Having this as my job is really weird. My bday is next week and I had a coca cola at 9pm so I can't sleep. Thinking about a girl I was sleeping with before I kind of became the rendition of myself i am now; before I knew how to make any money at all. I keep being intensely irritated by what people expect of me, the desire they expect me to respond to, like the showgirl in Blazing Saddles, but at the same time if i think about it it's actually just my own pre-Lacanian expectations for clarity, compartmentalization, and "good performance" that I'm lamenting and getting anxious about. At the end of the day I have nothing but love for the way that people interact with me. I literally built a job off of being myself and now, ironically, I'm scared to be myself... to the point where I started thinking I'm an introvert? I'm scared to sidestep expectations, to change, to falter. But like. Lmao. My movement is my gift. My irregularity and my intensity is my gift. Ppl who get it get it, ppl who don't dont. I need to trust that I'll always figure it out. Much love and thanks for patience with everything. I know the real ones have devotion
(Pic is from some kink quiz about what qualities are important to you sexually. This resonated)