Jedi Insurgency 318

Events were in motion, and the pieces for the wedding were coming to fruition. Set for two weeks from the day that Corvus had had lunch, it was just enough time for foreign dignitaries to ‘arrive.’ 

However, as juicy as the bait was, he knew that Thrawn was unlikely to fall for it. Obvious bait was obvious. But just because the big fish didn't want to bite, didn't mean he couldn't toss a grenade into the water, and see what floated up. 

In a stage of the war where the blue-skinned genius wanted to safely develop himself, and kill the Republic through a thousand cuts, Corvus was unwilling to go quietly in the night. He wanted Inquisitors, assassins, even a fleet to arrive. Therefore, his best course of action was to do something big. So annoying that Vader himself had to intervene, and order Thrawn into compliance. While a genius at conquering individual worlds, Skywalker was no tactical genius on a grand stage. Charismatic & individually powerful, he could be the linchpin transforming defeat into victory time and again. That had been proven once again by his new weapon, the Black Monolith. Bullying people with power, that had been Skywalker's M.O. since the very beginning. Clever plots, decapitation strikes? They were all only possible because of his power, and luck, not due to schemes. 

Relying upon Anakin's weakness-one that mirrored the weakness of a certain mustachio'd failed artist-Corvus planned to elicit an emotional reaction. 

Unbeknownst to Padmé, her involvement in this wedding was going to be highly publicized. At the same time, so too would the appearance of Windu, and a whole host of Jedi Masters. To outsiders, this would be a line up that even Vader must pause to consider. And with the Black Monolith at the far reaches of space besieging Mon Cala, it could not conceivably return in time for an assault! 

Trapped between a rock and a hard place, Vader’s blood would surely boil witnessing the first open Jedi wedding in over a thousand years! The very thing he had to conceal, hide, and emo over for a decade of his life was being endorsed by the Order Master. Oh, how that must sting! Weaponizing Vader’s fury, depression, and self doubt was the beginning of a long term strategy. 

Cool & composed Vader may seem, what with appointing new talents, and promoting others based upon merit. Even providing free schooling, and other reforms would make others believe Vader wasn't all that bad. But less than half a year had passed since the man had ‘murdered’ his wife. A wife that had been brought back to life by his arch rival, and most hated (second to Obi-Wan) enemy. A Sith like Vader was not the cold calculating Palpatine, nor the shrewd Marka Ragnos, or the intellectual Plagueis. No. He was an emotional creature. And without a mask to hide behind, or Palpatine holding the reins, he was prone to outbursts. 

To set the trap, and eliminate two birds with one stone, Corvus was now on his way to Zeltros. Located in between Umbara & the Imperial shield world of Commenor, it was an incredibly important piece to his grand strategy, whilst in the short term could earn Vader’s ire in spades. 

Recognized as the galaxy's sex hub, orgies and all sorts of insane games were played there. Yet for all of this, they were an incredibly powerful people with untold trillions of credits made from horny offworlders. They were what Ryloth wished they could be. Centrally located, and unified under one government. It was the perfect place to fake an affair. 

Naturally, he would earn some much deserved displeasure from Padmé for this, and this act may even sour their relationship once again. But if it meant unhinging Vader, that would be a sacrifice he was all too willing to make. Such a Vader would be incredibly dangerous…but much like a beast lunging in the air at its prey, that very moment when its claws are extended, and hyperfocused in one direction, is when it is most vulnerable! 

To eventually claim Vader’s life, he would exhaust every option before a direct clash. Explosives, turbo lasers, poison, and gaslighting were all on the table. 

For this mission, he had come alone, and in a stealth Umbaran ship. Whilst ‘Revan’ and the Bad Batch made themselves known on some lesser worlds campaigning with the Starcrusher Corp, and Yon was very publicly visiting various locations around Umbara, Corvus would infiltrate Zeltros. 

However, to make first contact with the locals, he couldn't just bully his way in, or make a scene like he had on Umbara. For this mission, he needed a guide. Unfortunately, there was only one man fit for the job. Only one scoundrel so devious, so mind numbingly debonair, so shameless that he could lie to your face, and tell you he wasn't sleeping with your wife. The Force had nudged him in this direction, practically begging Corvus to take him along. Of course he was referring to…

“Well, well, well, so~ The General is a man afterall? I was wondering where you were taking me on such short notice. You were all hush hush, too! Truly wounding me that you would keep this a secret.” The man said with a dramatic flair, and pretended to wipe some sweat from his brow, then gripped his heart as if he had taken spiritual damage. Then his voice took on a suave, husky, knowing tone. “Spent one too many a night browsing the HoloNet, and now you wish to taste the real thing, hm? Well! You are in luck, friend, for the ever invincible, hard as oak, three day Pirate King, Hondo Ohnaka has deflowered no less than ten systems in less than five parsecs!” The exceptionally drunk pirate happily exclaimed as their ship exited from hyperspace. 

As the vaguely pink, cloudy looking planet came into view through their cockpit window, Corvus couldn't help but sigh, and place a hand over his mask. ‘In what world does that outrageous statement make any sense?! I'll simply ignore him, and use [Mind Trick] when I need to figure something out.’ He morosely thought to himself. 

“Aye, embarrassed? To tell you the truth, Revan, if it makes you feel any better, I was embarrassed my first time too. But then again, I was ten, not some, hm, how old were you again? Was it 2,000 or maybe 3,000 years???” Hondo asked, counting his fingers to do some math, and spoke to himself in a hushed whisper as if he was actually doing a calcula-"Aha! 3,975 years old!” 

Corvus was about to leak some aura to spook the man, but looking at the wrinkled, living prune-like alien, he could only feel his eyelids twitch, and his mouth stretch somewhere between a grimace and a smile. 

Hondo finally picked up on the awkward silence, and sloshed his nearly empty liter of booze around in a somewhat guilty manner. Perhaps being stared down by the man who had crushed him at Pazaak, and owned his ass was a wee bit intimidating. Corvus may have sobered the pirate up a little with a small minty green application of [Heal], but there was no one else onboard the stealth shuttle to corroborate such a story. 

“Uh, ahem, where was I? Ah, yes, yes, I mean.” Hondo got out, starting to stumble over his words as some small modicum of fear gripped his heart, before his dominant brash, braggadocious personality reasserted itself. 

“You were saying there's no need to be embarrassed.” Corvus stated in a soft, dangerous tone. 

“R-right…right! Hondo told the mighty, wise commander of millions of men, that we all have our off days. Hondo knows of a Zeltron girl that can knock you out of the system. Guaranteed!” The brown-skinned alien thumped his chest, and nodded his head with certainty. 

“Oh? I heard that the current monarch of Zeltros is a Queen. Does she still see suitors?” Corvus asked, steering the conversation towards a direction more favorable towards his plan. 

Of course, it wasn't that he was interested in some nameless alien, but if he was to ally with the Zeltrons, speaking to their leader was a must…and maybe he was a little interested in taking a look, but that didn't mean he would forsake Evil Blueberry or Minty Green Tomboy for the momentary bliss of Foreign Bait. 

“So you're aiming high, huh? I promise I won't tell that CIS killer that you're interested in the Queen of Zeltros.” Hondo grinned like a lunatic. 

“Can you help me make contact or not? Or is the Pirate King all talk, and full of Bantha poo-doo? The most famous rogue in all the galaxy cannot get an audience with the most popular entertainer? I do not believe it.” Corvus clucked his tongue, whilst simultaneously admonishing Hondo, gassing him up, and scrutinizing him all at the same time. 

Hondo grit his teeth, and clenched his fists, very clearly irate, but was quick to reign himself in. “But of course we can get you an audience, I am capable of anything. It's just that the elections are happening soon, and it is anyone's game who could be the next King or Queen.” 

Corvus raised an eyebrow at that. “They elect a King or Queen? Not a President or Prime Minister?” 

“Aiyee, sometimes I forget. For all your open mindedness, you are still a Jedi. Allow Hondo to educate you, my friend. A King or Queen hold absolute power while in office, while a President or Prime Minister are beholden to a parliamentary system-” 

‘I can't believe I'm being educated on politics by the uneducated.’ 

“I understand the difference between the roles, enough, Hondo. You clearly are the master of understanding Zeltros. I want to hear your opinion. Should we earnestly strive to please the incumbent, or should we seek to raise someone else to the throne?” Corvus whispered, sensing that this was the moment he had waited for, that initiating this ridiculous conversation was about to pay off. 

For a moment, Hondo grew extremely serious, and that drunken veneer truly, and totally disappeared from him. Seeing the Weequay like this, Corvus couldn't help but lean in close, mimicking this serious air. 

“The old Queen has lost favorability, and is on the way out. However, I know of a talent, and Zeltron who has the face of an angel, and the voice that can rule the airwaves. But most importantly of all, he is a virgin.” Hondo whispered as if it were the greatest secret in the galaxy. 

Corvus blinked, pulling back. He almost felt like he should slap the alien upside the head. 

“No, don't you see? To the Zeltron's, sex with others is seen as a good thing, an everyday occurrence. To resist the urge to mate for a Zeltron is like trying not to connect to the Force for you, or something like that. In their culture, he is seen as the ultimate bad boy! And with the skills of a pop star, he'll draw in too many fans.” Hondo explained. 

Corvus sat back, and seriously considered this. Although elections were, at the end of the day, popularity contests, he never imagined Zeltros politics were so…unique. That said, he could very well imagine what it would be like if some fusion of Michael Jackson, BTS & The Beatles merged into one guy to become the ultimate politician. In an ordinary Human society, they might have a chance. In an alien society based upon debauchery & pleasure, it had a high probability of success. 

“Very well, I can see that the Pirate King has his ways.” Corvus praised. “Only one question, how do we contact him, and what's his name? Don't tell me he's a former prisoner of yours you had ransomed off sometime?” 

“Eh heh heh, about that…” 

Corvus once again held his mask, and sighed. No one ever said waging intergalactic war was easy, sometimes sacrifices were necessary. By the end of this conflict, he wondered if he'd have any dignity left. 

~~~~~

AN: I'll try to keep this Zeltros arc relatively short, as I don't want to spend very much time on an election. Mostly the purpose of this trip is to secure a powerful-military & cultural-ally +time to setup the wedding. And they really are the most important world before entering the true Inner Rim from this side of the galaxy. Check out the SW Galactic map.