Hey guys, until new years I’ll be posting/messaging more scarcely.
My body is giving out. I need to get into the doctors and focus on my health rather than my numbers on this dumbass platform.
I’ll still be posting ever so often. Just when I want to and feel like it. Not when I feel I have to post to keep people happy on here.
I’ll be online TUESDAYS, FRIDAYS. SATURDAYS. Only.

I’m pushed to my limits by subscribers. No one is taking a second to realize I’m chronically ill struggling with everything going on. I barely get out of bed most days. I have testing starting in November when my insurance kicks in to find out why my body is degenerating as fast as it is. :,)

On my good days, I focus WAY too much on porn and how I can make my numbers go up and keep everyone satisfied.. only to put myself in a flare up for days on end where I can’t even finish simple dick rating videos.
It’s also putting a damper on my personal sex life. I can’t even enjoy sex without being like “damn I’m wasting potential content and I should be recording this! Who knows when I’ll be able to make a video”

My worth has plummeted due to this job. Everyday numbers fluctuate and it’s making me feel worse and worse. Everytime I look in the mirror I damn myself for what my body has become and what it will be for the rest of my life. Sick. Sick forever. Sick always. Sick in the morning, evening and night. I never get a break.
I started damning myself for not making enough money due to my body and calling myself names for it. “fat. Worthless. Lazy. Ugly. Vile creature.. you used to be much more palatable didn’t you?” No no. Not going to listen to my head anymore.
I used to be in the top .03% and now I touch maybe 3.0%. But my worth is not numbers.. it’s not how many people want to see me naked.. my worth comes from who I am and everything I’ve done to survive to this point.

It’s not healthy, it’s not okay, and I need to take some time to focus on myself. I need to give my body some love and tlc.
I legit worked with a cyst on my vagina lip BECAUSE I COULDNT take a second away from work and i knew if I got cut open people would say some shit about my coochie scar again and or unsubscribe due to me taking a little time off to heal because I didn’t respond in 24 hours. So I put it off and put it off for a YEAR just so I could please my subscribers.

When death starts to look promising to me, I know it’s time to take a FUCKING HUGE step back and rethink where my priorities are. Now’s the time.

This world is so horrific right now, and if I don’t take care of me there will be no more me some day.

Please stay patient if you buy content, want to talk, or have any questions. Be kind to me. I am not a toy like some people think I am. I’m a human being.