Cognitive Retro Encabulator Script

I've had a number of people request the script for my Cognitive Retro Encabulator video ("MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENT: I'm Leaving Atheism"). So I thought I'd make that a patron-only  treat available only to the Mister's elect. NOTE: There are eclipses and strange capitalizations which help me in terms of the performance (and pronunciations, in this case). This is not necessarily how I'd write this if I were simply "writing" it. 

Enjoy this free Patreon exclusive! B

P.S.: Forgive any typus. Spell check couldn't deal with this script.

Throughout my late twenties and into my thirties, I found myself completely obsessed with philosophy… which I ultimately found unsatisfying once I became aware of my own intuitively conspicuous leanings towards a more empirical approach to life’s big questions. My career here on YouTube these past 16 plus years has been a function of that awareness.

What I was unaware of until very recently, were the monumental leaps forward made in the last quarter century by a number of professional philosophers — such as Alvin Plantinga, Richard Swinburn, Josh Rasmussen, and William Lane Craig. Somewhat shamefully, I must admit to being unconditionally ignorant of the quantum leaps such thinkers have invented since... in terms of our ability to say things, and rigidly assert, with or without applicable warrant.

Thus, I come to you today to announce my departure from atheism and my intention to rejoin the various theistic communities I’ve been mocking here on YouTube for nearly two decades. I know this will come as a shock to many of you. Many of you will undoubtedly be disappointed. But I’m hoping you’ll take the next few minutes to hear me out so that you can understand my reasoning — whether or not you ultimately agree.

The peer-reviewed paper published in the Semi-National Journal of Religious Philosophy, which caused this paradigm shift in my own thinking is called, “Cognitive Retro Encabulation of the Philotheistic Dialectic and its Restructurative Transcendence of Omni-Atheological Objection.” It’s co-authored by Plantinga, Swinburn, Rasmussen, and Craig.

The paper demonstrates how the use of a cognitive retro encabulator can be actualized in conjunction with prefamulated ratiological phase detractors to make verbalistic promulgation impregnable. This then provides definitive and incontroversial defeaters to the arguments employed by the likes of Dawkins, Harris, Hitchens, and Dennett, which rely heavily on the panendermic capacitive reluctance of those insisting on evidential depleneration for theistic trilateral-phased encabulation of a causally finite regression of the space-time coefficient and the collapse of the wave function.

This understanding makes it possible to transcend both the cosmotheistic and sinsusoil depleneration of more traditional theodicies which refer only to macroscoptic transubstantialism. Especially those relying on cartesian modial interaction, which is syncratially vulnerable to the kind of ambiphasian cognitivism Descartes himself rejected. Even without embracing reformed epistemology!

Philosophical and theological arguments thus become immune to both tremmypipe side fumbling, and capacitive duractants — as well as Leggett’s inequality. Even from those insisting on an evidentialistic postfamulated high Christology. Defeaters to all detractification can then be instantiated simply by the verbistic assertation of the verbositor, wholly without regard to any kind of hydrenic or marselvian jusTIFicollation.

This elevates verbosity beyond immediate and eventual reproachification. Even IN the face of a total dearth of evidentially confirmative differentials. The efficiency of this cognitive retro encabulation can be exponentially represented if the verbositor has access to a turbo encabulator and has experienced multi-annual institutionalization within a logorhythmic casing, often referred to as an... UniverSITY. This efficiency can then ALSO... be doubled and even quadrupled by the unilateral optophase detraction caused by a wall of books, or the wearing of tweed.

To put this simply, the cognitive retro encabulator can transform mere claims into factoidally robust proHIBitrators of skepticular anxietization. Assertations made by properly basic and fully credentialed verbositors are thus definOPTically veracitive presuppositionally... even in the face of epistemic malification. Of course this effect is proscriptively secured by the semi-boloid slots of the receiver's emotionactic preferentialism, predispositionally embraced with or without encabulation. Obviously!

This makes God’s existification not just axiomatic, but restantious on both the spervatic and odetoidal planes — ontoliciously. Revealing Einstein’s equations to be refrictively obvious to anyone with half a brain. Which is why I can no longer call myself... an atheist.

My prevoracious demands for evidence of the supernatural realm and the supernatural claims made within the various Holy Books must yield in light of these new arguments which demonstrate the superIODal indemnifaCALsiitranse of philosophy, argumentation, and the dialectic — which not only denecessitates all evidential requantifiers, but thoughoughly premambifates them... precandigiously once you give it a moment’s thought.

If you have questifications, please leave them in the comments and I will retransificate as time permits. Once again, I’m me. Thanks for watching.