WOTM: Mormon Temple Rituals

I think you already know that I would wax pedantic on this subject. I'll copy-and-paste from a post that I uploaded several years ago in response to MSNBC's "Mormon in America" broadcast. Brian Williams asks about the temple: “What goes on in there?” Inactive member Abby Huntsman replies: “Nothing crazy.” Oh... really? There is nothing crazy about the costumes, pantomines, role playing, covenants, chants, the veil to enter heaven, sacred handshakes, new names and passwords, threats from “Satan,” let alone the now conveniently dropped “penalties” of slitting your throat, cutting open your chest, disembowling yourself? I daresay that, if Williams were able to actually witness an endowment session, he would readily conclude that the adjective does, indeed, apply: the whole thing is as nutty as squirrel poo. And not one mention of how Joseph Myth purloined the ritual from the Masons! Not one! Oooops. Then the discussion moves on to the temple garments, and gives the impression that they are just odd underwear, without pointing out anything about the masonic symbols —the compass, the square, the straight edge, etc.— embroidered into the fabric over the breasts, navel, and knee. Huh. Nothing “crazy” here: just move along, folks. Then there was the topic of baptism for the dead. The only point here was to reassure viewers that Mormons no longer baptize holocaust victims. Riiiight...! No discussion about the broader implications, such as the fact that millions of human beings have lived and died without leaving any written records of their existence whatsoever, and thus all that genealogy to get “everyone” baptized is futile. And somehow they just forgot to mention that they also vicariously perform those same temple endowments and sealings, including polygamous marriages, for the deceased whose records they do manage to find and duplicate. Why doesn’t anyone even ask what kind of anal retentive deity would demand such physical rites and rituals in the first place? One can well imagine the results for Judgment Day. “What? You were born a Tehuelche Indian in pre-Colombian times? A slave in the Roman Empire? The concubine of a Chinese ruler during the Ming Dynasty? The illegitimate daughter of a Viking invader? Oops. No celestial kingdom for you!”

Thanks! I always wondered. I didn't stay in the church long enough to get a Temple Recommend (apparently my entrance confession set them on their heels a bit). I'd love to hear more. I only stayed around to learn of the Holy underwear which I would "get" to wear. Erg.

I am not a Formon, but I have heard of Baptism of the Dead. I wasn't familiar with the other rituals, though. And you left out the holy underwear. I gotta know more about the holy underwear!

Gosh, bat shit crazy rituals in church! Who would have guessed? At least they din't insist on people becoming cannibals by eating someone's blood and body. Now that would be really weird.

3 hour church? I can't believe how woefully out of touch you are. In an astounding show of modern-day revelation, most Mormons only go to TWO hours of meetings every Sunday (not counting callings, home teaching, administrative duties, and mandatory voluntary chapel cleaning.) #thechurchistrue

It’s fair to ask if the brain doesn’t survive death, after all, for many gullible people it doesn’t survive life.