My agoraphobia is really bad right now and I am really struggling to leave my room. I’ve been here before, A prisoner of my own volition; my door is unlocked and could leave freely if not for the terrible tendrils my mind has invented. I fell like the danger is outside my door, a monster lurking ready to harm me, yet I know that the monster is in my room with me, coiling it’s tentacles around my body and holding me against the bed I hide in, slithering into my ears and burrowing through the rotten matter inside my skull, penetrating what remains of my sense till I feel like it’s my choice to stay put. Weeks ago I knew that it wasn’t my choice to hide away, I remember that. The memory of that logic is all I have left of it now, those worming vines are deep and rooted in my brain now. I feel like I may rot in this bed for ever more. I don’t want this. I miss being free.

It’s not all been bad though. I have kept my room tidy at least; and I’ve been masturbating a lot! In my bed with clean sheets. It passes the time nicely, it distracts from my helpless situation, edging my clit with my little bullet vibe all day, soiling the sheets with my sweat and my juices, I can focus on something nasty and vulgar, occupy my mind with degenerate fantasy and distract my body with pleasure. I edge myself for hours before I let myself cum. It feels so good that I want to moan out loud but the thoughts all come back so quickly and keep me quiet and a bit ashamed… That’s why I waste no time masturbating again. If I stop too long I start to wonder if this is my choice or is it just another way the monster in my head keeps me in place. Restrained on the bed, Fingers in my brain, overstimulating my pussy all day, I want to be free so it can’t be my choice… maybe one day the monster will take form and swallow me completely, it feels like it could happen sometimes.