**✈️ Sky-High Confessional #15: The first time I felt sexy in pics **

I got thinking about today’s confessional while spending the long weekend in Queenstown. I checked out a new gym there and after my workout, I did what now feels completely instinctive and snapped a few mirror pics in the bathroom (e.g. ➡️). The lighting was so good that one pic turned into a few, then a few more, and time flew haha. It struck me how natural this feels now, how much it is just part of my rhythm. But it was not always like that.

Wind the clock all the way back to the summer of 2008. I was living in London, travelling a lot, and very much at a crossroads. At that moment, I had no job, no commitments, and nowhere I had to be. I did not have much money either, but for a few weeks I had something rarer. Freedom. I travelled through Europe with family and spent time in Venice, staying out on the Lido. It felt like the real Italy, which is remarkable now, knowing how touristic St Mark’s Square is just a short vaporetto ride away.

I had been getting into the gym for a couple of years by then, so I found a small local gym full of Italians. No one spoke English, so I fumbled my way through with my extremely rough Italian. A sexy local guy, probably straight, helped spot me out of the blue, which honestly turned me on a lot. Seeing myself in the mirror, noticing the lines in my arms and the shape starting to show, surrounded by that bro energy, I felt seen. For the first time, I felt a real spark of excitement about my body. I went straight back to the hotel and took my first mirror pics on my now very antique iPhone, I got so aroused by the whole process, this curious exploration continued for the rest of the trip.

Over the years, that feeling grew. It flowed into competing in bodybuilding and eventually into where I am today. I have learned a thing or two about how to take a good photo since then, but the feeling itself is still the same. It is about showcasing hard work, about wanting to be desired and celebrated. Yes, there is validation in it, but it is also expression. I was never musical or particularly arty. My body became the way I expressed my values, my discipline, and my strength.

The humble gym selfie is a manifestation of that. Now, when I look at my work, even my porn, I feel a genuine sense of pride. Pride in the body I have built from very humble beginnings, and gratitude for being able to enjoy this moment. With it also comes a sense of power, the power to share the experience with others, with you all here and with many people I meet in my day to day life, and hopefully help them discover something about themselves too.

**Now your turn. What was the first moment you started to see your body differently? DM me and I’ll reply by video. **