I was 150 pounds, insecure, lonely, in and out of rehabs, couch surfing, drowning addiction with more addiction.

I thought if I looked good enough, no one would question how broken I really felt inside.

And honestly… it worked.

Being attractive became a mask.

Being swole became my identity.

And it kept people from asking the real questions.

But behind the scenes, I was abusing substances, overmedicated, pushing my body with PEDs, and fighting mental health issues that none of my photos ever showed.

There was a time in my life when I looked the strongest… and felt the weakest.

Recently, I’ve been trying to stabilize my mind, come off harsh compounds, regain clarity, and understand who I am without the constant chemical push.

I don’t feel like Superman anymore — and maybe that’s a good thing.

I’m not going to abandon the aesthetic, the body is already been built with PEDs but that doesn’t mean I’m going to starve myself and not touch a weight so I can go back to being “natural” again.

I only look at my PED use as part of my journey. Using at such an early age did impact my testosterone and living with low T is its own kind of misery.

My whole life I’ve just been trying to survive and feel good in a world that is too overwhelming for me. But I’m going to change my direction:

I’m going to show you I can heal inside too