Sky High Confessional #28: Topping, Bottoming & How I Surprised Myself

One thing I’ve always found fascinating about being gay is that unlike the straight world, where sexual roles are largely defined by anatomy, we actually have a choice. At some point, consciously or unconsciously, most of us end up figuring out what role/s feel right for us, and for me that’s been a journey that’s changed quite a lot over the years.

When I first started content, I was really entering what I’d describe as my bottom era, and for the last five years that’s been the dominant part of my sexuality. In everyday life I’m pretty driven, ambitious, organised and always thinking about the next goal, and I think one of the reasons I enjoy bottoming so much was because it gives me an escape from that. Somehow there’s something incredibly freeing about clear roles and the polarity of clear responsibilities.

What’s surprised me is that over the last year that’s started to change. It began with some studio scenes where I experimented with flipping, then it carried over into my own collaborations, and more recently it’s shown up in my personal life as well. Honestly, nobody is more surprised by this than I am.

What I’ve realised is that the thing that motivates me as a top is completely different from what motivates me as a bottom.

When I’m bottoming, it’s about surrender and service...

When I’m topping, it’s about care and protection.

That might sound strange, but it’s true. I’m a very loyal person, and I’m naturally protective of the people I care about. What I’ve discovered is that when I’m in that role, those qualities become part of what turns me on. It’s not really about dominance for me. It’s about being a safe place for someone, being strong, present and protective.

That was a genuine lightbulb moment because I never expected those parts of my personality to connect with my sexuality in that way.

I don’t really know what it means yet. Maybe it’s nothing. Maybe it’s just part of getting older and becoming more comfortable with different parts of myself. What I do know is that I still enjoy bottoming for all the reasons I always have, but discovering this other side of myself has been one of the most unexpected parts of the last year.

So now I’m curious:

**What role do you usually take, and more importantly, why? DM me if you’d like to share.. x **