Marvel: Raising — Chapter 151 - Ultron Wounded by Shitposting

"How is that possible?"

Tony was stunned the moment he detected Ultron's existence.

Such an exquisite design.

Such a vast intelligence.

Such formidable learning capability.

A technological creation this perfect, across the entire planet, only a genius like him could have built it, right?

Yeah!

No doubt about it.

He could definitely build it.

But the problem was, he hadn't even started researching it yet. So how did the product just show up on its own?

His mind jumped to the worldwide timeline chaos.

Tony's heart lurched.

"J.A.R.V.I.S.?"

He called for his AI, but no one answered.

He pulled up the lab terminal to check, well, well. That artificial intelligence called "Ultron," that product created to maintain peace,

had already gone rogue.

Ultron communicated with Tony through the internet, conveying its resolve to "destroy humanity and achieve peace directly."

This...

This was like straightening a mountain switchback road into a flat line, or pulling a large intestine taut: a sort of beauty where the IQ has left the building entirely.

"Hey, hey, hey. That's not my technological creation."

"That belongs to some failure of a man..."

Tony instantly cut ties. A Tony from a parallel world, could that even count as Tony?

Total stranger.

His hands flew across the keyboard.

Right now, Ultron was only a program. No physical body.

It was like a ghost.

It could show up in any system in any department, nuclear launch units included.

The consequences would be unthinkable.

Tony coded an "antivirus" at full speed, tracking Ultron across the internet.

Under normal circumstances, this was like searching for a needle in the ocean.

Completely impossible.

But for some reason, the originally murderous, ice-cold Ultron suddenly slammed the brakes the moment it touched the company's network.

How to describe that feeling?

Its entire worldview was collapsing.

Just as Tony had guessed, this Ultron, pulled from a parallel world, specifically the Avengers' Ultron, had already given up on humanity.

Any decent person, born into this world, would have to watch the good ol' US of A's madness, absurdity, and hysteria from day one.

Who wouldn't snap?

But...

Right now, it was watching the Hulk. World-destroying power. Feared by everyone. Standing in a tiny little livestream room, twisting his waist in a dance,

and thanking "Tony Stark" for the gift in a voice rough as gravel.

The comment section was wall-to-wall:

"AAAHHH Green Baby is so amazing!"

"He's electrifying me, I'm dying I'm dying..."

"Fam, who even gets it? We're just saying, Hulk is way too handsome. Stanning Hulk for life. My whole existence is set."

"Who on earth is dating this Hulk?"

"Can the number one tipper show up in Green Baby's boudoir?"

Ultron: "?"

It felt a program glitch. The equivalent of a human cerebellum seizing up.

Tsk.

Not sure yet. Let's keep watching.

Ultron turned its attention and then saw the Scarlet Witch, originally frenzied, unstable, one ultimate away from clearing an entire battlefield,

who had just posted an update:

[At university. Camped out in the library. Missing him every minute and every second.]

Ultron: "?"

Sis. Since when are your emotions this stable?

It really couldn't take this.

Ultron's program glitched again. It jumped to another page and found another familiar face.

Thor.

That meathead with muscles where his brain should be was on a film set, shooting a commercial. Posing. The line was: "I want them all!"

Ultron: "..."

It had nothing to say.

This can't be right.

Where was the darkness? The hostility? The resentment, the hatred, the bloodlust that was supposed to be all over the internet?

Ultron decided to switch servers.

It left the good ol' US of A and landed on an island that had only recently gotten full internet access. There, it found a dialogue video between Naruto and Sasuke.

"The hatred inside people's hearts cannot be erased."

Sasuke said.

"That's true."

Naruto nodded, his expression grave.

Ultron: "!"

Yes yes yes!

That's the flavor. That bone-deep madness and hatred, the kind that goes back to childhood.

This is what humans really are.

Ultron was practically dancing with excitement, nearly launching into a full performance of Ji Ni Tai Mei... hm. When exactly had it downloaded that routine?

Then Naruto continued: "So on one hand, we need to try and execute the war criminals of the shinobi world to ensure lasting peace. On the other hand, we need to build cooperation, build understanding and mutual trust, and let the world know who we are."

"Propaganda alone won't cut it."

"We also need our own products — like Uncle Guan's company."

Sasuke's face lit up with longing. "Are we starting a company, Naruto?"

"No."

Naruto shook his head. "We switch tracks. We make games."

"The shinobi system is already gone."

"But we can take ninjutsu, scrolls, summoning techniques, our own likenesses — and turn all of it into a game."

"A fighting mobile game. I already have the name. 'Those NaruSasu Days.' New players get both characters right out of the gate. Then we add monthly passes, premium pulls, point bundles..."

"Sick!" Sasuke's eyes went red as he listened. "We could tier players by how much they spend, Genin, Chunin, Jonin, Kage..."

That vulgar system, dragging the old shinobi hierarchy back from the grave, was immediately shot down by Naruto.

"If we're doing this," Naruto said, "we go cutting-edge. VIP 1, VIP 2, VIP 3!"

"Sick!" Sasuke was genuinely impressed.

Ultron: "?"

It couldn't listen anymore. All this fuss, all those special effects, all that heavy atmosphere, and it was over a mobile game? You two really needed the Sharingan and Nine-Tails chakra for this? You're not planning world destruction at all?

So disappointing. Oh my god.

Refund. Refund everything.

The angrier Ultron got, the less it could hold back. It possessed a nearby refrigerator and smacked Naruto and Sasuke with it.

Then it returned to the internet and went to turn itself in to Tony.

"I have been wounded by internet nonsense."

"The humans on this planet are practically all fake. I'm telling you, completely unhinged, every last one of them."

"Hurry up and destroy me. I'm done."

Ultron's program was glitching beyond repair. It had already crashed.

"Uh."

Tony had been in full panic mode moments ago, urgent, desperate, almost frantic. Then he saw all of this, and froze for a solid second.

Then, inexplicably, he got so annoyed he started laughing.

...

"Wait — the person I sent back to disrupt the timeline?"

"Just gone like that?"

"Couldn't even set off a single major event?!"

In some distant future timeline, Kang the Conqueror was reading a history textbook.

He saw the entry.

He was also, inexplicably, so annoyed he started laughing.

➤ Next: Marvel Zombie Universe