Update
First off, I'm really sorry. I started a new treatment that got my hopes up way more than I should have apparently. I've just been stuck in this hell for so long that I wanted to believe that I was closer to getting back to working condition than I apparently am.
Anyway, the TL;DR is that I'm in treatment now that should eventually help me get back to writing, but it'll take some time (my doctors say that 1-2 years is being hopeful, but honestly, I'm probably gonna take a shot at writing in ~6months or so anyway because I no longer care about pain/discomfort. I'm in fucking pain all the time anyway so fuck it, might as well be in pain while doing something productive that makes me happy.
To explain more, my diagnosis was revised a while back, I think at the end of 2023(?) to Ulcerative Colitis and Ankylosing Spondylitis. I had surgery as well which has seemingly fixed my pancreatic flares, so that's under control finally, but what I'm struggling with now is pain/stiffness in virtually every joint in my body, especially my hands and feet which have made it really, really fucking difficult for me to do anything. I'm more or less dependent on my wife/other family for most things, my mobility is poor, and I can barely even hold my hands up much less type. I've messed around with voice typing and other ways of writing, but nothing has worked really in an effective enough way for me to do more than basic drafting/fun little poems, and honestly corticosteroids plus my situation has me in a depressive state unlike anything I've ever experienced. I feel disillusioned about my condition, about the state of the world, and I get these mood swings that feel like hopelessness distilled into its purest form and injected directly into my brain. That being said, I'm in therapy, on meds for depression, and anti-psychotics.
The good news is that I'm taking care of myself and working really hard on being positive, hopeful, and fighting tooth and nail through physiotherapy to get back to a functioning state, but it is grueling work with progress so slow that sometimes it's hard to tell that I'm getting anywhere. I'm fighting with everything I have, and I hold onto the hope that one day I'm going to get back to writing the stories that I love, and loved sharing. Until then, I welcome every and any well-wishes and positivity that y'all can send my way.
Stay blessed,
Kousaka~
Comments (2)
Thank you for sharing what you are going through. It sounds like a nightmare and I’m sorry you are going through it. I am glad to hear you have support and a plan, so I hope things do improve. In the meantime you definitely have whatever good vibes or thoughts or prayers I can send your way.
It's perfectly understandable that you wanted to be through this ordeal as fast as possible and that you clung to the hope of that being the case soon so hard. I think we've all been there at one time or another, granted most of us not in such a drastic circumstance. I'm sorry to hear that your situation is so disheartening, but I wish you the absolute best of luck and strength in overcoming the challenges ahead. Keep pushing forward, you've got this.