State Of Sterling: Updates n' Stuff
Hello, lovely patrons!
Figured it’s high time I posted another update blog, as it’s taken far longer to get back into the swing of things as it pertains to videos. Some people have started to assume the show is entirely finished! Rest assured that is not the case.
So basically, the plan was to bring the show back weeks ago but a cocktail of workload, stressful events, and good ol’ fashioned mental health bullshit has led to a far longer hiatus than anticipated.
We are still not fully moved into the new place. The chaos, mess and general feeling of “this isn’t home” has proven to be a massive barrier in setting up for voice recording, filming, and editing. My plan was to move, settle, rest a little, and then get back to videos - I try not to blame my neurodivergence too much for things, but the inability to even get past stage two of my plan has severely derailed my particularly wired brain.
A more positive hurdle is that I picked up more writing work than I anticipated, as the gigs I had expanded or led to more jobs. In addition to the Vampire Survivors lore book, I’m working on another book project as well as contributing to an unannounced indie horror game and doing a few extra bits for previous games I’ve worked on. Basically, the hiatus has not been a vacation, and I think if I tried to do videos during all of this, everything would suffer.
One nice thing is that I was able to score a job for Zilla on the other book project! With videos being on hold this long, I’m glad I could still put work their way. Nobody “gets” my creative thinking like they do, so bringing them into the project pretty much guarantees it’s gonna be great.
I’ve been speaking with Zilla recently and we’re thinking the return to videos might be a good time to finally try a post-transition rebrand. It’ll mostly be a superficial shakeup, with the show itself being the same, but I’m still anxious about the idea, given how the wider Internet is resistant to even cosmetic change. Not that it matters much at this point - what, am I gonna start losing subscribers on YouTube Dot Com? Oh no!
In any case, I’ll be letting y’all know more about that soon.
Being able to still write and run my mouth, I’ve continued doing what I can to earn my keep here with reviews and podcasts, and I do hope that’s been enjoyable enough for y’all. I’m currently looking at getting reviews for Hades II and Ghost of Yotei up soon. Obviously, there’s also Silent Hill f, but I have to gather the fuck out of my thoughts on that one! I genuinely don’t know if I like it or hate it yet.
Wrestling has died down a lot for me lately. Some of this is due to a run of bad experiences with promoters, but the important factor is that my body is catching up with me. I can’t do as many shows as I had been doing, but I still have enough gas in the tank to work a lighter schedule.
On that note, Commander Sterling will be debuting with Nebula Wrestling on October 18th in Nottingham! It’s been a while since I worked outside of my usual regions, so I’m pretty excited and very nervous! If you’re free and able, do drop by!
I’ll also be working with Pinfall Wrestling as usual, returning to Manchester on October 26th. I’m looking forward to seeing that crowd again, we get a good group of Manchester queers coming to rejoice, and they’re such fun people.
But yeah, the physical barriers are increasing in every aspect of life. I have a wheelchair now - I don’t entirely need it yet, but thus far it’s made certain house chores like laundry far less painful for me. Mostly, I’m just getting used to having it in preparation for when it’ll be more of a requirement. Pain sucks. Like, it sucks a lot.
Not much else to report right now. I’ve just been busy and busy and busy! I can only continue to thank you all profusely for your continued support. I can’t express how much better my life is for that, though of course that also means I really don’t want to let y’all down! I’m sorry that the return has taken this long, and I’m still aiming to have the show back as soon as possible.
Not gonna lie though… having YouTube out of my life for the moment has meant I’ve felt far less anxiety and exhaustion even during one of the most stressful and busiest times I’ve had in years. When I come back, I’m going to reach new heights of disengagement with that abusive platform, really leaning into having a channel that’s both completely dead and unable to die. It’s going to be a lot of fun.
Once again, thank you. Thank you so much for allowing me the freedom you have, both in terms of creativity and being able to take the time I’ve needed. For as twee as it is to say one is blessed, I truly do feel that way about what y’all have granted me.
Thank you again. So much.
Comments (40)
Dang it, reading this a few days after the Nottingham event, would’ve loved to see you there! Ah well, keep up the good work, and look forward to the return of the vids, whatever hell-site they end up on ;)
New Patreon here (should have been one years ago ngl). Anyways I was getting worried about you and seeing dumb videos popping up claiming your were homeless and other nonsense. Decided to do diligence by looking into where you been which brought me to here. Glad you're do ok all things considered and hope you can find peace, happiness and health in the coming weeks, months and years.
I have been wondering when the next Monday is coming. But I am willing to wait for years, so like, no rush.
I look forward to the Stephquisition when it returns, but I'm happy to wait and let you get to it when you're good and ready :)
Ay just take of yerself fren !
A little poison on your blade and let's go
Doea the new place not have a murder basement? Is that why it's not feeling homey? :-p
Feel free to stop doing any work, I'll keep this sub until the heat death of the universe. Get better!
If the wheelchair is helping you at all then you need it. Just like all ambulatory wheelchair users you use it when you need to and you don't when you don't. Glad it's helping with your pain.
Looking forward to your return Steph, but take your time, and take care of yourself.
Thank god for You. Happened to come here to up my measly monthly tithe up a buck (inflation) and saw Your update. Please take care of Yourself. I want many more years of thanking god for You.
Great to hear from you. Disengaging as much as possible from the utter depression of YT in general is an ambition of mine, so I'm all for options that don't play into their model. And much as I hope you take care of yourself first and foremost, still daring to hope I get the chance to see Commander Sterling in my neck of the woods some day...
No, thank you! (and Thank god for you). Looking forward to the rebrand, and curious if you've considered trying one of the other platforms. I know I'd follow you on whatever platform you released on (if it wasn't ludicrously expensive)
Glad you're well, wondering if the new place has a "murder basement"? It always seemed to me a fitting home for the cornflake homunculus. Thanks for the update. Ive gotta catch up on the podcast myself as well, ironically it hasnt been "political enough" and though i dont usually miss a week, inability to tear away from the news cycle has put me behind a few episodes. Im glad youre probably safer over there than over here. (Hope bringing it up doesn't stress you out, occasionally having the thought "at least steph is safe, journalism will still have at least an ounce of free press" is weirdly comforting and ill take any good news i can get.)(kinda like that ending monologue from beyond thunderdome that basically amounts to "even if we dont know where they are or what theyre doing, knowing that theyre out there somewhere probably doing good is good to know")
Look, don't beat yourself up too much about plans; the important thing is you, after all - everyone will still be here when you finally get back into the swing of things. I like the sounds of the change for the channel - having it be more "you" is going to be fun! Glad our little token contributions a month can ease the pressure. Also, I recently got myself a wheelchair - mostly for trying to get back out in public (social anxiety issues) since standing for long periods is just not something we can do anymore. Quickly realising it's better to have it even if it isn't strictly necessary, most days, for the days when the shit hits the fan, is just a bit of weight off the shoulders. And well.. like you, we're going to need to use it more down the track, so the more we get used to it, the better, right? So, it's a good investment for peace of mind, and hey, now you have something to dress up! xD
Self care is very important. Take of yourself Steph!
Involved in an indie horror game? You have my attention. Looking forward to the everything in general.
I am very glad we have enabled you to take a nice long rest. Don't know about everyone else, but I'm sticking around till you turn the lights out. Have a great day!
I will be Very Disappointed if you don't have a Davros Chair. Coming back as a Heyman style manager for Kidd Bandit might not be a bad angle either.
Love you and the show, but I assumed it was just life stuff so don't sweat it. You're doing great, and glad you've got the problem of more other work than expected!
Love you Steph! I totally understand the brains "order of operations". Step 1) move in. Step 2) continue with life. But you can't move onto 2 if 1 isn't finished first. Sorry we don't make the rules, but we're sure as hell forced to follow them T_T
This update came at the perfect time – I was just wondering how things were going with you! Sorry to hear things aren't going as smoothly as you'd hoped, but fingers crossed it settles soon and you keep engaging with things that make you feel happier and more rewarded. You deserve joy.
I'm pleased to hear about the positive steps forward you're experiencing, and I hope the rest gets easier for you. You're still my favorite, I'm not going anywhere.
You've always been in my thoughts, Steph. To see you so creatively active outside the hellscape of YouTube makes us so happy. 🫶
Honestly, I think some of your best work has been when you lean into not caring if your channel dies or is dying. Really get to be yourself. So I look forward to it.
Honestly I’m happy for you . You deserve this rest
Just four hours ago I was wondering how you were doing. Seems not at restful as I'd hoped, but at least the break from youtube is doing some good. Take care, we'll be here (even those of us who don't follow podcasts or reviews as much).
Keep on keeping on, Steff 👍
You're coming back! 😎✌🏻🖖🏻🤘🏻 I've missed your content 🙇🏻♂️
When the physical issues become too much to wrestle, is there any chance you will become a Paul Bearer style “manager” who stands in the corner occasionally hitting people with a chair when the ref isn’t looking? I know there are a lot of bigger issues here, it just seems like a fun role for you and I smile whenever I picture it. Take your time and do whatever ya gotta do. Good luck.
It's what I was doing before I became a full wrestler, so it's definitely an option. I've considered returning to management or doing ring announcing, which I've also had some experience with. That said, I can't say I've not become a bit jaded about the scene, so I may make it a clean break.
My human body has been demonstrating its frailty recently as well, so I agree that living in one sucks shit. Please be careful! As for a rebrand or the show coming back, do whatever brings you joy. Again, as long as I am alive and my money still works, I'm happy to keep sending my little tithes, even if your entire creative output was reduced to one BFS every year or so. Remain your beautiful self and fuck the fascists!
Excited to see your rebrand and triumphant return, but also glad things are going well in the interim for the most part! Keep on killing it at all you do.
Thanks for the update, Steph! Two books, multiple games, a podcast, two wrestling events, moving house, and more is A LOT - a lot, a lot. Btw, your writing of Barry in Date Everything made my sister cry. 🫶💜 AuDHD for the win. Congrats on getting your wheels! Every tool that helps with pain, accessibility, and independence is a win in my book. And "really leaning into having a channel that’s both completely dead and unable to die" sounds Punk, and I am here for that! It’s going to be a lot of fun. Love to you, Phee, and the rest of the team and family! 💜🍀🥄🥄🥄🥄❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🖤🤎🩵🩷🩶♿♾️
Thank you! Whenever I hear that Barry made someone cry, my heart swells a little. It's been so fucking amazing to see how much people saw themselves with Barry, and how seen he made them feel. I'll never get over how proud I am of that character.
I really think a rebrand is a great idea and that the timing is indeed right for it. I’ve missed the videos and would love to see a return that better embraces and lifts up Stephanie - bring a tad bit of closure to the transition. Keep working on you!
Glad to hear! I've been missing you on Mondays. Take your time and we'll all be super excited when you return.
Concering the reviews: wonderful work, entertaining to read even if I don't care about the game being covered. Please continue. Concerning the rebrand: please tell me this means you'll do Chains of Love again in some new form, seeing Bethesda is Bethetic get an update made me giggle enthusaistically and I'd love to see some of the other silliness get an update to fit with your upgraded identity Concerning the hiatus: I entirely believe you when you say the Jimquisition will continue and cannot die, and I believed that before you spoke up, but I also want to assure you that if we never get another episode you are still amazing and gave your entire audience a decade of entertainment, advocacy, fury and love. You might owe it to yourself to continue because you have more you want to do, but you don't owe it to us. You have paid your dues.
So glad to hear you’re doing relatively well! Can’t wait to see what the new branding will look like for the show ❤️
Love you, Steph, happy to hear good news. I really need to go up north to see you wrestle at some point! Take care, your health comes first xxx