Jedi Insurgency 220 (Interlude 28)

After being stalked for several days, and becoming incapacitated, an Imperial ore hauler carrying critical resources for the war front had been captured by the ever heroic Captain Hondo Ohnaka! 

The dark skinned Weequay was dressed in an unassuming coat, and wore both a cap & goggles. Twirling a blaster pistol in one hand, and reviewing a dataslate in the other, he was currently perched comfortably atop the back of a pinned Imperial officer. Hondo adjusted his weight as if settling into a fine upholstered chair rather than a squirming Human being. One boot pressed squarely between the officer’s shoulders. The other tapped idly against the deck as he was lost in thought. 

“Now, now, my dear friend, now that you are my guest, it is only polite for us to discuss something profound.” Hondo said with a wide smile. 

The officer beneath him had a look of terror in his eyes. “No, please, I don't know anything important! I was assigned to a backwater, I-” 

Hondo leaned forward slightly, increasing the pressure, and halting the officer's speech. 

“Ah, ah! No interruptions.” Hondo chided smoothly. “You will have your moment to scream later, I promise.”

Around him, a rough semicircle had formed. His pirates were on one side, grinning like goons, and the captured Imperial crew on the other, were bound and disarmed. 

Hondo waved the dataslate dramatically in the air, and let out a ‘tsk.’ 

“I have here, the latest bounty listings from across our most glorious Empire.” Hondo sarcastically declared. “What a fascinating read! Full of intrigue! Danger! Opportunity!” He then paused, squinting at the display. “And…betrayal.”

Jabbing a finger at the screen, he pointed to a section just above his own name: 

Yoda: 500,000,000

Revan: 450,000,000

Obi-Wan: 450,000,000

Plo Koon: 450,000,000

Rahm Kota: 300,000,000

Jaro Tapal: 300,000,000

Ahsoka: 200,000,000

…

..

.

Boba Fett: 100,000

Hondo Ohnaka: 90,000 

“Explain this to me! Someone, anyone, please! I am a reasonable man, I only wish to understand why this is the case!” Hondo demanded, practically ranting as spittle left his lips. 

No one moved. Even the leering pirates looming in the background held their peace, knowing that their boss was going off on a tirade. The civilian ore crewmen were even more silent, each and every one of them turned their faces towards the ground. 

Hondo’s expression hardened just a fraction as no one spoke up. 

“Ah. I see. We are shy. Hondo understands.” He broadly smiled, then snapped his fingers, and pointed in a direction. 

Everyone dodged out of the way until a hapless technician with wide eyes looked around, only to see that the Weequay was pointing directly at him. The poor man stumbled forward as a pair of pirates pushed him from behind. 

“Y-yes, yes, sir?” 

“You look intelligent. I like intelligent people. They tend to survive longer. Tell me…what do you see here?” Hondo curled his finger, then held out the dataslate. 

The technician leaned in, trembling. “It, it’s a bounty listing, sir.”

“Yes! Excellent! You are off to a strong start. And whose name is at the top?” He asked, covering up all the names exceeding 100k. 

“Boba Fett, sir.” The technician promptly replied. 

Hondo took a cigar out of a pocket, then offered it to the man without a word. 

“Is that a deathstick?” 

“So quick witted, ah-ee, what a waste, what a waste. Hondo does not deal in petty drugs! This is an Alacrity stim, personally crafted from Lord Revan, and converted into a new form-the Alacstick-to make the effect last longer! Not only will you move faster, but so will your brain!” Hondo clicked his tongue, then placed the cigar in his mouth. 

After a crewman stepped forward to light the Alacstick, Hondo puffed several rings into the air with satisfaction. Already, he could feel that his speed had nearly doubled, and his thoughts were racing. 

“Boba Fett.” He repeated the word, as if tasting something sour.

The officer beneath him groaned as Hondo unconsciously pressed down harder.

“That boy is what, sixteen? Seventeen? He still has the face of a child! I have socks older than him.” Hondo muttered in dissatisfaction. 

A few of the pirates chuckled nervously as the gun twirling in Hondo’s offhand became increasingly complex. They had seen the scene all too often, when the boss acted like this…someone was likely to disappear!

Hondo rounded on them immediately.

“Oh! You find this amusing, do you?”

Like a record taken off the needle, the laughter died with a squeal. 

“I have spent decades building my reputation! Smuggling! Piracy! Kidnapping…I have been captured by Jedi and lived! Betrayed by Sith and prospered! I once sold the same shipment of spice to three different crime lords and lived to tell the tale! Skywalker, Kenobi, Dooku, they were my playthings!”

He stabbed at the dataslate again, and scowled. 

“And yet this, this helmet-wearing adolescent has a higher bounty than me?!”

Silence met his outraged question, and everyone avoided making eye contact. 

“Well?”

A Weequayan pirate cleared his throat, and suddenly became the center of attention. 

“Perhaps, Captain, it is a, a clerical error?”

Hondo brightened instantly, and slapped his knee with a laugh. 

“Yes! A clerical error! You see? This is why I surround myself with brilliant minds!” He gestured grandly. “What was your name again?”

“Uh…Kavos, Captain.”

“Kavos! A genius! A visionary! You will go far, Kavos, assuming you do not die in the next boarding operation.” Hondo laughed his praise. 

Kavos nodded quickly.

Hondo then turned back to the captives, and narrowed his eyes. 

“But let us not ignore the deeper betrayal here, I was promised something.” He declared, pointing his finger directly up, as if the heavens themselves had given him a solemn mandate. 

“Revan! That man of vision! Of grand ambition! Of excellent negotiation skills, I might add! He swindled me into working for him, in return, he promised riches! Fortune! Fame! That should I, Hondo Ohnaka disrupt Imperial shipping, good things would happen!” Hondo declared, pounding his chest, and said with great energy. 

“Aye!” His crew excitedly joined in with the hype. Although they were confused by the sudden turn around, they shared awkward glances, but were quick to support their Captain. 

The sudden declaration shocked the Imperials, and even Hondo himself didn't expect the outburst, almost falling out of his Human shaped seat. 

“We've captured 22 ships in two months, a new record!” One crewman shouted. 

“Hondo Ohnaka has a warrant in over 5 systems!” Another cheered. 

“Oh-Na-Ka! Oh-Na-Ka!” The crewmen fully invested themselves in gassing their Captain up, and shouted along. 

Holding up his hands, Hondo calmed the crowd down. Although a smile tugged at the corner of his lips, he kept up his dramatic, righteous act of indignation. 

“He said ‘Hondo, my good man, you will be a king among pirates!’”

Hondo kept a hand up, silencing the crowd before they could cheer his name once again. 

“And yet…here I stand. Not a king. Not even a prince! Barely Captain of 3 ships! And this boy, this child, is out here collecting bounties like they are sweetcakes! Why oh why does he do this when all he needs to do is sit pretty on his big water planet, and distribute spice like he is supposed to?!” Hondo held his head, and sighed. 

He leaned down suddenly, grabbing the Imperial officer by the collar and hauling him halfway up.

“You! Do you respect Boba Fett?”

The officer blinked rapidly as the barrel of Hondo’s pistol went between his eyes. 

“Yes, I mean no!” 

Hondo’s eyes flashed, and he pistol whipped the guy across the face. 

“Wrong answer.”

He dropped the man back to the deck with a thud, then turned to the rest of the prisoners.

“Let us try again.” Hondo said smoothly, brushing imaginary dust from his coat. “Who, among you, believes that I am the greatest pirate in the galaxy?”

There was a brief, terrified pause, and then the prisoners were quick to react. 

“You are!” Someone blurted.

“Yes! Absolutely!”

“Without question!”

“The greatest!”

Hondo closed his eyes, smiling serenely as the chorus of praise rose around him.

“Ahhh. There it is. The truth, at last.”

He opened one eye, glancing at his own crew.

“Well? You are suspiciously quiet.”

His pirates immediately joined in, once again glancing at one another as if to say ‘the boss has really lost it.’ 

“The greatest pirate, Captain!”

“A legend!”

“A king already, if you ask me!”

Hondo’s grin widened.

“You see?” He said, gesturing between both groups. “Unity! Harmony! This is what the galaxy could be, if only it listened to Hondo Ohnaka!” He said with a light laugh, holstering his pistol, and tossing the dataslate to a nearby crewman. 

“But do not worry, we will correct this…injustice.”

Hondo then strolled toward the viewport, gazing out at the stars as if they personally owed him an apology.

“I will simply have to do something so spectacular, so daring, so undeniably magnificent…” He said, trailingly, flashing a dazzling smile that did nothing to reassure anyone in the room. “…that even the Empire will have no choice but to admit the truth! That Hondo Ohnaka is worth more than Yoda himself.” 

The crewmen were eying one another, and a few silently nodded. Mutiny was the only option at this point. Glancing at one of the robots Revan had sent to monitor them, a Zabrak crewmate fingered the strap to the heavy blaster that was attached to his back. 

“Captain, it's not that we doubt your skills, it's just that isn't this all dangerous?” The tan Zabrak scratched his horns, and said in an embarrassed tone. 

Nine other men all muttered in agreement, and nodded their heads. Nine more men looked indecisive, whilst a further nine stepped away completely. Only four stepped up to stand by Hondo's side. The air was tense, and full of an electrical atmosphere. Five droids-who were at the periphery-had their guns drawn. Refurbished CIS assassin droids, their memory banks were edited by Revan during his trip to Tatooine, and had been assigned to Hondo to keep him loyal at all times. 

“Now, now, men, after all the glory and riches Hondo has-” He got out, and was dodging sideways as a blaster bolt struck the ground where he was standing. 

Hondo’s blaster was already in his hand, the first shot dropped the Zabrak in an instant. 

The second pirate barely had time to reach for his weapon before Hondo pivoted, landing one shot in the chest, and the other on his head. The traitorous pirate collapsed against the bulkhead, sliding down in a smear of scorched armor and blood. 

The third man destroyed two droids, only to be caught in a melee duel with vibroblades. Hondo took this opportunity to conveniently, accidentally blast both the traitor, and the droid sent to monitor him. 

Thanks to the Alacstick, his own personal skills, and subdermal cybernetic implants, he killed a third of his enemies in no time at all. By the end of it, each mutinous crewmate had been slaughtered, whilst on his side, he had one man, and one droid remaining. 

Hondo exhaled, lowering his weapon with a faint look of disappointment.

“Ahh betrayal, it stings every time.”

He glanced at the remaining men in the room. Both pirate and Imperial were frozen in place, not daring to move. Then, just as quickly as this melancholy came, it left like a spring breeze retreating to summer. His grin was bright, charming, and utterly unbothered by what had just occurred. 

“But!” He said, clapping his hands once. “On the bright side, this means larger shares for everyone who is still alive, yes?”

No one spoke a word, or met the renowned pirate's eyes. 

Hondo gestured casually with his blaster.

“Well? I am waiting.”

“Yes, Captain!” Came a chorus of hurried voices.

Hondo beamed, then shot the last remaining droid sent to monitor him. 

“Excellent! You see? Everything works out in the end.” 

Looking down at the droid, a big, genuine grin spread from ear to ear. He was finally free. Working for someone else went against everything he stood for. Doing a one off job was fine, but this whole ‘pirate king’ business was too much! Knowing he had rebellious crewmates, he had schemed to get these droids killed, and it had finally paid off! After this, he'd take his creds, and retire with a harem of Twi'lek dancer girls! 

As Hondo was imagining his glorious future, a robotic voice dampered his spirits. 

“Statement: Greetings, meatbag.” One of his crewmen tore off his own face as if it were a silicone mask one might wear at a party. 

“Happy Intent: Master Revan sends his regards.” Another droid revealed himself. 

“Congratulations: Let us burn the galaxy together, Pirate King.” A third droid said. 

Murderous Suggestion: We have information that could cripple Kuat. 

Before long, the entire remaining pirates, every single last one of them pulled off a mask, revealing row after row of eerie yellow photoreceptors staring right at him. 

“....” 

Hondo’s mouth went dry, and he most definitely didn't piss himself a little. 

“Yes, my friends…Lord Revan's vision is truly extraordinary! As his most loyal servants, how could we not do something grand! All this petty pirating, bah! We need to do something big! We need to hit the supply line to Kuat!” Hondo grandly held out his hands. 

“Declaration: Master Revan has recruited a most humorous meatbag this time.” 

“Agreement: Let us depart for Kuat, meatbag. The more murder, the merrier.”

Hondo grinned, and tipped his hat to them, then returned to board his ship. As soon as his face turned away from those droids’ line of sight, he gagged. 

Just what had he signed himself up for?!