Book 3: Chapter 35 - A Crack in Her Armor

Nothing fosters cowardice quite so well as confidence.
The more certain a man is of his own supremacy,
the more terrified he is of anything that might challenge that perception.
—Karen Gresham

“How's that? Is your head feeling any better?” Angelo asked. 

Violet blinked a couple of times, then exhaled through her nose. When she was satisfied, she met Angelo's eyes. “Much,” she confirmed. She'd been fine before, of course. But Angelo was acting grumpy after their experience in the nest. She tried to drag a man into the earth one time, and he sulked the rest of the damn day. That being the case, she decided against admitting to the lie she'd used to bring him there. She needed every advantage if she wanted him to do as she said.

“There's nothing about my healing that's... upsetting?” Angelo prodded. 

Violet blinked. They were sitting in her tent, facing each other, and Angelo still had his hands over hers. Her green necklace hummed against her chest, ensuring their words would be private. The orange light of his talent was fading, and she realized there was a nervous tremor in his fingers. That was unexpected. She pulled her hands away and examined her palms, flipping them and looking at the backs. Then she curled one into a fist and gently knocked it against her head.

“Nope. Everything seems to be working right,” she assured him. “Why? Did something go wrong?”

Angelo shook his head immediately, but she could tell he was relieved about something. She almost pressed for more information, but decided against it. She'd have time for that later. “I was just making sure; nothing to worry about,” he lied. 

“Well, that's a relief,” Violet replied with a sigh. “How is everyone else doing? Terry? It was pretty scary in there.”

“I'm sorry,” he blurted out. Violet held a smile on her face, even as she colored it with confusion.

“I, uh. I forgive you?” she replied.

“For dropping you. In the nest. I... I didn't know what to do. It was a split-second decision, and I regretted it the second it happened. If Guy hadn't shown up when he did, you'd be...” He trailed off.

Violet had actually forgotten about that. And hearing it now, it was funny enough that she almost let out a laugh. “Oh. Oh, don't worry about it. I was honestly dragging you down. And you had Terry to worry about. I get it,” she dismissed. 

“Well, I don't,” Angelo countered. “I'm supposed to be leading us, and I almost let you die. I can't let that happen again.”

“And you won't,” Violet promised. “Everyone makes mistakes in their first nest. I... I let someone die, too, for the same reason. And no one came to save me from my mistakes. But the next time? The next time, I saved everyone. It just takes time and experience.”

“There's not going to be a next time,” Angelo denied. “Not on this trip. It became more than clear that we aren't equipped to do this. We're going to die if we go anywhere near that nest again. I'm calling it. We're going home.”

Violet bit her lip and looked toward the flap of the tent. “You're probably right,” she admitted. She refused to, like the obscured landscape was easier to look at than the angel in front of her.

“Thank God you agree,” Angelo sighed. “I was worried your team would fight me on it. But we have to know when something is beyond us.”

“But a lot of other people are going to die if we don't do this,” Violet continued. She looked back and met the boy's eyes. “They sent us out here for a reason, Angelo. This nest might not be that close to a settlement. But it's close enough. And there isn't enough clarity to support a yellow nest in this part of the country. If we leave it alone? A town is going to be destroyed.”

Angelo froze. He took a sharp breath, then shook his head. “But we can't stop that, Violet. We aren't strong enough. I get what you're saying, but we weren't the team they should have sent! If we try this, we will die! And that town dies! If we go home, they send someone else! Someone stronger!” he insisted.

Violet rested her elbow on one knee. She used that hand to support her chin as she looked back at the entrance. “You're from a small town, too, aren't you?” she asked. 

“I am,” the seraphim admitted.

“Wasn't anything happening in the mist when you left? There was for me. A green nest forming near a mostly red settlement. I've heard a lot of stories like that since coming to Prism. Even before this mission. The news doesn't really talk about it, but there are rumors all over school, aren't there? I think the mist is growing more dangerous again,” she mused.

Angelo was quiet for a long moment. “Yeah. Yes. I'm familiar,” he agreed. 

“I don't know why our team was sent. The green dorm has enough students who could have done this, and the yellow dorm has more. But we were the ones who are here. And I don't know if we can risk going back. The mist is getting more dangerous. The other students could already be dispatched somewhere even worse. And in the time it takes us to return and get a new team sent? The nest could turn into a swarm. We have to try,” Violet insisted.

Angelo had a sense of dawning panic on his face with each word Violet spoke. He shook his head again. “We can't do it, Violet. I can't do it...” he whispered.

“Probably not. But I can't live with blood on my hands, either. I'd rather risk my life than someone else's. And I think you understand that,” Violet pushed.

Angelo bit his lip. “What do I do? I don't know what to do! How do I keep everyone alive? Tell me there is something I can do!” he practically begged.

Violet reached out and grabbed his shoulder with one hand. “I did see... one thing,” she replied. 

“What?” he pleaded. The word was sudden and sharp, like a gasp for breath.

“It'll be easier to show you. Just you, for now. I don't want to drag anyone else into this. But... if you'll meet me on the other side of the school in half an hour or so, I think I can show you a way out of this,” she tried.

“What? I don't understand,” he started, but Violet held one hand up to stop him.

“It's impossible to explain here, and I don't want anyone following us and getting hurt. So I'd rather not elaborate until we have more privacy. But I saw it while I was scouting and... it will only risk two people, instead of everyone. And I think it has a pretty decent chance of success, actually,” she explained.

Angelo looked confused, but desperation smothered the emotion in favor of hope. “Really?” he asked one final time. Like he knew the promise made no sense. Some part of his mind was clearly trying to reason through what Violet was saying. And he knew it didn't line up. Why she hadn’t mentioned this mysterious tactic before now. What required visual confirmation to make sense. But he was scared, and he wanted to believe her.

Which was all Violet needed. “Really,” she promised. It was just a little white lie. And Angelo drank it in like water.

“Half an hour, you said?”

The camp was fucking sad. The mauve mist and yellow crystal were far more colorful and animated than anyone sitting around the fire. It made Violet uncomfortable. The bare minimum she expected from her team was to be less depressing than the literal apocalypse. Yet Aubrey was brooding away from the fire, and Guy was off sulking in his tent. Kiera was asleep, according to Angelo, which explained it to a degree. With Guy throwing a tantrum, Kiera was the only one who might’ve been willing to lighten the mood. And the fox had chosen that moment to sleep.

But Violet was about to wake her up, so that would solve that problem. The reaper needed an alibi while she was handling Angelo, and Kiera would provide that.

Violet made her way to Kiera’s tent and ducked inside. She paused for a moment when she got there. The moment she saw Kiera, she realized it might have been the first time she’d actually seen the fox sleeping. Kiera always stayed up a little after Violet went to sleep. And Kiera always woke Violet up in the morning. The kitsune never seemed to sleep at all. Yet ironically, Kiera’s ability to dismiss all the uncomfortable moping had left her as the only person able to sleep now.

Yet, looking at her friend’s face, Violet felt a bit guilty. Kiera seemed to be twitching a bit. Kicking her feet in her sleeping bag like a dreaming cat. Her ears were flat, and the cumbersome tail stretched the large bag around her. Worst of all was her face, contorted into an expression of pain and fear. Kiera was definitely having some kind of nightmare, and that made Violet’s stomach twist. She understood, at least. She had horrible dreams every night herself. And like Kiera, she banished them as soon as she woke up. But for some reason, it was more upsetting to see someone else having the same experience.

She’d come to accept that good people only existed in stories. She’d even found herself enjoying her work more when she frightened people. The control behind the fear she caused was refreshing, like a bite of fresh fruit. But maybe it was because she had nightmares, too. She couldn’t help but feel upset to know someone she liked was having nightmares.

She took a knee by the squirming fox and gently jostled one shoulder. She needed Kiera’s help, for one. But she also wanted to free her from whatever scenario was playing out in her mind. Kiera jolted awake immediately, and Violet recognized Guy’s regular panic in the fox’s weary eyes. Worse, Kiera took several seconds to recognize the reaper hovering over her. And when she did?

The unfettered fear only grew in intensity, flooding from her eyes and digging its claws into a trembling jaw. 

A moment later, just as Kiera’s breathing was growing short and panicked, a calm settled over her face. She lifted herself up on one side and rubbed tired eyes before grinning at Violet.

“Hey, babe,” she greeted. “Glad to see you all patched up. What time is it?”

Violet didn’t move for several seconds. She couldn’t get that flash of fear out of her head. That moment of panic, not soothed by Violet’s visage, but caused by it. The instant had washed away like loose dirt under high pressure, but it had been real. 

Something deep in the back of Violet’s mind erupted at that. A box she’d chained up, stamped down, and hidden so deep in the dark that she’d forgotten it existed. The reality of who she was, and how she was perceived even by people she loved. More than that, she couldn’t escape the reality that she deserved it. She spent so much time every day convincing herself of a false reality. That she was no worse than anyone else. That heroes only existed in stories, and everyone was just as selfish as she was. She repeated it to herself and to her victims. The difference between her and them was simple motivation and confidence. She wasn’t worse. She was more dangerous because of her qualities that they lacked.

But that moment of horror on Kiera’s face before the illusion talent set in... it shattered Violet’s own self-deception. 

“Hello? Earth to Violet? Did you wake me up just to see my pretty eyes or did you have a reason?” Kiera asked.

Violet was flooded with shame and guilt that made her want to vomit. But—just like Kiera—she was practiced at smothering it. Without a single conscious thought, she drowned that emotion with a new one. Self-pity. That was how Kiera actually saw her? After everything she’d done for her friend? Violet had saved Kiera from a lifetime in prison. She stopped the girl’s abuser. She was a goddamn hero to this girl. But if Kiera ever ran out of clarity, she’d be afraid of Violet? Or would she hate her? Violet didn’t deserve either.

“Are you upset? Sorry I fell asleep instead of waiting by your bedside. But I figured you’re sturdy, and I wanted to be cozy. I didn’t think you’d mind,” Kiera apologized.

And then Violet was done feeling sorry for herself. She wasn’t the type to wallow in mistreatment. She was the type to get pissed about it. So self-pity gave way to anger, and all her shame was once again locked in the darkest corner of her mind. She may have been cursed with the ability to feel empathy, especially when she hadn’t prepared for its assault. But she had power now, and a way to get much more of it. If power had one lesson it universally taught more quickly than any other, it was how to silence that weakness. Violet put herself back in the center of focus, walling her heart off from that sick moment of shame. Her anger would prevent it from returning. 

Kiera had absolutely no fucking right to look at her like that. As if the kitsune wasn’t exactly the same. As if Kiera wouldn’t kill for the same reasons as Violet. Like she hadn’t fucking tried already. Kiera was just a less competent version of her, and without a reason to repeat the act more frequently. Just like everyone else. She could keep her bitchy judgements to herself.

“Vi, are you good?” Kiera pressed.

“I’m fine,” Violet snapped. “Just trying to deal with this fucking nest before all of you get us killed. Do you think you can maybe help me with that, or do you need more beauty sleep?”

“Um, sorry, did I do something to piss you off, or—” Kiera started.

Violet activated her necklace to keep the conversation private before responding. “This isn’t about you, okay? Occasionally, some things aren’t. I know that’s hard to understand, but some of us almost died a few hours ago. So maybe focus on the real world for a few seconds instead of daydreaming about that pathetic blond and making sure I’m being cheerful enough, yeah?” Violet interrupted.

Kiera looked like she’d been slapped, but she didn’t snap back. Instead, she bit her lip and nodded. “Sorry. I didn’t think about that. Usually you prefer when—” she tried, but Violet cut her off a second time.

“Wow, what a surprise. You didn’t think about other people. I’ll send a letter to the bulletin to express my shock. For now, though, I’d like to live to see the end of the week. So do you think you can make an illusion for me for the next hour while I find another fucking route to the heart? Or would that take away from your time being cozy?” Violet sneered.

“Sh–Shouldn’t we tell the whole team before you do that? You don’t need an illusion, and we should include everyone in the plan, right?” Kiera asked. There was a pain in her voice, which Violet found alarmingly self-absorbed for the usually amiable fox. But at least Kiera was actually focusing on the problem at hand. Even if she was too dim to actually think it through.

“Those gutless assholes want to run away and let the hedron massacre an entire town, or didn’t Angelo tell you that? They’ll try and stop me if I tell them where I’m going. So no. I can’t just announce my plans. Believe it or not, I’m not actually cool with letting a bunch of innocent civilians die,” Violet threw back.

Kiera swallowed hard, then nodded. “O-Okay, sure. I got you covered,” she promised.

“Thanks, babe. You’re an absolute gem,” Violet mocked. 

“I’m... I’m sorry,” Kiera tried.

“Yeah, I’m sure you think you are,” Violet sighed. “Come on. I want to get this done.”

She was tired of the conversation. That image of Kiera’s horror had absolutely ruined her mood, and she didn’t want to think about it anymore. Kiera wasn’t sorry. As unfair and ungrateful as the response had been, Kiera had just covered it up in her mind instead of actually feeling remorse for it. Violet knew she’d regret snapping at Kiera later. But she was angry, and in the moment, she didn’t give a shit. She just wanted to go deal with Angelo and get her mind off that fucking twisting fear on her friend’s face.