Post from EmeryEverest (PaleLikeIce) · May 3, 2021

I decided to begin writing my diary excerpts on this site, I want it to be more than just a collection of my best imagery. I have always addressed my diary as Heavenly, so when you see “Dear Heavenly,” going forward, now you know what that means! Let’s begin!

Dear Heavenly,
Due to circumstances beyond my control I am being made into leaving one of my caregivers behind and I am moving in with someone I met a single time more than a year ago. My heart is shattered beyond repair. Though I have many loves and am grateful to be poly (the support I get from my lovers online means the world to me,) the man who took these photos of me and with me has literally held me up time and time again during fainting spells and disassociation episodes.

I pray to whatever diety is out there that I may make enough money somehow to buy myself a shit little apartment in Tucson. I want to go home to Phoenix, but now there’s too much in Tucson tying my here. I would be happy with a bedroomless apartment at this point or a guest house in someone’s backyard! Despite also being a Little, I crave independence. It’s all I want, living with a random person I once met at a party isn’t my idea of a good situation.

My caregiver (featured in this photos) is the legal owner of a cat I took in when I found her cold and wet, shivering in the rain outside. I lived with my friend T at the time, and I met X (my caregiver) when I saw an ad where he was looking for his cat. Naturally I called and he was so grateful he allowed me to come stay with him and his cat, but his sick dementia ridden mother has a strong hatred for me so I’m leaving for her benefit.

Poor women called me Marley the other day and X explained to me that Marley was the name of the girl that his mother adopted years ago before she contracted some sickness that took her life. Once I realized I was reminding a woman of her departed daughter and I terrified her I searched far and wide for my own place, but my credit is shit so I found I’m once again living with a currently unknown roommate.

I’m grateful to be taken in by anyone at all, but.. I wish that X could continue to protect me. His mother is a wonderful priority to have and I would never try to take priority over her in any way, but I can’t help but wish life had turned out differently.

As silly as this may seem, the primary reason I want my own place is so that I may catsit from time to time! I love Little Cookie beyond understanding, and she is such a sweet and cozy friend. She allowed me to walk right up to her in the pouring rain and melted in my arms! If you pet her a single time she will purr and purr without stopping for hours on end.

Leaving both her and X behind hurts terribly, I hope I have the strength to make it through yet another move- where I will be without a caregiver for the first time since I was midway through chemotherapy.

xx,
~Emery