🩵DEAR DIARY... (LIFE UPDATE)🩵
Perhaps, the title ''dear diary...'' is a better way to post a life update. I'll use that title moving onwards.
The last 2 weeks have been hard on me.
I opened a 2nd store (the gamestore). But unexpectingly, I had to work and run it because my brother who was supposed to do it, decided to just quit 1 day before it opens.
I've build trust and found a few people now who will keep it open and run it.
So that is taken care of.
Busy times.
To relax, I went to a club called mink.
A guy there locked me in a cage and took photos of me.
Others asked him permission to do the same and before I knew it, I had a crowd recording me and taking photos.
It was very hot. I felt very sexy and wanted. It was exciting.
In these type of clubs, you have a lot of men who come to you and give you compliments. In the beginning of my transition, this felt amazing. The compliments and attention was some kind of verification of me being feminin. It helped me feeling feminin.
But I learned this type of flirting is extremely meaningless and empty.
It's just a bunch of horny guys jumping from the 1 vurnerable trans girl to the next and getting a real connection isn't possible when they all think with their cock. So this type of attention is something that means less and less to me. And if there are beginning trans girls out here on my page : That is not the way. It doesn't make you less or more of a girl by getting compliments from horny cocks in a sexclub.
Back to real life - Since the breakup, I have been doing a lot of self reflecting and thinking about what I want in a relationship to feel happy and thrive and I am getting closer to answering that. I feel like I am ready to open up more and perhaps start dating again. I'm not ready for a relationship or anything sexual yet, but getting to know different people and forming some connections will help me in this journey.
You know,
She was the only girl I ever begged for.
I think we all only have it in us to beg for one person to stay.
After that, you shed your skin for a harder shell.
And you never beg anyone to love you, ever again.
Love you all
Joyce