had moved.

For Sylphiette.

"Hah..."

From the day we reunited until tonight, she'd been nothing but warmth and steadiness at my back.

I really am a rotten person.

➤ Next: If8 — Tears Unshed