I stomped all over it properly, so much so that you’d probably want to become one of the blades of grass begging for contact with the sole of my foot. And now I’ve probably mowed it for the last time this season.

Look what it did to my falling-apart slip-ons — I’m going to throw them away. And what did it do to my feet? An absolute mess!

But I’m sure you’ll humbly and wholeheartedly volunteer to clean them, so get your ass moving and put that tongue to work.