**Sky High Confessional #26 ✈️ How I actually feel watching my own porn **

#26!! I genuinely can’t believe it’s been six months since I started doing these weekly reflections. Looking back on them now, I’ve shared a lot more of myself than I ever expected to online. Honestly, these conversations have really helped me process this whole strange, chaotic experience of being a content creator and make sense of the journey while I’m living it.

One thing I discovered pretty early on is that I’m definitely an exhibitionist. I genuinely love the experience of being filmed while I’m having sex. I love the energy of it, the confidence of it, the creativity of it. Being on camera while something real is happening really turns me on.

But watching it back later is a completely different experience.

When I revisit some of my earlier content now, I honestly cringe a little 😅 Being on camera still felt really unfamiliar to me back then, and I can see it. A lot of the scenes feel wooden or overly posed when I watch them now. I was too aware of the camera and too much in my own head. It feels like I was trying to “perform” instead of fully relaxing into the moment.

Something else I noticed really surprised me. When I was creating content while I was in a relationship, I actually held back more. Like, I didn't notice it at the time, but in retrospect I was more apprehensive about showing real passion or fully letting go on camera.

Looking back now, I can really see that restraint in some of the scenes.

Over time though, I can see myself getting more and more comfortable, not just sexually, but with the camera itself. I became more confident during scenes, more verbal, more playful, and I think you can actually see me enjoying myself a lot more in the newer content.

And honestly, sometimes rewatching it is genuinely HOTT.

Recently I rewatched the scene I shot with Gay Gaston in New York and I was surprised by how turned on I got watching it again 😂

Because when you’re actually editing it, exporting it, uploading it and writing captions for it, porn often doesn’t feel sexy at all. It feels technical. It feels like work. But coming back to it later, removed from all of that, I can suddenly appreciate how hot some of those moments actually were (and maybe more like through the eyes of what you see?)

I think that’s what’s been most interesting about revisiting older content lately. Sometimes it feels less like watching porn and more like revisiting moments and experiences from different periods of my life. Thanks for helping to create the space for me to share and explore here ❤️