The Secret Story Of Nintendo's Adult Films.

Hello you exceptionally extraordinarily awesome Patreon People!

I hope all of you are doing phenomenally well, that none of your joy-cons will ever drift again and that Nintendo announces sequels to all your favorite franchises in their Direct in two weeks!

The Nintendo Switch retrospective is out and I’m super happy with how it turned out!
Nothing more to say about it - just mentioning it in case someone missed it!

What’s next?

Well, next I want to experiment a bit with a new format for the gaming channel.

The idea is to combine the format of the videos on the perspective channel with what we’ve been doing on the gaming channel in the past.

The video will be a Mario Odyssey retrospective that is structured similar to a perspective video but will explore topics that are closer to what we’ve done on the gaming channel before.

I’m pretty excited for it, but there is actually another thing that we are likely going to take a look at before.

Afterall Nintendo will reveal the Switch 2 in two weeks - I plan on doing a video about this reveal as well!

What else?

Well, I thought I’d share a fun little story with all of you upon which I recently stumbled while doing research for another video.

You see: I’ve been toying around with the idea of doing a video (at some point in the future) that takes a look at really strange Nintendo trivia and then explores the actual history of the company starting from there.

Stuff like the fact that Nintendo owned a major American Baseball team up until very recently, or that they once bought marketing spots at urinals to advertise Conker’s Bad Fur Day (actual quote: “... because urinating is part of game play, it made total sense”).

So while doing some research for this video I ran into a little story that I’ve never heard of before.

A story that I'll likely never chatter about on YouTube for algorithmical reasons that should become obvious in a moment.

A little story that I thought I’d share with all of you wonderful people.

The story of Nintendo dipping their feet into the adult movie industry.

You see, there are actually two other Super Mario movies out there that most people don’t know about.

Two adult movies.
And by adult movies I do mean adult movies.
Pornography.
The very hard and very core type of pornography.

Movies carrying the creative names Super Hornio Brothers and Super Hornio Brothers II.
Two movies that are actually owned by Nintendo.

Huh?

What’s going on here?
Did Nintendo have some complicated teenage years most people are not aware of?

Isn’t pornography a bit off brand for Nintendo?
To which the answer is: Yes.
Pornography is actually so off brand for Nintendo, that they just couldn’t resist. 
They just had to own those films!

But one thing after the other!

Let’s talk about the legality of porn parodies for a second.
You see, interestingly enough, pornographic parodies of well known intellectual properties are in a bit of a legal gray area.

It’s not entirely clear if wonderful movies like Game of Bones, Gay of Thrones, The Porn Identity or Play-Mate of the Apes are infringing on copyright or if they are not. (All of those are real by the way, as I learned while forever tainting my innocent search history.)

The legal problem is that a case can be made that those parodies are satires of the original work and therefore fall under fair use.

It’s pretty much something that has to be decided on a case to case basis which makes going after such parodies complicated.

Since there is always a small chance of losing such a case and since dragging a porn parody to court only draws more attention to it in the first place, there are surprisingly few cases of companies actually suing such a film.

All that I was able to dig up was a porn parody of Fifty Shades Of Grey that got sued (they settled outside of court) and Ben & Jerry’s suing some ice cream porn parodies (The court found that it is not within your constitutional rights to distribute pornographic ice cream parodies). 

Other than that most companies seem to do the reasonable thing and just ignore adult parodies whenever they pop up.

Most companies.

But as history taught us before: Nintendo ain’t like those other companies.
Nintendo special.

Which brings us back to Super Hornio Brothers I&II.

You see, 2023’s Super Mario Bros movie, isn’t the only Super Mario Bros. movie Nintendo ever released.
In the early 90’s Nintendo already released a block-buster Mario movie before.

The original Super Mario Bros. movie that was released in 1993.
As it was the case with so many 90’s movies, some clever entrepreneurs noticed that there was a movie of cultural relevance coming up.

A movie that might provide them with a business opportunity.

And thus they were like: “Hey! Let’s do a super low budget porn parody about the Super Mario Movie and let’s release it alongside the actual movie to cash in some cheap cash!”

It was this brilliant business plan that gave birth to Super Hornio Brothers.

A movie that Midnight Video (the producers behind the film) were so confident in, that they decided to film the sequel to the film alongside the original movie.
Afterall, you never know when you end up needing a sequel to your porn parody, so better play it safe!

Which is how the world was blessed with Super Hornio Brothers II.

But while Midnight Video seemed to have been really happy about their newly filmed film, another company was not.

When Nintendo learned about Midnight Video’s business venture they were not only furious.

They were also faced with a dilemma.

They could not allow their sacred family friendly Mario brand to become besmirched by this filth.

What would teenagers think once they learned about this movie?
How would it change the perception of the Mario brand on school yards all around the globe?
And worst of all, would it cause the relevant target group of unsullied moms to lose faith in Nintendo?

The movie was dangerous.
It had to be stopped.

But as we just waffled before, going to court wasn’t really an option.

Suing them would not only take forever, it would also not immediately halt the distribution of the film. 
There was a small chance that they’d actually lose such a case, which would open the floodgates for all sorts of smutty dirt to smirch Nintendo’s inculpable brands and even if they won: once the parody was out in the world it was factually impossible to truly prevent it from spreading - independent of what a court ruled.

What to do as a global multi million company when being faced with such a dilemma?

Well … there is one final line of defence that multi million dollar companies can retreat to when faced with a problem like this.
One final ace that they can pull out their sleeves.
One last trick that international companies can pull out in a threatening situation like this.

They pulled out the credit card.

And they swiped it.

They straight up bought the rights to the distribution to Super Hornio Brothers I&II.
They bought the movies and once they owned them, they took a fitting chest with a nice and secure lock and locked the movies inside tight.

And then they hid this chest somewhere in the deepest depths of the dungeons below Nintendo’s head quarter, right besides the F-Zero IP.

They bought the distribution rights for the movies with the goal of never distributing them.

They tried to make the movies disappear.

And surprisingly … it worked!

For the longest time the story of Mario’s porn parodies was nothing more than an urban myth.

Super Hornio Brothers I is still lost to this day!

The only reason we even know with certainty that the movies existed, is because in 2009 a copy of Super Hornio Brothers II suddenly resurfaced at strange places on the internet.

So is there a moral to this story apart from the fact that Nintendo has a secret porn tape stored somewhere in their archives?

Well … kind of!

It really goes to show how obsessed Nintendo is in controlling the public perception of their brands, and through what lengths they are willing to go to protect the image of their characters. Even against the tiniest of threats!

As we said before, Nintendo ain’t like the other companies.
Hooray!

So I hope you enjoyed this little read up. 

The main reason I’m sharing it here is because it’s something I can’t really share on YouTube. 

If I were to discuss this in a YouTube video there is a non-zero chance that YouTube mistakes me retelling the story of a porn parody, for an actual porn parody and forever locks the channel into the prison of eternally dangerous content - right besides ISIS bomb building tutorials, videos about animal cruelty and the videos by the guy that once showed a greek statue without censoring her marble breasts first. 

Alright!
As always a huge thank you for your support!
I honestly can’t wait to have a chat with all of you about the Switch 2 in two weeks!

A huge thank you to all of you and all the luck in the world! <3