Morning Sex: Wrestle for Top
This one's been a long time coming. I put something on the line I never have in this wrestle for top match in the gorgeous morning light with Denzel.
For those interested, I jotted down some thoughts about bottoming for what is basically my first time:
I wanted to try something new in 2026. As many of you know, I haven't had anal sex in at least 15 years. All I remember about the time I did try way back then was not really liking it.
What got me back into the idea was mostly watching Heated Rivalry, and seeing anal sex portrayed in a way that actually looked hot. Plus an interview with Emma Thompson where she discusses that you owe it to your body to experience all pleasures that it's capable before you miss the chance (movie is Good Luck To You, Leo Grande, which I highly recommend).
So I decided it's time to try this again.
Initially, I tried self-fingering. I explored around, read stuff on reddit, trying in vain to access some sort of prostate pleasure. Though it didn't feel bad, and I got used to enjoying the attempts, I still to this day am not sure that I've been able to access this.
I did immediately come across my first big barrier: cleanliness. There's a lot of very encouraging discourse online about how you don't need to douche or worry that much about cleanliness. I really want to be on board with that, but for me, the sight or smell of anything on my finger or toy would completely take me out of the headspace.
To be clear, I'm a vegan, I eat healthy and regularly, and I have regular movements. I'm not sure what else I can improve upon here.
So, I've learned to douche. It's not painful, though it does feel kind of weird. However, I'm not sure my body loves this. Some of the time, it seems to create this lingering feeling of unease, with mild discomfort and pressures occurring for a few days after. This could be user error, but as far as I can tell I'm using it correctly.
There's another culprit though: PREP. With the blessing of my doctor, I haven't been on prep for years. None of the sex I have involves anal sex, and I get tested regularly, so she implied I don't really need it. Obviously, this year, that had to change.
I'm not really a person who ever has spontaneous sex, so I'm on the "on-demand" form of prep, where you take a double dose the day you're gonna have sex, then a single does for the next couple days.
GI issues are a common side effect of prep, so that might also be in part to blame.
Anyways, back on the sensation side of things -- though I still haven't had anything approaching a prostate orgasm, I do like the feeling. It's not like world-altering, but the insertion/removal parts do feel pretty good, and the feeling of fullness can be relaxing once something's been in there for a lil bit.
This brings me to a couple weeks ago, where I actually try bottoming with Denzel Dixon. We'd been discussing this for months, so I was ready, though I certainly chose someone with a girthy cock. Anyways, we did it! Some thoughts:
It WAS painful, more than I expected, at least in the beginning. Mostly a stretching sensation right around the sphincter. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, most of the kink I engage with involves pain play. It kind of worked actually, cause Denzel muttered some... encouraging dirty talk I'll call it.
After a few minutes, it stopped hurting and actually because quite pleasureful. Still don't think it was prostate pleasure, but the fullness started to feel nice.
I do understand why it's wrestle-for-top, not wrestle-for-bottom. Bottoming is WORK. I was sweating the whole time.
Missionary is the best position. I had been excited to try others and I'm glad I did, but locking eyes is just such an important primal part of sex for me.
Is it true that bottoms are more common than tops? I do enjoy this but it's definitely a lot more work and ceremony. And although I definitely will try it again, I'm not sure I can see this becoming my preference. It honestly feels kinkier to me than most of the kinks I engage with far more often.
I AM excited to top. I sort of was holding off until I bottomed cause I wanted to have that context, but that's the next step of this journey.
Anyways, y'all really should watch the video. Denzel's a perfect top in it and it's a fucking sexy time.