2024 Mid-Life Update – Espresso or Depresso?
Hello dear Dragons (Patrons),
It’s been a little while since I’ve had a life update post like this so here goes. Please note I’m not in the happiest of moods right now, but I’m going to speak candidly about some things that have happened and what I’ve been experiencing.
Some days I try to fall asleep only to stay up thinking about what I need to complete/finish in the next 8 hours and I feel my heart start to pound out of my chest. (Even making this post to an extent which I intended to make for ages). It could be the copious amounts of coffee I drink during the day, but I have a sneaking suspicion that it’s more to do with the daily fight-or-flight I casually learned to operate under these last few years.
It's painful to write this but recently I’ve even been struggling with simple stuff, especially remembering to take calls or respond to emails. I completely slept through an interview once and missed some pretty important calls. Everyone has been super kind about it and willing to reschedule but of course I can’t help feeling like a fuck-up Q_Q I feel like there has to be something deeply wrong If I get so sidetracked that it’s not possible to keep up with these things.
I never really mention much of my family situation, but holy shit does it hurt to be told I’m selfish or I don’t come around to visit enough, when I spend every little ounce of time I could be resting to go home and visit. The last time I went home, I literally felt more drained than I would working on a regular episode. I don’t know if anyone else experiences this, but this has been a thing since I moved out about 2-3 years ago. There’s never been any effort from anyone else, just me going back and forth trying to make everyone else HAPPY! (And WOW, it doesn’t work…)
I did have a call with some WT individuals recently and spilled my guts about what’s happened these last few years, how creators need more support and how I don’t know if I can continue this weekly schedule in the future. It went over well (I’m glad I was able to tell someone, and they acknowledged my feelings) but I guess we’ll just wait and see how things go from here. For some context, I’m perfectly fine keeping up with SZ at the current schedule but I’m specifically referring to any future comics I decide to do. I’m still so passionate about comics and have so many stories to tell, I just don’t think I’m strong enough to continue at this pace.
Book Stuff – Once again I bring this up because I know my Layout artist, Editor and I worked our asses off on this thing. We’re currently working on Vol II (which I think is super promising since the story picks up) but I can’t help but feel so damn frustrated thinking I need to be making tiktoks, posting to socials, getting promo for this thing (THAT I KNOW I’m proud of) but not wanting to come across as a shill every other time I post about it. Since WT is not involved in this project I can’t rely on them for promo in any way (which should incentivize me further) but I can’t shake off the feeling that I’m being super annoying about it Q_Q. LOL I guess to shake off that feeling here is the Preorder link for SZ VOLUME I once again -> LINK
I feel like all these little things have piled up so much to a point that I feel like I’m about to have a breakdown over the smallest thing. I used to not let it bother be but these days even something like a drop in my socials makes me spiral if I’m doing something wrong. I woke up today and just sobbed over how little grasp I feel like I have on everything. Q_Q
I make a point to never write anything while in a shitty mood (it translates over into the comic a bit too much I feel) but boy is that hard when I have so many instances of feeling shitty to begin with T_T. So yes, I’m sorry for being so absent with all of you. I miss having time to draw bonus content for SZ, mini comics, illustrations…. I ESPECIALLY miss drawing the SPICE >:”D Every now and then I’ll push things aside so I can make time, but even then I haven’t had much time for anything else than the weekly deadlines and behind the scenes book stuff. I’m just so… tired.
Phew that felt good to get off my chest. All this being said, I’m no less passionate about SubZero than when I started. Every time I get to sit down and work on the story I always feel a sense of joy and happiness seeing these characters come to life. There’s only about 2 - 3 big arcs left in the story before we finally reach the conclusion. I figure if I keep going at this rate SZ will be finished early next year. (OFC I want the finale to be bonkers crazy awesome)
In any case, thank you for coming to my TED talk. Despite all the behind the scenes stress I hope that it will all pay off eventually. I will be attending Tokyo X next month in Houston, TX and 1 week later I'll be flying out to San Diego for the ALA Annual Conference June 28-30th. I believe the second event may not be open to the public unfortunately (I believe there is some registration needed) but if you happen to know any librarians attending make sure to let me know! (I can save some prints or things)
You guys are such a massive reason for everything this story has been able to achieve and I am so incredibly grateful. For the time being I will try to use a little less of my brain worrying and just focus on making good content. Thank you <3
-Juni
Comments (24)
I love that you find joy & inspiration in your artistry, that is most important! It's so easy for all the background 'to-dos' to overwhelm us, but as our responsibilities increase, we must increase our support system too. That can be challenging by itself if we're used to doing it all ourselves 😊, but you are allowed to prioritize, delegate & set boundaries. You don't have to respond to everyone immediately, you can set times for responses & how engaged you choose to be. Sarah's comment in this thread is gold. Delegation & boundaries are our friends! 👍 It's challenging, but we're rooting for you! 💞🌸
T_T thank you so much for the kind words! I think you hit the support system thing right on the head. The greater the opportunities have gotten the less and less time I spent doing things for "myself" (including patreon stuff) and I imaging that's what's caused so much detriment. Thank you again for being so understanding and kind :"D
Sending you lots of love
Thank you so much!
Is this the worst thing YOU have ever had to experience? If so, that’s good because you’re learning how to deal with that. If it is not the worst thing for you to have personally ever experienced, then remember what was and that you just have to structure yourself and reorganize things up in your head. Schedule a carefree day for yourself. No feedback from anyone. No hearing their criticisms. It is and will be okay. Don’t answer phone calls. Of course let your family know that the day prior that you will be busy and unless it is an emergency to not worry about you. Take yourself a bath. Breathe. Talk to yourself and see how you’re really feeling. Be honest with yourself and be your own friend so you can just relax a little bit. Or write in a journal. Above all else, please be kind to yourself.
Hi Seb! Thank you so much for your kind message. I will definitely write some of these down and try to implement them. Your message means a lot ^^
I hold your overwhelming workload with you 🤗 I feel you and hope you are able to find some peace with your family, get some actual good rest, and do more personally rejuvenating activities for yourself!
Thanks for the love I'll try.
Take as much time as you need on the comic. We can wait through hiatuses no issues. Also don’t feel bad about promoting the book on socials, that’s what those accounts are for and you worked so hard on your art! Maybe a therapist or something could help sort through the family issues. Hope things lighten up for you! ❤️
Haha yeah, I think this next break I'm going to spend more time to myself so I actually get a break and can build up some buffer for my comic. Yeah my partner constantly reassures me that I made this book and I'm not shilling it. I'm genuinely so proud of it and love it.
I totally second the admin assistant suggestion. I know Webtoons are a little different but so many authors (even indie authors) have assistants to help with logistics, promos, and running a social media street team for promos. Also, perhaps consider pausing Patreon for a couple months if you can swing it? I know I wouldn't mind and if it helps take a little off your plate, I'm all for it.
I think I generally like making Patreon content, I just kinda dislike making posts on social media. But alas you can not just ignore social media if you want your content to reach as many people as possible.
Hi June! Thank you for your vulnerability. I completely understand how you feel, and get 100% the demands of life and more. Is it possible for you to hire an assistant? Or maybe a coach to check in with? A coach could help you plan out your goals effectively and could ask you if these deadlines are reasonable and appropriate and could help put you back into your schedule. If not, what else can you hire out? Cleaning house? Hire out. Laundry service? Hire out. Sometimes handing off the daily can help. Another thing to maybe look into is medication, I have adhd, and before I was diagnosed and medicated I sounded a lot like this, especially when I was max taxed out and needed to push on. You’re doing a great job, and you are doing great. Humans were never, ever meant to be pushed as we are nowadays with constant content expectations and constant connectivity. Hugs!
I don't know if it's the immigrant in me talking, but I feel like the monthly billing of hiring all those things out would stress me out even more than the actual work. Thankfully, I have a partner that definitely helps with most if not all of my day to day things. I think the content was barely manageable before, but with season 1 volumes 1, 2, and 3 that I am working on it definitely has gone over that barrier. Thanks for the love ~Junepurrr
Sending love your way June!🫶
Thanks!!! ~ June
Bless u 😭❤️, thank you for all ur hard work and I'm sry that u have to go through this. Virtual 🫂
Thank you I hope you enjoy all of my content. Everyone is going through something am I right.
I feel the family stuff. I moved out 10 years at this point but to this day any visit with them is more emotionally and physically draining than any job at the worst time. I use to visit every few months but it got expensive, i used no free time for myself, and no matter how much energy or time i put in with them wasn't enough. They wanted all access to me like I still was a kid who lived there with no effort or empathy on their part. I felt like a bad daughter for the longest time because I couldn't visit more, or be there whenever they wanted. It took a while to come to terms with that yes they are my family and I love them, but them being selfish and me establishing boundaries did not make me a bad kid.
Diddo.
Hugs to you. This definitely sounds like burnout, though. On the note of 'depresso', have you thought about looking in to medication (if you're not already on meds)? They obviously aren't going to solve you problems, but in my experience, they can make things a helluva lot easier to deal with. I was dealing with a lot of anxiety and overly high personal expectations in my 20s and was diagnosed with depression. My antidepressant changed my life. There's no shame in using some store bought serotonin if you can't make your own, as the say a
I'll consider it if it gets any worse, as with everyone I have ups and downs. Thanks for sharing your experience with me.
I am sending you the biggest of hugs, June. What you're going through is totally normal. I hope you have a support network in your personal life that you feel safe ranting to.
Thankfully I do have a support network, I just feel like I owe all my loyal patrons some kind of explanation for how sporadic everything is and randomly dumping content instead of dripping it. Thank you for the kind words.