**UPDATE: **Holy shit. I know I dropped off for a minute here so I'll leave some context.

I had a boyfriend for a quick minute here. Kinda. We were not casual in any way and we were building a dynamic that very much reflected a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. He's the first guy that I actually got close enough with emotionally to consider for that role in my life since going polyamorous.
Last week, he randomly stood me up. Then he ghosted me for days. He normally texts me every morning without fail. This was the first time he didn't. I was concerned about him initially. He reappeared to text me that he needs space. After a day or two I asked for some context, but by then he said he can't actually do non monogamy like he said he could. I never heard from him again... I have no real idea what happened, why it happened. Nothing. I had no room to speak my side, have my feeling heard, or have any say in it. Ultimately, I feel a little bit of whiplash. It took me a very long time to trust him because I worry about this kind of thing happening. So the trust I extended him, was well earned. I didn't see this coming and the feeling of being discarded and disrespected without any context or repair is brutal...

As if that's not enough, this happened the exact time my dog got lost. I was dealing with this and spending days/nights searching for him. Finally, he was found but I had to take him to the vet. He is microchipped now and I am making adjustments to the backyard to ensure he can't dig his way out again.

I also have moved stuff into my apartment. I've been setting it up for shootings and camming. I had my "boyfriend" come help me. It was harder than I expected to go back to the apartment because my last date with him was also my first night there. So he installed my showerhead, I had polaroids of us together on the counter, his shirt was still on my bed. Everything was exactly the same and it hit me harder than I thought. I have a few friends willing to come by and make new memories there so the weight of my experiences with him doesn't claim the energy of what should be MY space.

If we sprinkle in the fact that some content has been getting blocked on here before I can post it for things that shouldn't be an issue to post, is frustrating. I tried to post a new PPV with some squirting and it was blocked for "prohibited bodily fluids"...?

I've been dealing with a lot and the patience you guys have with me is so appreciated. I'll make it up to you soon, I promise 🩷