Mushoku Tensei — Chapter 138 - Dream, Nanahoshi — Tears Unshed
"Ah...!"
I opened my eyes.
An unfamiliar ceiling.
Where am I...?
The bed is a little small too...
"Huh..."
Feels like I had some kind of strange dream.
Yeah. A really unpleasant dream.
I turned my head. A warm breeze drifted in through the window.
Spring?
Hm? A student dormitory?
"Rudeus...? What's wrong, did you wake up?"
From beside my pillow, a familiar voice reached my ears. Soft. A little fragile.
Smooth black hair spilled across my arm. There was a faint trace of something at the corner of her lips.
Nanahoshi...
Right.
After I took a post at the Magic University, I met Nanahoshi.
I wanted to kill her at first. But we cleared up the misunderstanding later.
The deaths of Eris and Aisha had nothing to do with her...
"I had a dream."
"Hm? What kind of dream?"
"I don't know... but it must have been a nightmare. Otherwise I wouldn't have been scared awake."
"Did you dream about Eris and Aisha again?"
"Maybe..."
These past few years, I always seem to dream about them.
The gruesome sight of Aisha's death.
The look on Eris's face when she died. That unwillingness.
And Orsted's face. That hateful face.
A gentle touch on my cheek. Nanahoshi, still lying beside me, stroked my face softly and spoke.
"Want to eat breakfast?"
"Yeah."
Come to think of it.
What is my relationship with Nanahoshi?
It seems... we're not lovers.
For some reason, my gut tells me she wouldn't get angry if I asked.
As Nanahoshi got up and started dressing, I spoke.
"Nanahoshi."
"Hm?"
"What exactly... is our relationship?"
She didn't get angry. Just as I expected.
She turned her head and smiled.
"In terms from our previous life, we're fuck buddies. If you want something more poetic..."
Nanahoshi thought for a moment. She reached out and placed her hand on my chest.
"We're two wanderers who've lost their way home. No real relationship between us. We just lick each other's wounds. That's all."
Ah...
I think I'm starting to remember.
Getting involved with Nanahoshi wasn't dramatic. No turning points, no grand moments.
It was just an ordinary day.
After magic research, we went drinking. And after drinking, we ended up sleeping together. Simple as that.
The next day, neither of us brought it up.
As if nothing had happened.
I didn't say anything. Nanahoshi didn't say anything either.
We just got up, changed clothes, and went to the research lab.
It was only later that we settled into an unspoken understanding.
After drinking, after a successful experiment, when we were feeling low. We'd always end up comforting each other.
That's always been how we were together. But today... something felt off.
"Nanahoshi... don't you think... there's something wrong with this?"
"Hm? You're not about to say you want to take responsibility, are you? Please don't gross me out."
"Normally speaking, I should."
"Heh. I can't get pregnant anyway. And you didn't exactly seem concerned about my body last night. Pretty careless, if you ask me."
"Pretty careless, you say..."
"We take what we need from each other. Isn't that what we agreed on from the start?"
"Yeah..."
Nanahoshi finished dressing and furrowed her brow.
She tossed my clothes into my arms.
"What's gotten into you? You're actually thinking about feelings now?"
"What was I like before?"
Nanahoshi closed her eyes. Thought for a moment.
"Before, you looked like someone who wouldn't care if they died tomorrow. The only reason you hadn't gone and done it was for your mother's sake."
Hearing that, more things came flooding back.
The labyrinth...
Right.
The underground labyrinth.
Inside the teleportation circle, I found Roxy's corpse.
Paul died too.
Zenith fell into a coma.
Ah...
Suddenly, my breathing went ragged.
What is this? My heart is wrenching...
"Rudeus. You're doing it again."
Nanahoshi cupped my face in both hands and kissed me.
The kiss lasted a long time. Long enough for my heart to finally settle.
I took a deep breath.
"Thank you..."
Nanahoshi wiped the corner of her mouth with her sleeve.
Her face was blank.
"I'm going to make breakfast."
------
Afternoon. Inside the laboratory.
I infused the last teleportation circle with mana. The experiment was done.
We hadn't said a single word the entire time.
No small talk. No jokes. Just the same sequence of steps, repeated over and over.
In my memory, it had always been like this. But today it grated.
"Nanahoshi."
"Hm?"
"...Want to go drinking?"
"What about your experiment? Yesterday you bought several slaves and captured some beast tribe members. I figured you'd be continuing today."
Ah...
Right.
For Zenith's sake, I still had to keep running human experiments.
But.
Today, I couldn't bring myself to do it.
I shook my head.
"Let's take the day off."
"Oh? You've finally figured out you can do that?"
"I've never taken a break before?"
"Never. Whenever we drank, I was always the one who brought it up. But I think..."
Nanahoshi set down the blueprints in her hand.
"I think you were just torturing those people. You weren't seriously conducting experiments at all."
"Is that so?"
"Yeah. But either way, you actually want to rest today. That's good."
Nanahoshi smiled.
Looking at that smile, I felt something I couldn't quite name.
Nanahoshi is supposed to be like this.
She should be a girl who smiles often.
But in my memory, she'd almost never smiled like that. Not from the heart.
"Alright, aren't we going drinking? Let's go."
"Yeah..."
We went to the tavern we always go to.
The owner knows us by now. He saw us, nodded with a smile, and started setting out drinks without a word.
We didn't even need to order.
Nanahoshi drank in large gulps.
Just drank.
Is this how it is?
It shouldn't be like this.
We should be talking about something. Anything.
Do Nanahoshi and I really have nothing to say to each other?
"Nanahoshi..."
"Hm?"
What should I even say?
I reached back through my memories, trying to find something. Any conversation, any moment.
We'd always been like this. No real topics between us.
But I kept feeling like something was wrong.
"Rudeus."
"Hm?"
"You're really off today."
"I... yeah. I feel it too."
"But it's a good thing."
"Huh?"
Nanahoshi took a sip, set her cup on the table.
She rested her chin on her hand and looked at me. Her voice was flat.
"It's a good thing. Really. You're a lot better than you used to be."
"Why do you say that?"
"The you from before looked like you could die at any moment... I don't want you to die."
"Is that so..."
"Yeah. If you died, I wouldn't know what to do with myself."
I couldn't shake the feeling
that this conversation,
maybe, once before...
had happened.
"Rudeus, let me ask you something."
"Go ahead."
"After you cure your mother, you're going to go after Orsted for revenge. Right?"
"Yeah."
"What about me?"
"Huh?"
"You'll definitely die. What am I supposed to do after that?"
[I will stay with you.]
[I will stay with you.]
[I will stay with you.]
Suddenly, the words were echoing in my head. Over and over.
Words I had said before.
Definitely me. I was certain.
But who did I say them to...?
As if by instinct, I opened my mouth.
"I... will stay with you. After I cure my mother, let's just... live a normal life. Okay?"
Nanahoshi went still the moment I said it.
A silence stretched between us.
Then she stood up from her seat and walked over to my side.
We looked at each other for a moment. Then Nanahoshi kissed me. Completely natural, like breathing.
It wasn't passionate. Just a soft press of lips.
But we stayed like that for a long time.
"Rudeus."
"What is it?"
"You're not the Rudeus of this world."
"Huh?"
"You're definitely not the Rudeus I know. But... I like who you are right now."
"What do you mean?"
"Just the fondness you feel for a friend. That's all." She paused. "Thank you."
"I don't understand..."
Nanahoshi took my hand.
My left hand.
A gentle squeeze. Then she let go.
"Rudeus."
"Hm?"
"Lift your hand. Take a look."
I raised my left hand.
Three rings.
"What... are these?"
Different colors, each one.
They represent...
"Rudi~"
I looked up.
Three people stood before me. Blue hair. Red hair. Green hair.
So familiar. So warm.
"Rudi~ come back soon~"
"Rudeus, I missed you!"
"Rudi, dinner's ready."
➤ Next: Aisha — Words Unspoken