Someone in our friend group (not my friend) shared that a woman from her job invited her to an orgy where people were also doing mushrooms. She didn’t go, and the woman ended up having group sex with several men. Later, this was described to us as something foolish or shameful like the woman had made a mistake.

When I listened, what stood out to me wasn’t that the woman made a mistake. What stood out was how quickly her experience was turned into something shameful as if the real issue was that she had sex outside of a monogamous framework, or that it was group sex, or that drugs were involved.

To me, that felt more like a reaction to her breaking social norms, about sexuality, about women, about consent, than a real concern for her wellbeing.

We’re all taught to treat monogamy as normal and everything else as dangerous or shameful. But what if group sex, or non-monogamy, or exploring altered states, isn’t inherently bad.

I think turning this woman’s experience into a joke or a story to feel superior doesn’t help anyone. I personally didn’t like how she talked about the woman. I wouldn’t want to be her friend.

She’s also specifically racist towards Indian men. Demonstrating white supremacist behavior by only casting non-white men as hyper-sexual and violent. She went on a rant about it.

Also, what she didn’t know is that I wanted a gang bang as well. She insulted me even though she didn’t realize it. And she had this attitude that desire is deviant or something. Like, if you do this, you deserve shame. You’re not respectable. You’re a joke. You’re an object.

But I want what I want, and there’s nothing wrong with me. And there is nothing wrong with that woman either. Good for her. I hope she has fun. Fuck that judgmental asshole.