I went on a little weekend holiday last weekend! And I enjoyed it! WOW!

Yes, maybe like 3 or 4 years ago I used to go places and convince myself I was enjoying it, suppressing the ol’ “bad times from inside” and then spending a few weeks after wondering why I was crippled. Then the last few years I kinda just accepted that I would never have fun again and stopped going anywhere because any new place I went to presented to me as some wild flavour of hell. I’m really glad I’m out of that phase, for now at least, and I was able to actually relax and enjoy myself in a new place for the first time in at least years or possibly ever.

I feel like that paragraph I just wrote doesn’t make much sense but I’m done reflecting on the past so I don’t care!

Intended to write a blog about the weekend away, where I went, what I did, funny things that happened, etc, but on refection nothing much of note happened to muse about. Me and TechBoy drove up to Alton Towers, four hour drive, we walked around the park, decided that rides are not fun enough and being around people was hard, went into the woods and played like children with mud and sticks, went to go on more rides with hair full of dried leaves then retired to the hotel and spent the next day and a half hopping between playing resident evil 5 and boiling ourselves in the hot tub.

I used to really enjoy rollercoasters… well on reflection “enjoy” is probably not the right word; I would find the way they threw me about relaxing rather than thrilling… but like, relaxing in a sort of familiar and reassuring way. I think I may have been just having a fawn response to the rollercoasters, my body incorrectly recognising it as one of the domestic incidents with which it was so familiar. It was pretty new and strange riding one and being thrilled by it this time! How novel! I continue to be surprised by all the things, both large and small, that my perception of has drastically changed, and it all keeps changing. It’s like my ability to enjoy life is slowly being re-initialised one system at a time.

I wanna thank all you guys again for that, I don’t know how far I would have made it without your support. I hope if you’ve been around long enough, or even if you’re new, you can recognise how much my mental health has improved over the years feel a little pride that you contributed to my healing.

I love you XOXO