13 Reasons Why You're A Loser

You thought you could just waltz into my pool party uninvited? Big mistake, loser. I'm about to rip you apart piece by piece. From your pathetic micro-dick to your broke unemployed ass, I count down exactly why no woman will ever touch you. Drop your trunks and jerk that useless nub while I tell you why you're forever undateable, dummy.

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