LET’S TEST SOME BETA BITCHES 🧪

The BETA TESTER™ measures one thing and one thing only:
how much of a beta you really are.

Your tip selects the test level.
The higher you go, the louder the machine laughs.

$10 — MINOR BETA
Still pretending you have standards.
The machine squints, shrugs, and starts warming up.
Not impressive… but noted.

$25 — CONFIRMED BETA
Ah. There it is.
The lights blink. The printer starts moving.
Classification complete. Denial no longer accepted.

$50 — ADVANCED BETA
No confusion left.
The gauges spin, alarms chirp, and the machine takes its time.
There’s a lot to process when confidence is this low.

$100 — LEGENDARY LOSER
Immediate recognition.
No scan required. No second opinion.
The stamp hits hard and it hits once:

CERTIFIED BETA BITCH.

You’re not tipping to impress me.
You’re tipping to reveal yourself.

Go on.
Let the machine decide. 😌