State of Sterling: The Write Moves
Hello there patrons wot do a patronage of my work!
I hope you are all doing as well as can be expected in this horror show of a world. Despite how scary things are, especially as as a queer person, I’ve been feeling lucky and I do intend to rub that luck in the face of those who wish to see us not thrive.
As y’all may know (because I’ve not been quiet about it), I’m very much enjoying a new lease of professional life as a game writer, with a career that’s rapidly expanded this past year. As well as my continuing to write for Vampire Survivors, last month saw the release of Date Everything and Quantum Witch, marking the first publication of my proper narrative writing.
Both games have had great receptions, and Date Everything is doing extremely well. I’ve been blown away by how people reacted to the specific work I did, with TikTok falling in love with DE’s Barry Styles and streamers laughing their asses off at my QW dialogue.
It’s been incredibly validating, especially seeing people who have no idea of my involvement or don’t know who I am reacting so well. There’s something “objective” about that, seeing the writing itself judged purely for what it is. It’s the same reason I like dating people who haven’t heard of me 😁.
I gotta say, it’s fucking fantastic to feel like my career is on such a positive track again. Even more wonderfully, I’m doing my dream job. Despite writing being such a huge part of my life, I never dared attempt the kind of writing I always wanted to do. I had many ideas, even wrote them down sometimes, but I was too afraid I’d suck if I made a serious attempt at it. Especially having been a media critic for so long, there’s a particular pressure to “walk the walk,” however perceived that pressure may be.
You may find some angry review commenters who’ll say I’ve written plenty of fiction already, but I’m legit doing it, and I love it.
I’ve always wanted to tell stories. It’s why I became a wrestler, though sadly I never got to tell the stories I wanted with that career and I don’t think I’ve enough time left on the clock. I’m actually telling stories now though, enough to where it can be full-time work, and in a way that directly contributes to the medium I’ve spent a lifetime covering. Not only that, I’m doing it well!
Maybe I’ll make my own game someday. I’d be lying if I said there wasn’t already groundwork, but don’t hold your breath. I’m realistic enough to not bank on a project that lofty seeing the light of day.
A few weeks ago I announced I’m co-writing Vampire Survivors: The Grimoire, an official lore book for the game. Initially I was involved as an editor and consultant, but I provided some additional material that was so well liked I got bumped up to author status. I’m writing alongside Paul Davies, who has been terrific to work with. I think fans are going to be immensely surprised by what I’ve come up with for the book, and pleasantly so. It’ll be a hell of a book.
It’s also not the only book project I’m attached to.
Life ain’t all roses. I’m dealing with a hurried house move because my landlord tried to jack up the rent to £2000 a month. I shit you not. She’d been creeping toward it, and had me over a barrel in a wholly unfair lease, but she pushed it way too far with such a thoroughly laughable rate. She doesn’t even respond to important maintenance requests for as much as she expects, and now she gets to deal with the results of her negligence - they’re not my problem anymore.
I expect her to blame me for the water damage, but I’ve got the receipts demonstrating how only one of us gave a shit about the long-term effects of ignoring faulty plumbing, and it wasn’t her. Even by landlord standards, the cheapness and avarice has been remarkable.
This month in particular is chaos. On top of the move, I’m soon about to return to the ring for the first time in ages with a sequel to one of the UK’s most iconic matches, Commander Sterling vs. Kidd Bandit for True Grit in Leeds on July 18th. I’ve also gotta get a fuckton of dental work done at some point, and I have a bunch of plates to spin with family stuff too.
As if that wasn’t enough, last Thursday provided an additional spanner in the works with my back blowing out. Literally on the day my comeback match was announced, the spinal hernia relapsed and knocked me utterly incapable. I was very genuinely worried I’d be in for a long one, possibly missing my match, because it felt like a really bad flare up. I’ve done a lot of crying and screaming these past few days.
You literally never get used to pure nerve pain, and to feel it so constantly is a unique hell.
Fortunately, with aggressive physio and obstinate audacity I’m better at ironing the backbone bulge out of myself than I used to be, and as of Monday afternoon it began receding. I’m still hurting a lot but I’m mobile again and improving steadily as the hours go by. I think I’ll be back to normal in a few more days. Huge relief, because the idea of being trapped in that state long-term again is the single most terrifying thought I could have.
Nevertheless, this recent flare up has prompted me to finally acquire a wheelchair. I don’t plan on needing it full time any day soon, but it was a smart item to get, and partial use is something I’ll have to start adapting to.
With the writing career keeping me busy, exhaustion from injury, and the stress of a move coming up, the time has finally come to break the streak of “never miss a Monday.” My goal was always to hit ten years of The Jimquisition and I did that last November, so I feel relatively comfortable taking my first break from the show in a decade.
Relatively is the key word - it still feels weird as a concept, and I’m worried about letting people down or disappointing anyone for whom the show’s dependability meant something. I know some people have really counted on it as a part of their week.
At the same time, ten and a half years without a break is immense, and I should practice what I preach about overworking. Also, I’ll be perfectly candid with y’all, as you always deserve honesty - on a purely selfish note, I want to demonstrate that I don’t need the fucked up demon platform that is YouTube.
I do want to make videos for you and obviously the stability of income from this Patreon has been a godsend for which I’m eternally thankful, but going a while without feeling bound to that fuckawful website and taking time to build a career wholly independent of the show is an opportunity I’ve long awaited. Even at the height of my success on that platform it was a huge detriment to my mental health. Surviving utterly in spite of its algorithm, ad revenue, and all the things that fuck with other creators is what’s kept my morale up.
Y’know though, the channel no longer even has basic viability and yet I’m still operating a viable business through it. Say what you like about me, I’ve continued to succeed through a literal failure, and I’ve done it without ever giving in to sponsorship deals, censoring myself, or jumping through all of Daddy YouTube’s hoops. I’ve never had to say “unalive” or some other cutesy term for serious shit (I’ve got a video in the works on that kind of awfulness).
You have allowed me that freedom. Your Patreon support fueled that success entirely. I succeeded because you decided I would succeed.
That became far more of a tangent than planned. Basically, YouTube as a platform is quite genuinely fucking abusive, and sending the mental message to myself that I can choose to step away at my discretion is an important readjustment of my perspective.
I do still intend to earn my keep. I’ll continue to publish reviews and record Podquisition. I also don’t plan to be gone for super long, and Zilla has suggested the idea of us putting together holdover material as well to keep you entertained. I will of course keep y’all abreast of whatever’s going on.
As I said on Monday’s episode, the show will be on its sabbatical after the next video. Once the dust settles from moving and I’ve hit the next milestone with my book projects, I’ll kick videos back up, and I will still have stuff for you in the meantime. I’m currently working on a Cyberpunk 2077: Ultimate Edition review, by the by.
It’s my sincerest hope that you don’t feel in any way let down by my taking the time to focus on other things for a bit. You all are why and how I’ve been able to keep going without a single compromise, based on no other factor than sheer belief in the work I do. That is to say, doing right by y’all is important to me.
Some of you have commented in the past that you’d be happy to see me take a break, which is another reason I’m comfortable doing so. If at all you feel like I’m not doing enough, however, I will take that absolutely seriously.
As always, thank you so much. I quite literally could not have gotten where I am without you. Thank you for deciding I would succeed.
Take care and talk soon,
Stephanie.
Comments (78)
I think taking a break from the videos could be a good thing. Doing the same thing too much can be draining. I'd rather see new videos when you get an unstoppable urge to say something, instead of feeling like you have to find a topic because of an arbitrary schedule.
is a great time to join your patreon and binge you 10 year backlog! rest well , do you ~ thank you so much for your time :D
I am happy for you. Your content has been super-informative and also inspiring. Love to have you around and see you succeed in a better place than youtube
For me, patreon is about supporting creators, not a specific project, so you've got my support for whatever you wanna do. Maybe some videos on writing for videogames! That could be cool!
You deserve a break. I love the videos, they’re how I ended up here, but the timeframe and frequency aren’t that important - maybe it’s time to relax the schedule, even when you’re back at it again.
Steph, will there be a pause on the Podcast? 😢 Wish you the best of luck. Much ♥️. ✌️
We are all glad to see you doing so well, and you've worked so hard for so long, a break is well deserved. We'll all be here when you get back, take as much time as you need both for your other writing gigs, and for yourself.
Taking a break is a great idea! For me my support here is more for the work you've already done than the work you continue to do. Particularly Podquisition has gotten me through some of the hardest periods of my life and quite literally kept me (relatively) sane at times! Eternally grateful for you and your colleagues. Good luck with the move <3
Congratulations on the writing achievements! Time off and self-care are essential, please get all the radical rest you need!
You deserve to take a break! Crunch is bad whatever the job! I'm glad you've got so much positive stuff going on of late, and I'm very much looking forward to seeing where things go from here.
It is good to know, that you are taking care of yourself. Enjoy your break!
I started giving You (and others) $ on this site specifically so You could do what the hell You want and not worry about most of the BS related to this way of making a living. Thank god for You.
It it too warm in the UK to do anything right now. I hope you can get AC at a replacement place.
Take care of you!! Have you considered talking to the Dropout folks or Nebula for video content?
You're awesome. Have a good rest from the video life!
Nothing really to add to what anyone else has said. Delighted for your professional success. Take care of yourself as best you can. Looking forward to continued top-tier content. And the Landlord Mindset is genuinely messed up. Hope the move goes as smoothly as it can!
One should never feel let down by an author taking time for their mental and physical health (ok, maybe a "Dangit! No new episode!" is allowed). Your well-being is and should remain the first priority. (Also I remember what moving houses is like, so yeah, take all you need).
Dearest Stephanie, It is with great joy I see you taking a break from your video series. I have followed you since your early days at the Escapist (I believe the first video I saw was on Perfect Pasta Sauces if that rings a bell) and I have been enraptured by your wit and sincerity since day one. I remember the shock I felt when you left that site and was very quick to follow your independent work. You never stopped being clever and heartfelt in your writing and you truly got me out of my earlier toxic behaviors when it came to gaming. You even were instrumental in accepting my queerness. Though just a Patron in California who has never seen you in person, I truly consider you to be a hallmark in my growth as a person. I wish you all the best in future endeavors, even if it means one day no longer seeing your videos. Take all the time you need! Much love, Connor/Kara
Barry is a wonder. I'm thrilled to see you doing more of what you love.
Just had a good chuckle with the VS bestiary earlier. Awesome to hear you'll be an author on the grim as well. You're not letting anyone down. Do what you need to do for you. We ain't going nowhere!
You're doing great steph. Always a joy to listen to the videos or podcast. But you haven't taken a break ever. That's unfair to yourself, and this sounds like an excellent move. If I were to give any feedback, I miss movie boys. However at this point I assume it will never come back, even if you think of an awesome new name to give it.
Dr.Demento's retiring and you're taking a well deserved break. At least you'll be coming back.
You do what you need to do, while the show takes a break the creator juice still flows and I'll be here to see how you shape your legend.
As someone who has spent a grand total of $1 per month, I both take *full* credit for all of your recent successes as an author, and also feel like I'm getting my complete monies worth without a weekly video. Take your time, take a break, looking forward to your eventual return to youtube, but don't care if you never do.
You've given me literally years and years and years of laughs for next to nothing on my part! I'm proud to support you in every way that I can and you definitely deserve a break!
If you have an opportunity to pursue other passions or writing projects then go for it. You've been putting out at least a video week for years and you deserve to take a break from the grind. Go forth and do your thing.
You deserve to take a break! Crunch is bad whatever the job! I'm glad you've got so much positive stuff going on of late, and I'm very much looking forward to seeing where things go from here.
Absolutely thrilled for you! Take all the time you need.
Steph you have a SPINAL HERNIA, take some time off! The people who matter won't mind and the people who mind don't matter. I'm so happy you're doing well in spite of all the struggles you have to deal with both personally and professionally. You're good people. Keep on keeping on, I'm not going anywhere.
We all need a break sometimes. Look after yourself!
You deserve the break you gorgeous legend. Can't wait to see what you got in the works. Thank god for you.
Take all the breaks you need!
Firstly, thank you for everything you've done sp far Steph. You deserve every bit of rest and more! I think I've said it before but your content has been educational for me in more way then one. English is not my first language and your content has been an abundant source of new vocabulary for me. You've helped me in may other ways as well. So than you again for everything! Take care of yourself and when you get back on that hell platform, I'll be there to cheer you on!
Dear Stephanie, you have been far more consistent that anyone could demand of you all along this time, and that's a fact. You are entitled and deserve a good rest to keep yourself well and be able to do what you want to do and to succeed. I have no doubt I won't be the only one waiting for you to come back.
I admire you Steph. Being so blatantly and publicly correct while receiving so much hate from such awful people is more than I could endure. I feel like paying you a small amount from my discretionary spending is the LEAST I can do for all the good you put into the internet and maybe in a small way to help counteract all the bad that’s happening in the world.
Congratulations on your success Steph! Get some rest!
As someone who has been a fan since EARLY Escapist days (and had seen the Destructoid era around the same time), you deserve a break because it has been closer to 13 years of NEVER missing a week.
Love ya dearly, Steph. You’ve been a massive part of my love for this hobby since Escapist and you’ve helped me through really bleak times. I’ll always continue to support and wholly back you taking as much time off as you need. Carry on, Commander. And thank you.
All I would say is that when you come back to YouTube make something you enjoy because it's really obvious when your heart isn't in it. The past few years of videos have been much better because of that and I hope most patrons here would prefer to see you make fewer videos you're passionate about rather than a string of videos where the grind is on full show. You're not beholden to the algorithm. Please mind your back too, crap timing as is life, but know your limits, the fans would probably prefer if you didn't have to endure future crippling pain on their behalf, you know your body best, listen to it. Wishing you all the best.
I'm here to see you succeed. That means taking care of yourself and taking breaks, too
Any chance you might ask the creatives you've been working with if they might try to release their games outside of Steam? I'd love to enjoy them, but they're not releasing on GOG. Get some money funneled to them and thence to you. But breaks, breaks are good!
Sadly I don’t think I have much of a say outside of my little creative bubbles. Certainly nothing wrong with getting on GOG though, so hopefully it’s a matter of time.
Take that break! The only thing I DEMAND (just kidding of course) is more Jonathon. That's right lovers of Boston's Favorite Son still exist and need to be satiated.... But seriously awesome stuff. Always love seeing your work in any form.
I live for my next shot of Jonathan.
My wife has various sorts of chronic pain; don't EVER feel like you can't take a break or make use of mobility aids as needed. I had no idea your YouTube was not viable- the abuse and other horseshit, sure, that's Big Tech, but I figured you were making *some* kind of money off it. If you ever felt like digging into it, I'd love to hear more about that angle. Good luck with the move. Housing is a human right, fuck landlords, etc.
Oh yeah, the channel is totally dead. If I relied on it for income in any way I’d be destitute, haha. Between losing a ton of subs after I came out, getting algorithmically buried, and producing nothing but ad-unfriendly content, the channel is dead by every standard metric. It’s only used as a host for the videos, it’s not something I try to grow anymore. The show is 100% funded by patrons. While the channel is dead, the show has proven death proof. By existing on the site in a way that’s totally independent of its metrics, I have been operating one hell of a zombie.
The video every Monday is one of the highlights of my week, but I don't enjoy things if I know someone's suffering to produce it. Take your absurdly well earned break without guilt, hope everything with moving etc goes well
Taking a break is important. Glad you're getting writing stuff in and it being loved. I do some RPG stuff and while the bad reviews or hate is tiring, the love is amazing every time. Take as much time as you need to stretch your wings!
You deserve it! I might miss the show for a little while but it would be far worse to miss out on all your potential future work due to burnout.
Steph, I feel like you've definitely earned a break after your frankly astonishing and commendable streak of consistent Monday uploads ("Monday is Coming"). Wish you the absolute best for the move, and hope that things are as painless as possible with getting out of that awful situation and that you have (and take) time to sufficiently rest. We fans'll be here waiting for ya when you get back. Only (up/down)side is no more Murder Basement(tm).
Been watching your videos since at least the "Movie Defense Force" era. You've been delivering on so many projects for so long, even while moving internationally, that if anyone deserves a hiatus you definitely have
You deserve a break, Steph. Take care, find the best way to bring what you love to the world.
Been waiting for this since the big 1-0. Speaking for myself as a long time watcher, I have really enjoyed the reliability of Monday, and it's definitely a bittersweet thing to see the era end now. But it's sweeter than bitter. You've accomplished amazing things this last decade and more, and during it all your voice of reason has been absolutely vital in the noise of the industry and capitalism at large. These days there are entire concepts of ethics about how the sausage gets made that have become pretty mainstream, and I think you played no small part in that. It's an unenviable role to be placed in Cassandra's shoes, and beholding you survive and thrive in spite of everything has been truly inspiring. As a fellow disabled person, you've also had a strong impact on my perspective on life. I've fallen prey to the "you can't do this and shouldn't even try" mentality in the past, and it's been amazing and motivating seeing you showing how bullshit that is. And I know that this isn't forever (or even really a slowing down, rather than a change of activities). We've definitely not seen the last of you and I am really excited to see all you do going forward. Never forget, you're stephanie goddamn sterlingson, and I for one intend to continue to thank god for you. Rest up good.
Thank you so much 💛💛💛💛💛
Glad to hear you're getting out of that place - having a bad landlord is just one more thing in the way of having good mental health, so better to move on than to be stuck there. As for missing a day - about time! My fiance and I who've been watching for a decade thought you were going to celebrate the ten year anniversary by taking a day off honestly. We were surprised and maybe even a bit worried when you didn't Take good care of yourself! and Have fun out there!
Please take a break! You're one of the few Patreons I haven't paused even through bouts of unemployment. Get some R&R Steph. You have more than earned it.
This is a completely understandable move. Honestly, I'd be worried if this heaping pile of circumstances DIDN'T warrant a break! I know you've been able to keep the videos going for an incredibly long time. That's admirable, but it's also admirable to take good care of yourself. A break 100% falls under that. I support you on Patreon because I value your opinions and contributions, and self-care is also necessary for that to be in any way sustainable. (Edit, because I hit Enter when I shouldn't have:) So yeah, I am in no way disappointed. All I am is proud--proud of all that you've accomplished, and of all that you WILL accomplish. Also, fuck that landlord.
Thank you 😊 and oh my god that enter key thing is annoying right!?
Take a break, have a rest and if you have time ponder what you want to do long term with the channel. You've earned a rest so make sure you have enough time to deal with business you're in on and still get actual rest time in there as well.
Like many others, all for you taking the time off you need. Almost every creator I support on Patreon has needed a break, and anyone with a brain understands that constantly creating with no interruption for creative recharge isn't going to result in anyone being happy. Glad to see you're achieving success in ways that energize you, and hope that continues in the future!
You ABSOLUTELY deserve to take a break! My God 10 straight years of never missing a Monday, even when you're in the hospital! You've proven your work ethics 1000x over, and you literally deserve to take a break! I do hope we still get a PodQ, even if it's only Laura and Conrad!! PodQ is my favorite part of the week ngl! ̶I̶ ̶d̶o̶ ̶m̶i̶s̶s̶ ̶S̶p̶i̶n̶-̶o̶f̶f̶ ̶D̶o̶c̶t̶o̶r̶s̶ ̶t̶h̶o̶u̶g̶h̶!̶!̶!̶ You do amazing work! I hope your move goes as smooth as it can! Fuck your landlord! But not really, they're a landlord, and that would be gross :)
Do whatever you need to do, Steph, we'll be here!
No worries, take all the time you need to focus on the more important things going on in your life.
"Crunch" should describe what you do to opponents in the ring, not how you have to work. :)
Few breaks will have been as well-earned as this one. 10 years is a hell of a run.
Godspeed Commander! And enjoy your rest!
Enjoy that well earned and long overdue break Steph.
You have always had the 'just a dollar' attitude, which has long left much of Patreon. So, it makes it so easy to keep supporting. On top of that, you deserve a break, of course, and I hope your able to make great use of your break from the video content. So much enjoyment for so many years, and although I'm not into wrestling, I've enjoyed your exploration of it, the stories, and would probably come to a gig if I wasn't a horrible southerner, being no where near where you perform. All the best
One of my biggest complaints ot Patreon is how it constantly nags at me to send more money by emailing me that a creator did something, only to open the email and get blasted with "you can only see this if you increase your tier." Patreon, just let me send my $1-$2 to people and leave me alone. I mention that in response because Steph's Patreon page with the one "put in whatever you want" never nags me. This is how Patreon should be as far as I'm concerned.
Been watching you weekly since the Mighty No. 9 video and I'm still shocked at how much you accomplished while maintaining the weekly schedule. I love your video game writing and I wish you a restful break.
I hope you both enjoy the break (as weird as it may feel to do that) and the writing career. I haven't had a chance to read your writing in Vampire Survivors, DE, or QW, but I bet it's sharply funny
I don't think I've ever commented on a post/video of yours but have been watching since your early escapist days. And all I have to say is congrats on everything you're still getting my pledge even if you scale back.
You beat your personally set goal, you’ve got new opportunities, you’ve got life changing events going on. Do what you need to, you’ve earned it.
SO happy that things are turning around and you are comfortable stepping away from Youtube for awhile. Ten years is an immaculate streak!
Enjoy the break, Stephanie! You deserve it!
I like to think if we're still here on the Patreon, we're all pretty ride or die for you Steph, so take as long of a break as you need.
Take of yourself Steph! We all love your work but we love YOU more so please do everything you need to protect your health! Thank you for being so honest, I hope the break is good for you!
Hell yeah Steph